Toy Soldier with a Glass Heart

"Im suppose to be the soldier, who never blows his composer

Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders

I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it

Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter

I'd never drag them in battles that I can't handle unless I absolutely have to

I'm supposed to set an example

I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em

If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em..."

So what do you do when you find that all the hope that was being fed to you was all a lie, and was only to make you happy? What do you do when all that you were fighting for is taken away from you...Before you were even given a chance??
What do you do when life isn't fair???
What?!?!
....
What do you do, when your put on the stand and convicted, without a real chance to plead your case, and if you plead, you know that they're not listening...?
IT'S UNFAIR!!!
I Fought! So Damn Hard!! I should get a chance!!!
.....I should be allowed a chance.....a real chance....to make you happy
It's just not fair....why? Why am I not granted a chance??
What did I do to push you away so, to make you want to leave so...What??
I will now spend the rest of my life in Shackles, wondering What if- I had been given a chance. Just One...
Forever I will wonder, because I never got the chance to know.
And I worked so hard for that chance, that you just wouldn't give me!!
What do you do now hm? Lying in the cell of your mind, with your heart in shackles, wondering...forevermore What If-

Grrr!!

Rrrr....RRRR....rrrr...
I hate missing you, hate that things are different, hate that things aren't the same between us.
I miss the way we were, miss the hope so strong you gave me and I had, and I hate the new fear that I have...(that has replaced the hope)
I Miss the summer, when you wanted me with you, when you used to ask me to hang out with you, and I wasn't the one always asking. When things were so...good. When you would take time for me, when we had those talks-Do you remember? Late at the night...Oh the beautiful talks we've had...
When...things were so different and we weren't afriad to show and tell each other how we truly felt, when there was nothing but communication between us. And so much care, you were so sweet....
Now you hide it all...I don't feel any of it...I miss it all....I Miss You.
I Miss what we had and you gave me. And Hate that...you gave me hope, at least you lied to me to make me happy....at least....but not I know the truth and know there is no hope[,and I hate it...]
Then what am I fighting for??
Urgh!
Rrrr...rrrr...rrRrrr.
*smiles to self quietly*

Thanx A Lot...

You never gave me a chance,
How could you turn down something before you even know what it's like..
But ok. I see, you no longer want me. You seem to be growing tired of me, you don't need me...
You want me stop liking you, you want me at a distance.
At least that what your saying to me.
When you don't talk to me, never come see me like before, and always choose others over me without even a goodbye...
You Don't Want Me.
But the thing that confirmed it the most, and really was a direct stab at the heart-
Was when just last night, you told me you didn't want Pablo...The way you said it, like he meant nothing to you.
You have thrown around your room like trash,that's probably when I should've taken him back, when you started to treat him like trash. Knowing how much he meant to me, and how much I wanted you to have him, you say what you said. I cried after that. And I realized, why did I give him to you, you've never given me a gift. Not Once. Never a Christmas gift, as I gave you, Not Even a Birthday gift! At least I gave you a card! You really have never once given me a single thing to remember you by...Yup I'm Special.
So Ok, I'll take Pablo back, but if he gets returned, I want it all back. My Munky, the CD I bought you, even the Charm Necklace-I'm Sure you won't miss any of it...I'm sure it all means nothing to you anyways...Well at least that's what you've shown me. They're probably all lying somewhere, you can't find them.
Oh but you can keep the card, I couldn't do anything with that anyways.
But that's how much it hurt me, just that sentence, was actually one of the most painful things you ever told me, and showed me how little I mean to you...
Saddens me tho, Because...Well, I guess I just want to hear that you want them, that they mean something to you, my little trinkets, because they all meant something to me. And even after you've stopped talking to me(which I hope doesn't happen,as I fear), you'll still treasure them...As I would have, if you ever bothered to give me something....

My Confession

I Love You, I Do. I truly truly do. Mi Amor.
Pero me duele. I can't be with you any longer.
I Can't: Kiss You, Hug You, Caress You, let you Hold Me.
I Can't: let there be Touching or hand holding; I can Barley talk or look at you. [Because all I'll want to do is to look at you with love, to talk to you with care, to hold and caress you with endearment, to kiss and touch you with passion- just to Show You Love.]
And I Can't, when your Not Mine. I can't do it any longer. And although, this may be the hardest thing of my life, I may just have to....let you go. You'll never be ready for me, So it seems. And I love you too much, to continue torturing myself. All I want is you, but you want it all. You won't be happy with just me, so it looks, and if I'M not good enough for you...then you shouldn't be worth my time...But...I Just Can't Help It...I Love You.
I Do!
I Cry for you, My Rose! ... I do...
Pero tu nunca me vas a quierer, como yo te quiero a ti.
So you see, if the road you choose is to never have me, and always keep running, then I must say....I Think I am Falling Out of this Game...
(how it pains me to even type those words, if I'm crying now, i don't know how i will say them to you...)
These words I type may not be exact, and no where near how I truly feel, but use your mind, to understand me, my dear, I've worked so hard...So Hard-Para ti!
Do you know what I am saying?
Do you understand?!?
This is hard, so very hard, and I Don't Know how you feel about me, I don't know what exact impact Ive had on you or your life....But my words still Stand.
I Love You....and if playing is what you choose to keep doing.....then.....break my own heart I must...
(You Don't Want Love,you don't know what love is, you want a fling, and you'll never be happy With just Love, you need to have the person not want you for it to be your kind of "Love".)

