Well...Update!

So lets see up to now. Me and my so called ex.
Fought, cried, yelled, loved, and hurt.
Like no bodys said bye more than we have lol.
But we just had break up sex. Dat was nice.
And ive been giving myself a casanova rating.
lets just say it went up to 56% after las fri. Hehe ^_^
Sorry gatta boast she was a hard gurl to please.
But now im der first! lol.
But yea der my first too.
But like idk, i guess after dat im good u kno.
Jus kinda here.
Doin my field hockey practice, 3rd week.
And ITS HELLA HOT!!!!!!!!!
waiting for it to die down.
Start skool next tuesday, UGH!!!!
and doing link crew today, tomorrow, and wed.
its where the older classmen help the incoming freshmen we make them more comftorable and show them around and stuff.
Its cool. =)
But der hard to manage. Freshmen *rolls eyes*
Ima senior now btw.
Yup yup.
Soooooo ready to graduate but very scared.!!!!!!
*scared puppy whimper face*
lol. but yea. dont know what else to say.
Oh oh!!! bout da Justin situation, well i finally talked to him and told him i couldnt date him.
That im not ready to date anyone.
And i love him as afriedn ALMOST a brother...but not really. lol.
Were just so tight, and idk.
But things have been A LOT better between us we still hang out not as much but still enough and talk aaaaall da time lol.
But were just friends.
But who knows what the future brings you kno.
But for the time being im content not trying to figure it out.
I kno for one once im not ganna try.
I got enough personal/spiritual/mental and even phisical things to take care of now.
So untill da next time. Ta Ta ^_^
oh i mean CIAO!

Checkin Up..

Well as of now. I told Justin that (yea i kno no intro this time im jus ganna go straight into it.) we need to not hang out as much, cuz we really are litteraly always together. And well wen u just went through the worst break up of your life thus far and hangging out with one of your closest friends who also happens to like you really doesnt help anything. I just needed space from him cuz im jus getting to the point where he was getting on my nerves BUT HE IS A GREAT GUY dont get me wrong. But im having a mental mulfunction. I dont know what I want or Need in my life.
Im bored with my life so i want fun.
But my un just broke up with me.
So now i miss them.
But i know that its hopeless and they dont love me.
So im back at trying to make new friends.
But....well school hasnt started yet so that is very hard.
So im stuck ina rut.
And its starting to depress me. And i said i would cut again, so thats out.
I cant run away.
Got no one to hang with.
Soo i narrowed it down to one option which i think is really truly da next safest thing.
But im debating putting it up here cuz idk who'll read dis.
But bottom line is now its just a question of how do i get dis.
AND NO ITS NOT DRUGS!
Jeez.
lol...
But yea.....Im Lost and confused.
But still living.
Till next time.....Ciao....

Well Helloooooo...

Well Hellooooo, so like im still trying this "tell the whole world wats up" thing.
But im not thaaaat bad right?
so like last we heard i wasnt on da best of terms with my ex. we got in fight earlier this week, and 3 days later they call me.
But during those 3 days i was plotting my revenge for how badly they treated me, but then they unexpectdly call me and apologized although i have yet to ever forgive them for most of the moajor horibble things they did, i politly acknowledged the fact that they said sorry.
So we talked and i guess were just friends or sumthing like that.
lol, and then they called me and woke me up this morning! it was 10...but still!! lol.
It was cool they called me to tell i was mean for calling them fake on that annonymous truth box things on myspace. but u kno it was all good we just talked like normal people. Shocker I know.
And yea. Ive got lots of stuff planned randomly throughout my last bit of summer.
Weird.
But i guess thats it for now. Ciao! ^_^

Keepin it Real-Im Actualy Talkin w/o Poems

So Ive decided to strat actualy blogging here.
u know writting real things rather than poems.
I'll leave those for my myspace one.
So let me clue you all in. I just broke up with my two year love, yes the one ive written so much of. Most of these 1000+ poems are of or for her. Yes her. I loved, love and always love them.
Well were not talking as of friday. Yes for once Im not Perssuing them, nope nope.
But i miss them, and love them.
But gatta go on without them...
My current dilema is this great guy in my life.
He truly is perfect.
I wont say his name. we'll just call him....Justin.
Yes Justin. we met in chemistry class and well i talked to him then forever later he texted me and we became super tight since. This started in january of this year.
7 months later, i had the crasiest summer so far, dun so many new things loved and last, and found my potential husband.
But im stuck because as great as he is I dont love him.
I love what he can offer me and i truly care about him... You see i feel that if I get with him thats it.
hed be the guy i marry and spend the rest of my life with happily and content.
But im the kinda girl who needs excitment i need sumthing going on.
So im afriad id be content but wanting more.
Or i could just keep serching to see if i can find love after love, find someone else i can love fully.
But my mom is afraid ill lose him, Justin, and what if i do. And never find the perfect guy and i end up alone.
So all in all i go with Justin and be content and play it safe.
Or I go da other way and take chances of getting heart broken and having to all the work of searching but with the chance that in the end I find the man that completes me.
What to do dear reader what to do- Any ideas??

