Trust

How could you be shocked that I have no faith in you?
I've even told you, "I never fully trusted you."
And after all the things I find out....How could you expect me to have any belief in you........
But wanna know a secret.........It kills me to say I don't......
I always wanted to trust in you.........Alexsis........But I knew I never could.......
And I guess it just scares me now........Knowing that I can.........and Knowing all that you did as well.......
The pains too much.......and Trust is something you just never earned,
you cried, and apologize-
But does that really make it all right?
I don't believe so.......You never gave me a valid reason to Trust you.......and you still really haven't.
Except for your word that you've changed. But after what you've done, How is your word worth anything??.....
You Haven't Changed.
You might be in the process. But the you I love, is always there.....
But in my eyes, heart, and mind.
Your always going to be intertwined with the memory of the way I feel now- Result from what You've done....
And I Hate to say that........I feel like a Horrible Person........For feeling these things.
I'm not used to seeing the worst in someone for so long.......especially not someone that I had always seen and looked for the good in, no matter what......Like you.
I did.
I truly did......
But look what I got in return.....But hey.......
Secretly.......I want to trust you.......
Even though you don't trust me, having no reason not to.
I still keep searching for the good in you.........it's just harder to see now..............