I Just Can't Help-Feelin'...

I'm Sorry to Mislead, Didn't mean to Confuse.
I Just Can't Help, but Feel How I Feel.
I know I make no sense, and I delay saying things.
And I also Know that I Don't say everything and I hide what I feel,
saying what wants to be heard.
And I'm sorry, but hey at least you can't complain, I Can Make you/them Happy.
But regardless, I know Ive been acting weird lately, and Im sorry.
It's just that the things I hear, I Don't know what to believe and all the things that are said got me So Confused. And..Urgh! It gets to me every now and then, just too much to think about.

My Rose Part II

Beauty lies in the Soul & it's contents, not in what one is told of the person & it's outsides.
And yours, my Dear, is Beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7coPq-UjBJ4
Have you ever met such a rose? Such a rose as mine. It is beautiful, in my eyes.

Others have held it, and felt it's soft petals and blessedly piercing thorns, and have called it kind words like they do for all other flowers, but none have said sweet nothings as I have. For no other, holds this delicately fierce rose as I do. Because you see, in my eyes, this rose is an incomprehensible number of times more strikingly picturesque than any other. And most call me blind, and I do not argue but it is a blindness, I would never rid of. For it helps me see the loveliness of my rose, in ways that only I can see. In ways that only I, can feel. And better that it is I the only one to see her this way, for I would never think of sharing this great gift. She is at most my all, I would carry her everywhere, if her thorns would not prick me and her restlessness would not make her so determined to be left and replanted to grow alone on occasions. She is a wild thing, my rose, but so placid and warm she can be. And that is why I can not let her go. Why I must carry her always with me, to hold and caress, when either she or I become lonely. Even every now and then, she cries, my rose, and it breaks my heart to see those glistening watered drops slide down the lovely red of her coat. Pains me so, to know she hurts, making me to want to do nothing more but hold my rose, close and warm in my arms, and let her cry all her fears and worries away on my chest, in my cover. I will shelter her, best as I can, with all my ability from all harm, rain, sleet or snow; hurricane, landslide, or even death itself- I shall cover her always. But my rose, can be strong she can. She likes to put her I don't need help mask on and carry all the dirt alone, but when she begins to break,and wilt that's when I pick her up, clean her good, caress her gently, kiss her and get her growing again. She will grow a little forgetting of me, until once more she needs someone,. But it's alright, I love my rose. For her I will take the pain of her own will grown thorns.

Beautiful curves, my rose carries. The way she bends, how beautiful she smells, caress those velvet petals, running my lips on that silk made skin, can you just imagine it. The taste is pure honey gold to my mouth and the feel is heaven.

She has given me many pleasures, my sweet smelling rose has. She has brought so much joy, especially every time she permits my touch.

So you see My Rose is something special, something superior in comparison to others of it's kind, but only in my eyes. And you see that's what makes it special- That Only I, can love her the way I do. But my rose might not yet know just how special a flower she is to me, but regardless if she knows it or not my feelings for My Rose are unchanged until the end.
.
My Rose, stay with me, and let me continue seeing all that you hide.
Be my Rose Always...
[Mi Flor, te Extrano y Te Quiero Siempre.]
.
.
,
.
Other Videos that I thought were beautiful and/or good&the song was similar to the top video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOiUKD-6R5U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW0i1zZhKKw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXDonUxBxig

Grrr.

Rrrrrr Rrrrrr rrrrr Rrrrr.
Wait...Idk.

If in my arms you rest, you'll be cared for.
If in my mind you lay, you'll be safe.
If by my side you stand, trust and loyalty from me you carry.
If in need you are, a friend you'll always have.
If love is what you require, a hug will always await you.
If uncertain you are, patience you shall see.
If down you are, a smile I will give you.
If bored you find yourself, a laugh I'll always pull out for you.
.
But if my heart you've stolen...then with care you Must handle.
And if my prayers you receive unknowingly, then much you owe me.
No. Wait- If for you I've _ and fought to _ for again, Then you owe me Much.
If my request you have not yet heard, then listening you have not been and said it I have already.
For the one thing I ask for: Is... nothing. *lying* (what you refuse so stupidly)

Time's Runnin' Low y tu no escojes, no seas estupida.
Dont Push Away, the only thing you got left.
.
.
.
That Loves You.
.
.
.
Dont Beak Both Our Hearts. When Happy We Could Both Be.
Why you scared to be happy?