When life seems so lost and dead.
Like theres nothing left.
Remeber the little things that last made you smile.
And if its from the very thing that now makes you cry,
then rember they once made you smile..
Its Not the End.
Its a New Beginning to Find that New Person who will make you soar high
and make you smile and laugh.
You cant change the past-
So lets make the best of the Future! ^_^

I Cant see you-...

If everything were to fall around me, would you save me?
If my wings broke, would you catch me?
If my lungs ran of air, would you give me some?
If all were to end, would you be there-
at the end of that light??
...
I cant see you being there....For Me.....

It's A Passion.

In my arms you were.
Baby, so close.
The touch and feel-
the Smell that drove me wild.
Its passion I feel.
Its what I am.
I carry it in my veins-
in my blood.
To be Passionate.
Its in me.
Let me be.
Let me show it.
Cant Hold back.
When they know they want it.
And I wanna let it go!
Passion-runs deep.
Its a Want, its a Need.
Rapid and Quick but to the core.
the feeling Unexplainable.
Insane and Erotic.
Its Passion.
Its thriving.
Its Living.
Its in me.
Its- Gaby.

I Dont Know What Happened.
But a Change occured.
Both You& I Felt it.
It was Good,
Funny, it took that "exchange" for things to Change.
We both felt it, it is good.
No?
Things can be-As we see-
Things can continue, as they are,
Because Good I am For Now.
^_^

Announcement:

I have been posting on my other blog on myspace a lot:

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.controlcenter

So if its not updated here. its on there. K. ^_^ Check em both! Thanx!!!

When Lust meets Want&Need

I so badly want their touch.
Yes, I know it sounds bad.
But if you knew-
Knew my reasons why- You'd understand.
It was the only time-They Were Mine.
And I just Need[ed] that One Last Time.....
(and Always Will.)

Dilemma

Why Cant I Get You Out of Mi Corazon?
And now that I dont have you,
your in my mind even more...
Woe is me-What am I to do??.....

Cant No More...

Wheres the me I love and knew?
This new attitudes not me...
I don't wanna feel like everyone else does-
Like they're better, just make themselves feel better.
I'm not that shallow, I'm better than that.
I want to feel good about myself the right way.
Not the easy way, like sooo many do now a days.
Where'd I go? that strong Gaby, with friends at her back, and care at her front, but a sword hidden just in case.
I need me back......but I don't know where Ive gone....
This whole situation has blown my life out of proportion and Ive lost myself in the process.
How could what they did to me.........Really affect so much of me, and my life.
Its CRAZY!
But true...........And I don't want it to be.......
No...please no more...........let things go back.
Rewind the clock.......what could I have done to stop this.........to change this.......
So that you'd be with me here now???.............

Broke my Heart, after I heard this song.
You told me you HAD been listening to......I think I got what you were trying to tell me.......








But that doesnt apply anymore....Right?
You no longer feel that way....Right?
My kiss no longer burns on your lips.....that kiss that was just for you....Only yours....My Face is no longer Painted on Your Heart.....Im starting to doubt it ever was to begin with....But it had helped....knowing that I wasnt the only one....But that's not the case any more.....hu?
Im no longer there.....in your heart......was I ever.....?........Right?

Stars

In Dreams, I see in the stars up above.
So high in the sky.
In my eyes, I can see the Future come true.
I can see what could of been, and what can be.
Sometimes, just wanna fly, get up there.
And run.
Watch the world fade away, feel my worries wash away.....
The stars, they speak.
They tell me dreams.
They come to me.
At night, when I cry.
When I think.
When I'm happy.
Or Just there.
They mark so many moments.
But I can see, what they mean.......
So much, and to me too.
They tell me what can unfold.......
They're the dreams I wish could be.
They're my memories long gone and come back to me.
They breathe for me when my air is gone.
And cry with me.
las estrellas, have always been there for me......
But who can I share this Fairytale with??
Tell me.....Who.......?