Feels Like Heaven....

How blissful the the view.
Do you see: the road, slowly dissapering as walk deeper into-
the forest, so green, tall, high and mighty. Taunting in light, and haunting at night.
When you walk that path, to that place, of secrecy. Walking, hearing the wind rustling past the leaves, in such hurry, but gently swaying the trees clamly. Until you hear the quick flash of the water running. There, Do You See it? The patch of light, in the only clearing in a entertwined mess of green giants. Where soft grass grows, and the wind whispers and whistles past you. Walk to the other side. Do You See, the water running? The rush of the streaming currents, so shallow and playful, putting up a fast and dangerous front. Step in, it's warm, yet cooling. Streaming and Running. Walk back, to the clear, sit down and think. Did I forget something?...
You forgot the person,... you care most...You Forgot Them. They could be here with you. Holding you, playing with you. caressing you. But You Forgot them....How could you forget them?

9/11

~We Still Remember~

On this day, 7 years ago. A horrible, but historic event happened. When 2 civilian planes were hijacked and crashed into the Twin Towers, of the World Trade Center.
A day when hundreds lost, family; mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers and sisters... And even close friends, other loved ones; Best friends, people you've known your whole life, your soon to be fiance...So many lost...So many people. And even if you don't know anyone who suffered in the fall, you know that those who did, those you didn't know; had someone that; would miss them when they're gone, their wife or husband, or sons and daughters. That someone would grieve for their loss. Someone would be crying for them, and miss them, and need them. On this momentous, and memorable day, we honor all those who died and all those who fell as well, helping to save hundreds of spared souls, now living to tell of the heroics of a hero now in heaven. This is a day that America shall Forever remember, a day that is Forever marked in our history. Rest in Peace...

Because-

~We Still Remember,

Now and Forever More.

and We Will Never Forget...~

Here I am, in a World so Strange-
So Full of Hopes and Fears.
Stuck in the middle of a Traffic Jam-
Paralyzed at the center of what I fear most, hoping that as it surrounds me it won't notice...
Scared to move on, in great apprehension of what lies ahead, in great disquietude of failure.
With sudden bursts of inspiration, and no motivation, it is very near impossible
to expect a good future...
So in Fear of this Alien world I live-
Not wanting to advance forward, as my feet trudge ever more swiftly onward.
Committing me to my Unknown Fate...

How Can I Express, What I really Feel
Combined with What I Really Think?
How Can I let--Them Know-What I mean??
I Want to make sense, I want for them To Know me-
To Understand What I mean, Exactly.
How Can I Do So??

When I lay at night, because I can't sleep,
I lay and think of all- Everything.
And I start to think, Will I make it?
And if I do...Will I be Allowed in??
I begin to grow desperate, and when Im not crying, or hurting-
I Pray...to God...That he may save all those who feel as I do and worse.
I Pray, that no one else feel like me. That no one should have to feel like this.
I pray, Mamy get better,
Sister dont ever rember, be happy and innocent for as long as forever.
I Pray that people would understand each other, for more kindness,
that they'd understand me...
I Pray, for forgivness, no I Plead.
I Pray that if Im not saved, that at least others may learn from me, that my sister wont do the same or fall as hard, that others wont go this way and take a better path.
I Pray, that THEY all live better, than I feel...and are rewarded for their good and learn from their bad, and that they dont repeat the same mistakes.
I Pray, they be happy.
That's what I want. Kindness and Understanding of one another world wide...
And if possible, God could spare a moment to make me sane again, that'd be nice too...

Fatal Attraction

Scared for Life you Left me,
But in a Deadly Liking I find myself.
Just for enjoyment, we Play this Little Game.
Only for Pleasure, We Break the Rules.
I hate What you Did to Me,
Cry at just the thought of What it Had felt Like.
Hatred I carry For You,
Now turned into nothing more Than a Want.
A Crazy Battle I fight within myself,
to Carry Your Command and Resist my Needs.
Why?! WHY?!?! You Do Nothing for Me!
But yet here, I Feel, what I Hide, and Lie about;
Because I Will Not let it be real.
(I Will- NOT. Not Again...)
..........
Ripped for Life You Left Me,
But in a Fatal Attraction, I stand.

What I Want---is--->You.