Trust

How could you be shocked that I have no faith in you?
I've even told you, "I never fully trusted you."
And after all the things I find out....How could you expect me to have any belief in you........
But wanna know a secret.........It kills me to say I don't......
I always wanted to trust in you.........Alexsis........But I knew I never could.......
And I guess it just scares me now........Knowing that I can.........and Knowing all that you did as well.......
The pains too much.......and Trust is something you just never earned,
you cried, and apologize-
But does that really make it all right?
I don't believe so.......You never gave me a valid reason to Trust you.......and you still really haven't.
Except for your word that you've changed. But after what you've done, How is your word worth anything??.....
You Haven't Changed.
You might be in the process. But the you I love, is always there.....
But in my eyes, heart, and mind.
Your always going to be intertwined with the memory of the way I feel now- Result from what You've done....
And I Hate to say that........I feel like a Horrible Person........For feeling these things.
I'm not used to seeing the worst in someone for so long.......especially not someone that I had always seen and looked for the good in, no matter what......Like you.
I did.
I truly did......
But look what I got in return.....But hey.......
Secretly.......I want to trust you.......
Even though you don't trust me, having no reason not to.
I still keep searching for the good in you.........it's just harder to see now..............

For da Only One Who'll Read dis.

So what do I gatta do?
To prove Im true??
I dont cheat.
Im DONE lying.
And I AM trying.
So what do I have to do?
To convince you-
That I need you.??
(I'll open my heart, go from the start, stop bein so mushy gushy,
I got pride, but Im not ashamed, to say these things. Believe me babe, I swear to you, on my grave-)
((no I should stop. Cuz this aint ganna matter......hu? You aint care bout me for too long now.....what am i doing? Why cant i just let you be.......You Got Me Stuck-Got Me Tripping. Goin Crazy. But I dont care. Cuz I think of way back when and it seems worth it. At times. And den it dont, at other times. Dang.lol...))

Will You?

There is a hole in my heart,
that Only Someone can heal.
Who will be that someone?

Sanctuary

Be my secret haven.
My little piece of relief.
My positive yes to peace.
Let me know you'll always be there when I need you.
When I fall and bleed you'll help me stand.
When I cry you'll hug me.
Be what I need.
Be what I want.
Be there.
That's all.
Don't be scared.
Because I will repay the favor, always.
I have no issue being there.
Being your strong arm, to pick when you fall,
smile when you cry,
or cry with you when you bleed-clean the cut and kiss da boo boo.
I want to be there.
Its my nature to want to give what I have, and I have a lot of love and care.
My friends and family I adore.
So be my Sanctuary.
Please....
I need one, to keep my heart safe from the world the wounds it so......
I don't wanna cry no more.....
Be My Sanctuary....
You wont regret it.
I Promise..

Tired

exsausted. beat down.
torn apart. and shattered.
There was a time when going to school was a haven; made me happy.
Because I had people to see, to look forward to.
But now those same people make me want to run.
Make me hate.
Make me want to die.
I want them gone!
I want these tears to end, and my soul to be free....
I dont want to feel like this.
Think I like feeling like I want to die, and want to kill?!
Well I dont....I used to always think I was the flawed one, and only me, now I see that
I am flawed and so is everyone around me....and I liked it better when I only had to fought with myself.
Rather than now, having to fight with everyone...
I Hate it.
I truly do.
Why cant they just play nice.?
Im put out, from these games.
All these stupid lil lame games.
Make me cry, make me bleed.
I dont want to see it anymore.
.....I just want....my friends back.....my life back in my control.
I just want.....I dont know.
I do, but then I dont.
Im just soooo tired....
Draging my body on charted grounds.
Reach depths uncharted, unmarked and unknown.
And its not Bliss.
ITS NOT!
And im tired.....oh so.....tired......

Tryin to move on,
tired of hangin on to _______.
"Dey aint worth it," they said.
"Forget em, you can do better," they told me.
But I sold me short.
Stopped me fast, for the first thing that showed me-
And it wasnt even real!
Hate em to the core, love em, still adore.
But I deserve more.
This loves not theirs anymore.
I got lots to offer, of this im sure.
But im not ganna play that stupid game anymore!
I wanna feel it, but for real.
But for now Im just happy being me.
But when it comes to me it better be-
Worth all the love I can give.

Dont Play Me!

So what has come to be?
things that come to me-
I cant believe, I dont ask to hear,
sometimes dont even wanna be near.
But it comes, I wont fight it,
but same mistakes i WILL NOT do.
Im not stupid.
Dont mistake my kindness for weakness.
I AM strong.
But i dont gatta parade it down the streets, im happy just being me.
Dont make me step out of character.
DONT ABUSE ME, STOP USING ME!
Who did I play to deserve this.?
I dont use people, because I know how it feels and would wish it
on No One.
Its not me.
If your a part of my life-Its For A Reason.
Dont be selfish tho.
Give back to me-What I give to you.
And we'll be just fine.
As long as you offer the best of you,-
Its all that I'll give back.
It's da Only Game I play.
If you dont know me, then it's cause you haven't earned it.
I keep my stuff quiet.
You wont know it, till I show it.
Not too many know how troubled I am.
Like two know how my mind works.
Outta 20 dat aint many.
But it's whatever, Im done trying to keep people.
People play with me, come to me only when dey need something I can offer,
but when I need them, they're always "busy," nowhere to be found.
So Im just ganna stick around, be around, be an Ass and your out.
Control yourself people, it aint that hard to have compassion.
Just remeber that others got feelings and "what goes around comes around."
But I'm not complaining,
people are acting cool-for now.
Just for future reference-
Im Not a Fool!