I Want to Be All the New in Your Life.
I Want to Be All that You Need.
I Want to Be All that You Want.
I Want to Be There for You.
I Want You to Let Me In.
I Want to Be the Only One You Want to Hold.
I Want to Be....

Call Me-

Talk to Me-

Tell Me All it is That You Hide.

I Want to Be the Only One there for You (in so many ways.)

I Want...You to Want Me.

I Want You to Need Me.

I Want You, Not to Replace Me...

A Promise~To You: (Hold My Hand)

Hold My Hand,

Comfort Me.

And I'll Guide You,

Trust in Me.

Dont Be Scared,

I've Always Had Your Back.

Even When You Cut Me Out of the Picture,

I Was There at Your Side...

Always-

So Dont Run From the Good in Your Life.

I Wont Hurt You,

Never have.

Hold My Hand,

Dont You Fear-

I Only Want the Best For YOU.

I Care-

So the Least You Could Do, is-

Not Insult Me(;and My Efforts),

And Let Me in-

Trust Me~

I wont Ever Hurt You...

~I Promise~

You Are-

You brighten my day,
when sky's are gray.
You are my inspiration,
when my words go dry.
You clear my eyes,
when tears blur my vision.
You make me sing,
when all I had felt was to scream.
You made me laugh,
when all I wanted was to die.
You were there when I wanted to run,
and You took me by the hand and made me stay.
You Are...My All.
You Are My:

My Inspiration,

aspiration.

My want, need, goal

and addiction.

You Are:

Music,

the rhythm i play,

the tune i sing

beat i hum.

Friends,

that i hold dear,

and always keep near.

Family,

always there,

crazy, wild, and fun,

always someone to love.

God,

my creator, protector, and (supporter?).

My Soul,

the essence of me,

where the All flows to & from,

my words,

fears,

tears,

screams,

dreams,

hopes,

and all else I failed to mention.

You are My Everything.

You Are,

My Me.

(Please note that this isnt about a person and I listed what the you was)

Savor Our Fantasy...

Take my hand-

Dance with Me.

twirl across the stars with me,

lead the way,

to the moon.

We'll hide there,

Forever-

untill the day, this Fantasy ends.

The day when we will awaken

enterwined,

and interlocked [with each other];

with burning, rising flames around us.

But Untill then...

Dont let this-

~Fantasy~, Fade...

(Im Living in a Fantasy...)

Wonder How Long it'll last...?

Tell me, all your secrets, all you hide, deep inside.
I'll be your box. Your storage of dreams, fears and hopes.
Keep me close, I'll protect you & all that you tell me.
Trust in me, and we'll go deep...
Pick a level, and dats how far we'll go.
But just, trust in me.
Cuz I can Keep.

Humanity- Kindness Can Save.

See your Hand??
Do you See her cry? No? Even after she told you she cries so much inside...
See your arm??
See her sad?
Take that arm and outstretch it towards her, take that hand and place it on her shoulder.
So those sad eyes, weak smile, and lie, tell you, "no...I'm fine."
Don't say ok...Because it's easier. Stop the urge to run, look her straight in the eyes, and tell her-
"Are you sure?" And show her that your Truly there for her... [(If your ganna play the role of "friend" then play it right, or quit b4 it's too late...)]
If not...Then you'll see....The next day....Did you hear the news? About the girl??
They said she had been suffering from depression for a while now.
Yeah, she asked for help. No, no one [truly] listened.
Did you hear???
How she ended her life...
.
One Kind act can make the difference between life or death for one person...If we all made at Least One move for kindness a day....WE Could Save Hundreds.

The Price Humanity Shall Pay...

I Cant see,

I'm Scared.

My Visions blurred, Because I'm afraid.

I feel bad,

I worry.

I worry because I feel Guilty.

There's no way out,

I Panic.

I Panic because I'm Trapped in my own Web...

I spun myself into this Entanglement,

But not without help.

Those who helped create it,

and those who help destroy it.

I keep my mouth so shut on so many things,

giving people the chance to "think" they have power over me.

Those poor Bastards.

I am Sensitive yes,

Better to feel than to be Hollow, Heartless, and Shallow.

I Make Mistakes,

Better to fail, Learn, and Carry on,

I at Least Can Admit I made them.

But with the way I Feel,

the things I envision-

How much Longer can I make it?

With this corruptness and coldness of humans,

How much Longer will this world actually carry on??

Not Much Longer...For a World can not Exist in so much hatred...

We were born from Love-

& Without it we can not live.

I too shall die...Alone, as I feel now?...I Hope Not.

As much of the future, and the world, and the people who inhabit it, as I know.

I Still Fear so Very Much...

For Humanity...

They will Suffer,

if they Do Not open their Eyes and Learn.

How can this be??

Please don't set me free...

It's what I want, yes.

But not in this form.

Not like this!

Please dont,...

dont do this to me!

I cant take it, cant handle anymore Pain...

I just Cant...

If you do this to me I'll break,

not Crack,

But Full Out Break.

You Can't Leave me...

Your not the First, yeah....But your....

My Mom...

So You Cant, Just CANT!

Leave me...

I feel so bad, Look at who've I become.
I can't move on, because of what I've done.
It's not ALL My fault, they helped a lot with it.
But who carries the burden, me.
.
I wish to Pretend like it never happened, but I can't deny it did.
So confused, am I really what I'm becoming, what they say I am??
No! I don't want to be, I wont succumb to it, I will fight it to the end...
But when is that?? Whens the end?
.
More Murderess I become, it's driving me crazy, running me to the edge.
I don't want this any longer, how does everyone else cope?!?!
I don't know. But I'm alone as well, I need to find that someone who loves me, and actually cares for my well being..., who will make Me Want to Change Who I Am & Become a Better Person.
I need Motivation, Guidance...Help!...
.
I cant do this any longer. But I'm also determined to avoid what I used to be...so Dark & Suicidal... I don't want to be that again...Not again. But sometimes it's so hard...to resist...the Urge, the Temptation that is Death & Pain. I Do Not ask to suffer, but I do. I do not enjoy to plead, but I must...For it is the only way...Anyone Will Hear Me...

Im sorry- I got involved.
Sorry- I let my emotions get the best of me.
Sorry- Im human.
Sorry- Your her's and not mine.
Sorry- you dont see what they realize.
Sometimes Im even Sorry- You Met Me...

Dont Fade Away...

Hold my hand,

rest on me.

But whatever you do, dont fade away...

Kick and scream as you may, I won't let you go.

Cry and beg as you please, I won't let you quit.

Let me carry your baggage, regardles of the damage.

Why do I go through all this trouble?

Why do I care?

Why do I bother so damn much?!

Because...

I love you...

And...

Your my [Mamy]...

All that you've done for me...

It's my turn to do for you...

Just wish...I could do more....

.

But I wont let you go,

.

I wont let you Down,

.

So....Dont....Fade Away....

Gatta love, those moments where all we have is each other.
And even though I'm not completely yours and your not completely mine-
for those few moments together we're no one elses but each others. (Well at least that's what I see/feel.) And as wrong as it may be in everyone elses eyes, in ours it's an-adventure? An arousing experience, I mean there's no other teacher I'd rather have than you...And wrong as it may seem, Bad as the world may see it-It's what I feel, Lo que siento- And I cant help it.
What's wrong with experimenting- curiosity.? Fun??
I mean when you touch me, the way you move with me in your arms, the way you kiss me, the way your arms trace my contents...How can you help it? Your smell, your touch, your taste...EveRything! How could anyone, resist?! ... Well I cant...Or at least...I don't want to... I like what I feel...I like the rush of doing what I shouldn't, but mainly...I like feeling so wanted by someone I want as well....At least for those few moments we're together, just then, that's what I sensed, but I'll like it when Im with them or not...lol. But I love it most, for those few moments-When Im theirs and their mine...

I am actualy relieved-at your answer to my question...
Because you didnt know but I had really felt like taking my question back after I had asked it.
Because I realized...I'd much rather be-Friends With Benefits...

My last post about "you" was 5/24/08
Great. =] ...??

Where Are You? [Papy?]

Where's the father I had,

the Daddy I need,

the Papy I want?

Where's the man that carried me when I was born,

that showed me how to fly a kite,

that taught me about things I didn't know?

Where's the guy that I once knew,

that had called me Muneca,

that picked me up and played with me?

Where's the person...

that long ago...

I once admired and idolized?

Daddy,

Father,

...Papy...

I Need you...

and I Miss you...

Who's ganna be that person now?

You killed it for yourself;

I DON'T love what you've become,

a Monster.

I love what you were, what I remember you being.

But who's going to fill that void?

No one can hold you like a father can...

and I don't have one...

He's dead to me...

So what do I do?

To get to you?

~Papy,I'll Always be tu Muneca~

(Your Doll)

.

Note: I DO know that Papy

isn't spelled like dat.

But dats how I spelled it

when I was little.

American Ignorance! (What Are We Afraid Of !?- Nothing but the Truth...)