Announcement:

My Internets Out, BUT I'll still be posting, just not as often.
Just so you all know.

looking for&tracing-what is you.

I could trace the line a thousand times
and find new mistakes and ways to cry every time.
But what good does it do me, to relive what I can not keep-
or ever have again?.....
Answer; there is no good to it.
Except to remember the look on their face when they laughed or smiled.
To remember their quirky expressions that made me smile.
To listen to their voice again, when they spoke, when they cried, especially when they laughed or did their cute little dog impressions.....
To re-live...the good times I so much miss.....to re-live all my great times spent with them-
That I would do anything for........to have them again.......
To remember promises that I look forward to seeing if they will be kept.......promises that I also know have been broken.......
But how much longer until my Looking Glass breaks-
.....Until I can no longer see......
No Never. I will always look out my window, and see those times, see some of my happiest times See.....- Us.
The tears I cry now are not cold, not full of hate or regret.
But carry happiness at reminiscing, sadness that I don't have them, pain at what had happen, great pain at not knowing that all those things we had and have that makes me smile were all based on a lie that they told me....Now they turn into tears of confusion-
Did they lie to me? The whole time??
No part of me says. No....some of those moments....some of those things ........you just can't fake.......right??
But then another part says, yes. They did so much bad that you know for sure is true, who's to say that all those times......all those things that were said......all those things that were exchanged........were all lies.....to get to you........to me......??
I wish I knew the truth......then my decision would be so much easier......and this pain would be so much less......
I feel so much......you can not imagine....and it hurts that I will never know how much they lied to me.......how much of what they said was true...........or if their sorry is real.
But the more I trace that line, or look out the window of my looking glass-
I see both bad and good.
I always looked at the good in their hear that to this day I still see.
Always focused on that- Because I was too scared to the see the bad.....and now that I have......
I don't know.....
I know there's good........But how can I forgive them without knowing if that good was all one big lie??
How?
I cry; because I want them with me, near and close.
Because I want them to be happy, I want what best for them.
Because I want them gone, far far, so far away.
I feel so much at once. Its only a burden when they're not with me.....or speaking to me-
Or when the them and I just aren't together in some way.
Those are the only days it hurts.......
I don't want to wish bad......but I'm getting no good from this......
So many days......
Ive traced and looked......and have yet, to find my answer.......

Pretend-

Saw what I must do.
Saw what is right to do.
I must do what is right- for them.
Forgetting what I want is best.
Must be self-less.
And the hardest part of all......is letting go of the thing I want most.....
I've always said "life's not fair," and now I see that if it was-
we would never learn.
I want to be the best me I can be.
And I guess that takes sacrifices.....this will be a sacrifice I know
I will pay for, for a long while......But it's ok, right?,as long as they're happy because of it.?
Right?
I enjoy making others happy, Im cursed because I care too much-
I just never thought that when those two things met-.....
I'd be paying so dearly for it-or because of it?
If......pretending is what will help them-
Then pretend I forgot, I shall do.......Pretend It Never Happened.........
(they say if you love someone you'd do anything to make them happy.....)

Alone.

The feelings a mutual ghost that creeps inside you.
And lays there.
Consuming you.
In utter sadness and self-pitty.
Against your will.
Feeling like a stranger to the outside world.
Its as I feel Now.

Blogging

LATELY I HAVE BEEN POSTING ALL MY NEWER STUFF ON MY MYSPACE BLOG:
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.controlcenter
OR MY FACEBOOK BLOG.
SO U CAN GO THERE TO C MY NEW STUFF! ^_^
ALTHOUGH I TRY TO POST AS MANY AS I CAN ON HERE AS WELL.
THANKS FOR READING!! ^_^

The Fallen-

Here Comes the Army.
All dressed in Black.
We Call Them-
The Fallen.
They walk aimlessly,
With purpose-
To Find that Which they have Lost.
Heartlessly,
Broken.
They Search-
Here comes my initiation,
To Become one of the forever Lost.
One of the Forever Damned…
Scarred I stand.
Empty and Hallow as them I am.
But…Im not ready to go yet….
Because I carry what they do not-
Hope.
Hope for what I Won’t lose.
In Fear of Spending the Rest of Eternity,
Chasing it.
a Beautiful Lie-
yes.
But my Love I will carry,
Tired and Exhausted from the Pain.
But I Will Not Lose what I have come to Love.
No.
I will Walk on my Knees,
to the Black Gates,
see those Black Feathers Fall
from the Darkened Light in the Sky…
I will Knock on those Gates-
and Wake!
Finding that which has caused me my Trek,
Close to me,
At my side,
In my Arms.
In my Heart.
I Will Not Lose this Battle.
I Will not meet those Black Gates in
My Nightmare.
Because in that horrid dream
I Lose.
And if you Lose the War.
You Must Join the Army-
In Eternal Peril of Agony.
I Will Not Lose…
I Cant…

3/12/09

Letter to Her~

Mi Corazoncito,
Como me duele.
Its crys for you.
Las lagrimas que lloro son por que se
that I lost you bebe.
Come back to me Mi Amor.
Dont let me cry anymore.
Baby en mi corazon you lie.
No other could replace you, not in a week, not in a thousand.
No other.
Por que what you gave mi amor, will always be there no matter what.
For you, I would have given you the galaxy (see last poem I wrote)
if it meant seeing that cute smile a little while longer...
I wont beg for you any longer.
But I have no shame, in telling you como Te Extrano.
It's who I am.
Know your loved.
Know your cared for by me.
Note to the next who holds you:
If they break you, if they make you cry, if you ever hurt because of them-
I Will Kill Them.
Dont settle for just anyone.
You deserve much.
(And so do I.)
Make sure you choose them right.
Wait until you find that guy that makes you want to be committed for once.
And then youll know...he's right.
...You did me wrong. But were asked to forgive por Dios. So I dont hate you.
How could I,
but don't give me those eyes....That look of hate.
Dont hate because you did whats right, dont be mad because Im trying to do as you want.
I will never forget you.
But I am trying.
I will probably never stop trying to talk to you, but I will move on.
Its what you want....And I pray, you dont hate me.
Learn to be friends.
Im praying, so that this won't hurt.
But when I hear those songs, when I see those things, it's you I see-
In my mind.
And its the tears I feel warm swelling up.
Te Quiero soooooo much.
You don't know.
But I swear to you I am trying.
But im not too proud to let you know how I feel.
Because it helps me.
I dont mind....that I am dying as you live free.
You said it doesnt hurt you.....And even when I pray mi amor, it still hurts.
But I am trying.
God knows I am.
But I am human.
I crack and break- Strong as I am.
So permit me these words.
Permit me to write to you.
Its the one thing I can do.
Just knowing you read them.
Helps.
Permit me this.
You dont have to reply.
You dont have to do anything.
But you have your method of running away, to move on.
And I have mine.
Im not running.
I have nothing to fear.
As it slowly sinks in- "It's Over." Replaying in my mind.
I slowly die.
But I will not run, and I will Stand.
Just know this, Te Amo.
I do.
But Shhh.
That will fade. But till it does.
I still do.
And I will never stop caring.
and for my sanity let me know you'll pick the next one good.
Make sure he loves more than I.
And then you'll know for sure, he's the right guy.




This Song I had dedicated to you, and you didnt know what it meant. I dedicate it to you again...
Mi Corazoncito by Aventura
(if you could understand, you'd know what I mean)
(and you can find the lyrrics in english, jus so you kno)

En Las Estrellas I'll Wait

En Las Estrellas I'll Wait.
Cuando tu miras al cielo,
piensa en mi.
Por que tu sabes que yo estoy pensando en ti.
Mi amor, Las Estrellitas te las doy todas a ti.
Me monto en la luna, y te cojo todas las estrellitas que mis brazos pueda traerte.
Y cuando yo vea esa sonrisa tan bonita tuya (en esa carita que es mia)- ninita te lluevo en mis brazos y te abrozo
y te beso como nunca antes.
Te Quiero, Te Amo.
Y Mi Amor, Mi Vida, te Quiero dar el Mundo.
Y enstonses en las Estrellas esperare para ti Carino.
Para siempre...

-the Latin way

I have a vision.

That in my arms,

we dance a tango; the music of passion.

Or a Salsa; music to excite the senses.

Alone.

But together.

So close together.

What more beautiful chemistry could there be than two

perfect bodies moving

in sync with music of passion and romance in the background.

Hands tracing silhouettes of a songs spell on the body.

As the song quickens,

can you not see how the bodies pace quickens into the others body.

Then slows.

For a moment the bodies move oh so sensually against each other;

then hasten the pace.