America is seen as selfish and greedy.
Why?
Because we are.
Materialistic and self indulged country.
We only worry for our needs.
We supper size it when others cant even get a quarter of a small.
We worry about the newest cell phone, song, and clothes and take our schools and education for granted...
When Soooooooooooooo many others in the World would KILL for an opportunity we easily throw away.
What is wrong with our society!
Why are we so backwards. We should use part of our money on those who TRULY NEED it.
Instead of buying those new shoes when you have 3 others pairs at home that are still good to wear, send that money to a program dedicated to helping those in need.
Instead of Super Sizing it, buy a smaller size, you DON'T need the WHOLE thing, and send the money leftover to an association dedicated to saving people lives medically.
You don't need 100 dollars 5 CAN make a difference.
WE can make a difference.
THE WORLD IS CRUMBLING BENEATH US, and you're too busy thinking about what to buy, or how to live it up at that party next weekend...
when others starve...and die.
You say that's THEM, how does it effect ME?
It does...because it will spread...and your future will feel it...
Help your children, Help the World...
YOU CAN SAVE US ALL- SIMPLY BY:
SPREADING THE WORD.
Tell everyone and anyone about it, all.
Don't be afraid of the Truth that is the World Around Us.
America Isn't the Planet, and You Aren't the World.
The Planet is our Home, and the ALL the people that inhabit the World are your family,

So Respect it and them,

and

SPREAD THE WORD.

4/28/08, 8:24PM

Make A Diffrence.

What is this world coming to.
That we can't even realize the horrid things we commit, and the lovely lie that we live in.
Our world, as we have come to know it, is changing.
People, it is, evolving...no, it is, Dissolving.
We are losing all the great we have made, to the all the bad we have given birth to.
Not only that. But we harm all living things on the face of the earth.
IS THAT FAIR!
Who are we. Who are we to control the fate of so many other living, breathing, things.
WE ARE NO ONE!
We are humans, we were never given the power to destroy so many, without cause.
So Please Help us stop,
Help us stop the thing that destroys us...
Help save the world.
One person Can Make a difference.
I know I have.
And I stand alone, untied with all those that fight against it around the world.
Help save us against Global Warming.
Give the furture a chance.
(This was inspired and dedicated to 30 seconds to mars- Beautiful Lie video and song. An effort against Global Warming. http://exploreourpla.net/global-warming/videos/a-beautiful-lie-30-seconds-to-mars-at-arctic.html this is the site.)
3/26/08 1:58 PM

Always being Heart Broken,

always getting what I may of deserved;

but for what?!

Tears,

screams,

and scars I never asked for?

I've done good,

and bad;

but have always lived with good intentions,

to be a good person...

So why do I always get punished for it?

To pay for what I didnt intend or see coming.

*sigh*

Guess, it's just to learn,

to learn, life's lessons.

But why do I always gatta learn the hard way...

I Need Sumone to hold me up,
not just sumone to back me up;
I guess, I'm not scared to admit anymore,
That I just really need;
A Hug... =(

The Way that I feel-

Indescribable...

Undecided...

In what to do,

in which way to look...

Lost-

So take me by the hand and guide me...

And I will, trust me, Pay you Back;

Forevermore Grateful-

To the one...Who could save my life....

Trust me once and for all-

Believe the words that [flow/]fumble from my lips;

they're honest...

I may have lied- before,

but I am not perfect,

we all make mistakes.

So believe me now,

I do not lie;

I have changed...

Trust me Once and For All-

...

How it hurts me,
to hear those tears; and not be able to dry them.
.
How it pains me,
to know that your hurt; and not be able to fix it.
.
How it kills me,
Friend, Dear, Love, Sweetie, Amiga...
To know that you have been hurt so badly and when you cry to me,
I cant do anything but hold you and tell you "it'll pass."
.
I'm sorry...
I wish I could cure it all for you...
I don't want to see you pain but I am honored, you trusted me enough to let me see it.
.
Just know this, when you feel alone and the world feels to heavy to carry on your shoulders;
I'm here for you, Always.
Girl, you got me to help you carry the load.
So never forget, that dorky girl, that doesn't do much, cant say the right stuff, and can be oh so mean, that when life gets tough, She's always there for you.

Much Love, Lizbet~

Frm: ~Gaby~

"Words are powerful..." ~Someone I wont forget...too soon.

What's Wrong with "ME"...