Dramatic movements,

and facial expressions of pure passion.

The breathing,

the looks,

the touches,

exchanged-cosas que excita y ase mi piel cemar.

Can you not see,

that this is how love should be made-

through dance and passion.

Romance the Latin way.

Y mi Amor, I can vision us making love-

Como Nunca Antes.

Making love-

the way I dream it.

Making Passion-with Dance!

Right Now...

"I Wanna Make Up Right Now...
Wish We Never Broke Up Right Now now....
We Need to Make Up Right Now now now....
I miss you much, I cant lie.
Till I get you back , Im ganna Cry.
You were the Apple of my eye."
{Fiji Apple lol.}
"I want you to fly with me...
Miss how you lie with me...
I Wanna Make Love Right Now now now...."

I Try So Hard.

Im Trying.

The Lord knows im trying.

To be good, and do the best I can-

Not to break the Rules.

Or our rules.

On my knees,

Im trying.

But like yesterday,

I was running away from the place I call home.

Fighting, screaming, and crying,

is what I seem to know nowadays.

My smiles and laughs; never seem to last.

They fade away.

My dreams, have pieces of heaven in them.

But never fail-to show me what Ive lost/

The promises that have been broken;

When I wake Up.

I am Trying so hard.

Not to call them,

not to talk to them.

But Lord knows How Hard it is.

Im Strong-

But whos THIS strong?!?

Im Trying...

But I dont want to Keep working so hard to smile.

Work to be happy.

What makes me happy always leaves.

Never lasts.

Home is Broken to my vision-

or is my lens cracked?

Crack?

Even drugs is startin to sound nice to my bleeding ears.

Bleed?

No. No more cuttin.

My scars remind me.

Im strong.

Im on my knees-

But drugs Ive never touched

&Scars I will not restart.

I Try So Hard-

But I Want Them Right Now....

Soo Bad....

Come Back to me....

Please.

And Save me.

Moving On...

Trying to move on from them is like depression.
So many ups and downs-its actualy worse than the actual relationship.
When your in the euphoric stage its like a blinded fake bliss-Your happy smiling and laughing.
But you know its temporary.
And then you go back down,mostly when your alone-its like jumping off of something that made you happy and plunging heart first into an ice cold river,that just carries you through all the memories that make you miss and want but cant have.Through everything that you loved and is gone.
Its horrible to have Love and Lost.....
But it is true, I would much rather have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.
My hearts big, I have much care to give.
And I have no doubt that I have the ability to make the one I love happy.
Because I had made her laugh-I made her happy.
And she knew that...She didnt want to stay for the best-
Had she said those words-Had she made me truly hers-
She would have had THE BEST. And I would have made her so happy...
But I can't live in the past........
No matter how much a day I die without her--
I Must move on.....but "where do I go?"
(Id Much Rather Not Have to Move On..)

lluvia

If its Rainin,

Im thinkin of you.

Those time we talked and heard the rain together.

One of the last great times we had together

was on that day, before I left,

when we layed there and looked into each others eyes,

and you didnt want me to leave,

So Sweet.

That day, when you made it so hard for me to leave.

It Rained.

As I ran outside,

to get my ride,

and hada hide.

*laughs softly*

Babe, mi only amor,

how I miss you,

especially when im layin there at night,

closin my eyes,

I can feel you again;

Baby, as if you were there.

And its hurt,

cause when I open my eyes,

your not.

And I hear that rain, and cryin,inside;

thinkin if your hearin it too, and thinkin of me,

as I am of you.

The Dark is hard,without you by my side.

No more calls;

I took comfort in knowing that at night when Im missing you,

that you might call, make me smile, and help me sleep soundly.

In my dreams, were together, Happily;

Sleeping's a Blessing, when your there-

Cept when I wake up, and its a Nightmare.

Baby, I didnt think it would feel like this.

How I miss you.

I wanna be YOUR Babygurl,

and no one else's.

Te Quiero.

You were almost my all.

I wanna hear your voice,one way or another.

Idc, I just need you here;in my life.

Friend or foe. You gatta be here.

But Im bein forced to see you from afar.

Sometimes you dont even know im there,

but I see you,sadly,and cry inside,

cause your walking the wrong way,

your walking further,

your walking away.

So I just gatta shut my eyes,

turn around, and slowly walk away.

When I sing my songs,

it's you in my mind, your smiling face;

wit your cute dimples.

So many things we shared, can't believe theyre gone.

Like da rain, you want them washed away.

There they go, runnin, Im doin this for you,

and my future self.

But Baby, it hurts, so damn much.

(Too Damn Much..)

I want you.

Why you gatta cut it all;

I know one day, I can see you as just a friend,

but you neglect that too.

And it's hard for me to face.

Cause I never counted that you would want me,

completely out.

I had taken some comfort in thinking that

at least someday, we'd be talkin again.

But now I count on nothing.

But the cold.

Its getting old,

being sad.

But this feelings kinda hard to ignore.

But hey, this isnt a plead.

Its just my statement.

Letting myself know.

And just letting it show,

Your Supergurl's weakness

is Having Her Heart Broken.

But Im not mad, Im actualy past that.

I write this now, with no anger and minimum sadness.

Reminiscing is just da only way I can have you again,

here in my mind,

we stay.

But it's ok-If it makes you happy love.

*laughs to self* I miss your lil barks.

Im doin em now *smiles* as an ode to you,

I bark and whine now,*laughs* (dat sounds weird)

like you wanted me to but i never would,

and now, I always do it,wit friends and stuff (but only a lil,) wit you in my mind.

I wish you were still wit me,

wen Im dancin, I think of you,

I can do it now-Dance wit you;I culd do it now.

*smiles*

And things you showed me I never forgot.

*holds finger out*

Now I just need your finger to finish it. *laughs softly*

Just so many lil things I wish I wulda done for you.*barks softly,laughs*

But hey, If you ever get this,

you'll know. lol.

All the promises made;

I never forgot about the Cabin.*smiles*

And you would have loved New Zeland,

it's beautiful, like you.

(You should look it up one day.)

And the things I showed you;

did for you:sang to you,wrote for you,cried to you

(never forgot that day I held your pretty crying face)

just all those lil things; DONT FORGET EM.

Cuz theyre the special things youll cherish in da future;

so you'll never forget that theres Always someone out there who loves you.

So when it rains;

when Im lookin at da moon;

at da stars.

When Im cold;

when Im alone;

when Im hurtin;

when Im thinkin-

Its all You.

And I don't mind it-It's things we shared.

Things we had and we'll always have.

Things I dont wanna forget.

*smiles*

Ima keep em safe-Here *pats heart*

right next to the perfect memory of you.

When it's rainin,

from the stars,

I'll look into that moon-

And see it all~Forever.

*smiling*

(Remember that smiling face, with big eyes of love&care.Cuz shes the one thats got your back no matter what.

No matter when.)
"promise i'll be there everyday,Just close your eyes lets start to fly,I'm gonna love you until i die,

Until the day of my death till my very last breath i'm gonna love you,When no ones left."-Supergurl

Mwa!~ ^_^

~Ode to the first love of my life.

(dont get cocky bout the first.lol.k.)

So dis isn't bye from me,

just a "till we talk again" kinda thing.

So till then, Be Good. Dont do nothing Jesus wouldnt do.lol.

~Ciao~Wit much luv

:Sum1s Babygurl

(dat sum1 will always be you tho)

Understanding-?

Understanding as I may.
I cant help but not quiet grasp
the concept you so eagerly wish me to understand.
I can not quiet understand why?
Or How? You can stand what you are doing??
I dont get it!
But i do.
I understand your reasoning,
your reasons as to Why you had to.
But just,
Not your reason as to
How you could.
So Understanding as I may be-
I will always love you, but I will forget you??
Dats not me? Its you??
So as Understanding as I may be-
I understand-But I dont quiet get it.

There are no real words that I could write that could express in one set of writting,
how I feel.
So im stuck, writting forever.

"Gives You Hell"-NOT

If i were a bad person.
Who had no heart.
I would be GIVING YOU HELL!
Making you pay, for everything.
And Laughing my ass off with joy as I watch you squirm.
But IM NOT.
and you should be thanking God, that I pary for your Happines, and Always wish you the Best.
Cause Im just that Kinda gurl. Da one whos nice enough to tell the bully "im sowy your so bad. But one day you'll realize how much of an ass you are and it'll hurt. Bad. I just hope you learn da right and least painful way." Or sumthing like dat....lol.
So as much as Id LOOOOOOOOOOVE to Torture you.
I wont.
At least not conciously I wont.
^_^
Pray you learn- and learn it GOOD!
But make it out well in then end.
I Love You! (You know wat I mean)

The FURY-thats not me.