I don't want to upset,or mislead anyone. I never have, some things...just weren't my intentions.
But people tend to misunderstand and I tend to never correct it when I have the chance. Living on saying "wish I would've done that." For the rest of my life, living in the past...never being able to move on because of what holds me back. Because of what tortures me. Now, it is beginning to affect every aspect of my life. Before I could control and ignore it. But as time went by, especially recently, it became harder and harder to control it, to...runaway from it. Now it's time to face it. Ok yeah Fine! But how....how do you face something that you can no longer reach? Ive tried to talk to those Ive hurt, to fix things, but they will either not talk to me or talk once and I'll never hear from them again...People lie, when I try so hard....So Damn Hard. Who says I want to try. I just want to move on...I Want
My life back.
But now I cant even move forward without taking a step back. Ive changed. My friendships diminishing. My family doesn't trust me. My love life non-existent. My future...Quickly Disappearing.
I just want...Gaby. Even Gabriela.
But this person, this...stranger I'm forced to walk with Every Living Day!
Isn't...Me. I am Lost.
And I just want, the little help I cant get on my own, to finish this, and
Meet Me again.
But I cant do it on my own, I see that now....I just cant...No matter how much i d like to.
So ME just wait....a little longer. I'll find you, again.
Just wait for me...

Prayer to Mi Angle~

Angel why arent you protecting me,
watching over me.
Helping me, to guide me.
I pray on my knees to you,
and you are no where to be found,
you little mischevious angel.
[You little devil.]
Why do you do this to me?
Please, help me, guide me, and protect me,
like you have and always will be....

Over it...

How over it I am,
Over Love,
Over Pain,
Over tears, scraps, and people....
So over, their thoughts, the words they say, and all that Shh...
I'm just so Over It!
Over all the shh that was caused, over all the effin tears i cried for you, them and me,
over all the things I had so stupidly fallin for.
Over it! And it Wont happen again...

Scrub,
Scrub,
Scrub, wash and clean,
all these horrid feelings away...
To rinse them away with water,
so it flows down and away,
far, far, away down the river and into the ocean.
To be lost, Forever...

How I was so easily coaxed,
into these silly,
little stupid,
feelings and thoughts.
It's just, not how I wish to be thinking,
not how I wish to be living.
But how to erase it?
I don't know.
I know that I cant help it,
I know that I try to fight it,
I know that...if I were to have it, I'd like it...
But that's bad, not ME.
But...just a part of me, a part I wish I could erase,
A part better off burned.
But oh, the fun Ive had with that side of me,
and if I don't erase it, the fun I could have...

Always keep love at arms length.
Let it in too close and its will fire will burn.
"Let it burn baby..." doesn't always have to apply,
when your smart life isn't always so hard.
So keep friends near and dear, because they'll pull you forward when your goin backwards.
And keep love far, because it'll keep you down.

My fingers pressing on the keys,
is like music flowing from inside of me,
through, passing itself on. Onto the window where all can be seen.
Where you, I, them, her, and All can see. Where all can read me,
can see into my mind.
My lovely power of expressing how I feel, poetically, to express all the
mumbled words, jumbles thoughts, and muffled, choked down unspoken words lie dormant,
until these hands, these fingers awaken them.
Onto these keys I pour, but onto my pen and paper I fall, where my best and most beautiful, saddest, scariest thoughts and feelings lie. Waiting to be seen by the world, or hiding for centuries to come only to be found and admired.
Yet to be discovered are all those feelings unfelt and thoughts unfounded.

Morals...

How can something that feels so right,

Be so wrong?

To All of my Future B. Friends...

Im Scared to fully trust you,
Sweetie, I Luvs you, Truly I do,
But just rember this, Please.
That I have a tendency to fall, and fall fast for people who show me compassion and true friendship, love and honesty, for people who show me all the things I want see,
and I ALWAYs pay. Because I get hooked so fast and easily, it hurts me deeply when they Always leave in the end.
So Ive learned to be more cautious so as to not get hurt.
So as long as you understand that, Sweetie. We'll be great.
Dont think that I dont trust you please, if you think that, you insult me. And dont Ever, EVER, just NEVER think that I dont listen. You'd be surprised how good I can listen.
But, just give us time, and we'll be tighter than the tightest I've ever been with anyone.
So Just Keep this in mind,
K Sweetie, and we'll be fine.
I Luvs You, Bunny. ^_^

In a better world,
Humans wouldn't exist.
That, would be, the best world.
A world without the cause of Destruction.

Goin High, and Never bein able to Fall Low Enough...

Barely passin,
Hangin by a thread.
Made of glass,
crystal high.
Wish, to the the stars, next door, that I, could bring it down,
low enough,
to touch earth.
To cum down, and relax, just let life, relapse, for a lil while,
as I just cruise on in pure blissful harmony.
But stuck up,
Strung High I am.
And aint no cumin down, unless,
[you] Someone Cuts the String.

"Feeling bad makes us human,
but hope makes us wise." -Aaron Ramirez

Poem to My New BFF~

~Want me to Hold You Up,
I will lift you to the sky.
~Want me to Make You Smile, When your down,
best believe I will Make you bust up Laughin.
~Want me to Hug You, just cuz,
my Arms are Always open.
~Want me to Hear You out,
Girl, I will Hear, and Advise you, till me ears drop, and my voice stops.
~Want me to be The Bestest Friend for you,

...I'll be all that and More.