The Furry that I feel.
As my blood begins to boil and bubble.
I can feel it, running through hot; searing hot.
Anger like no other-This is the anger that kills.
And at the site of you, this anger got Worse!
Had I not been so eager to leave-I swear I would have walked right up to you grabbed you by the neck pin you to wall and-hurt till you bled...
And thats not me!
See what you done to me! By leaving me!
I HATE TO YOU SEE YOU HAPPY WHILE I SUFFER!
It's YOUR CHOICE WHY I DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!?
ITS NOT FAIR!
i dont want to cry...im tired of crying...i havent stopped in weeks.....
AND YOU THINK THIS IS BETTER!!!!
URGH!
I WANT THE WORLD TO BURN!!!
BURN AS I BURN!
FEEL MY PAIN and SEE why I cant smile ANYMORE!!!!!!
FEEL WHAT I FEEL!
SUFFER!!!!
......
but that's not me...im not like that.
Fury tears me apart. Voicing things I wouldnt truly want.
I fear myself for what I may do, in blast of that burning fury.
Its not me, but it quickly consumes me, and slowly becomes a part of me.
Im not Red im more pink this new color doesnt suit me.
But see what you've done- you couldnt decide to "turn a new leaf" AFTER
youve made someone happy...No. It had to be now, NOW! When im losing everything....
*sigh*
Well this is what is happening I dont know what will happen next....I just hope- I dont slip up under tension and stress and do something stupid....*RIP*....
all [this] because of you.....*crys*
(DIS IS WHY I NEED CLOSURE)

Let me Cry-

In Quiet Dismay-

.

So that I may Never,-

.

see the Light of Day...

You see the:
Girl struggling to keep trying?
Girl who smiled and gave all her attention to the things/thing she thought was best in her life-And ended up falling and being let down as always?
Girl who is growing tired, of constantly being strong and having to be brave enough to go on?
Girl who can never please people enough so that someone will be truly proud of her?
Girl who feels so hurt she can barely hold her tears now in public?
Girl who got lost somewhere along the line of being the best she could be?
Girl who is getting too extremely close to quiting?
That Girl who is now almost to the brink of exhaustion-And is dragging herself on her knees to try and get to the light although her tears blur her vision and her pain shows only darkness she continues to crawl on in desperate hope that one day,she'll make it or she'll be saved.
Have you seen the Girl?
No? Yes you have, You do now.
That Girl's Me.

I Need this-Happy? Ending

So this is where it comes to?
A few sad words and a thousand angry phrases?
All the shouting and no sincere goodbyes or I'll miss yous?
Just a ton of cover ups,the hate,anger,sadness,excuses-to Cover Up how we really feel.
No not me, you.
(the world will not come tumbling down if you look pass the fear and anger and express what you really will feel, I promise. Dont be stubborn. Dont be stupid.)
I am telling you, I want goodbye with a hug and a smile.
That'll let me know you'll be okay.
I want to know that I didn't waste my time, that you did love me.
I want to hear it one last time.
I wont ask for one last kiss...that's too much.
I know you can't handle it all.
But I Can.
And I won't let you fall.
So give me the chance, I wont let you make the same mistake, I will put restraint on both of us.
I just Love You, and don't want to leave this....Knowing I never got to tell you how much I care one last time, or see you smile with those funny dimples;so cute or smell that intoxicatingly heavenly smell you carry that drives me wild, or just hear that voice that makes me feel so at home (with you),all these things-One Last Time. It Kills Me.
I NEED One Last Good Memory. So that for future reference I can think back, and Smile
rather than frown, at the Last Time...
I Need this more than you know- And I want you to do the same.
Tell me everything-as if I were leaving to heaven and never coming back.
Tell Me.
And I'll Tell You.
We Need to-say our happy endings.
For Closure.
Don't Let it End like this...Please....I Beg You-Because It'll Kill Me.
(you're not cold hearted your my sweethearted yvonne I know you-
you could do this for me. just this once and say goodbye as you know I want to hear it. And I'll never turn back again-
As I Know You Want It to Be.. )

The Dream that has a Chance to Live~

I had a Dream-

We were together.

In that Dream-

We were so happy.

Because in that Dream-

We let ourselves...Just Be-

Together.

Shoulda seen that smile-

On your face.

Shoulda heard my laugh-

So real and full of sheer joy.

Wish you coulda been there-

Wish you coulda seen it-

Oh Wait!-

You Still Can..

(give it a chance,

you wont regret it...)

I Promise...

[Because I love You-

And I'd never hurt you,]

(and I'll never let you go...)

I wish there was a way that I could make you see just how much you truly mean to me...
I dont want you to feel like that....Im Here for you. Trust me love. Let me be here for you.
Dont lie to me. You broke your word soon as you made it "I'll stick around as long as you do,"
Im still here...Where are you?
Why do you hate me? When I only try to be nice and good to you, to want and care about you, I dont care if it's not my job, you dont seem to get that it is. Because Im your friend, because Im more than your friend...I know you and I care. That's all I need to help you,to want to be there for you.
Dont be stubborn, dont be stupid babe. You got something good in front of you. Are you ganna throw this away too?...?