^_^ Cuz Im a Friend thats here to stay. ^_^

Tell me,
what your ganna tell me,
and then tell me what you told me.

Como...

Como me das una sonriza,
..... lleno de lo que el llamo "amor,"
Quando tu, dieses que no sientes nada por mi.

Mientes.

Y Rompes, nada pero MI pobre, stupido, corazon.

Como me ases llorad y sonrir todo con el mismo abrazo,

Sin sientendo nada,por mi?

Take the knife,

and swiftly, very "sweetly",

insert into

The hole that you left, behind.

The hole that you dug,

Deep into my heart.

So stop the bleeding,

by causing death,

and just insert the rest.

And; Finish Your Job, you started.

I see all...

and it kills me...

"You Dont know me

and you Dont even Care..."

Cant write about someone...I Dont Know.

Its the ME, I, MYSELF, (and you)

I Dont [truly] Know...

And now, I swear to Hide the unknown, and all the little that I Do know, The Feelings I feel,

I find myself making these promises for others...

that I just cant keep...

[and I Hate making promises I cant keep]

But its all they, [you] want from me...

But it's not what I want for myself...

But I do want to make all happy...

But how can I do this, without Hurting myself...?

I know all,

for everyone else...

I see all...

and it'll always kill me...

Its a Gift...

A cursed Gift that comes at a price...

That I Always Pay,

(and all, for others that dont care).

Dont do it anymore

She says

Dont do it

She whispers

Not Again!

She Crys

Damnit! No More!

Then Why Cant I stop...

I know

that you

no longer feel

those feelings anymore.

But I still feel,

everything.

I feel it all,

hate,

love,

want,

care,

despise,

dismise

the list doesnt end.

On and on,

I secretly cry,

worst part is...I cant tell no one why I frown.

But dont

misread me

I care for you,

and I care for her,

very strictly as Friends,

I KNOW how to separate friends from something else or more.

Something you believe I cant do.

Something I know you cant do.

(I just choose something more over friends, and for that Im sorry,

But I cant let go.)

I dont Hate you, such a strong word,

But I feel hate, something so very different.

I feel it but I know its not true,

Omg, there is just so much I want to say to you,

That I NEED to tell you,

Screams, Tears, URGH!

*Breathes*

But I know I cant, and probably never will...(because of you)

But you need to know, clearly, what your doing to me...

You single handidly ruined my life...Sad Part is I cant hate you for it...

Because I still love you so...

But I scoff, Spit on those words...

But it doesnt(/does) matter,

Because you'll, never get to know it anyways.

You have no time for others,

no time for me,

No time for me even as your "friend"...

Hope you see this all one day and realize what Im trying to say,

I pray that one day your open minded and understanding enough,

for this.

Peace Love Dats The End.

Opened Up

I know you care

I know you Dont.

.

.

.

You came into my life,

just like that, baby.

How can it be, that you just dont see,

Dont relize all that we could have,

should have been.

___ You were mine, I had you, I held you, baby...

you were mine...

And how it kills me to know...to see you, with her.

in her arms,

Knowing that the same lips that kissed me so sweetly now touch hers,

Sour thoughts.

Those wonderful, brave arms that held me so tightly...so warmly.

What do you see in her!?

Because I can be...three times more...

Baby...Please...Come back to me...

[Cant you see...How I yearn for yours-]

Lalala, this life I live

this lie.

(No.) Haha, how good I have it

because your blind.

Shh! Lol. Im fine. Hehe. Everythings great, Im so grateful.

Your trying to decive yourself.

No! My life is great! I have nothing to complain about!!

Quit lying to yourself.

I am not! ... Am I?

You are.

... *gasp*

Realization. *smirk*

I am.

*smile*

...I...I...

To Be Continued...

Your Going to Suffer...

Your Going to Suffer...

Suffer Gravely.

You cuss and mistrust me behind my back,

Laugh and insult me where I cant see, cant hear you.

Real Valiant.

But yet I KNOW all these things and yet I STILL try to save you,

Both.

Its a curse, and a gift I have,

to care and care too much.

I KNOW that both of you will suffer,

suffer so much.

You will want to commit suicide and the other will want to transfer schools.

Your both goin to be the death of each other.

Your going to cry, so much.

But both run their friends away and how Id love to be there when it happens,

to comfort and help them, both.

But Ive made a choice, No more them.

It will affect, I will pay for it, but its ok I put myself in front of the car as long as its helping/saving someone else.

You mock and hurt me And I STILL am determined to help you,

You going to Suffer.

Sooooo Much.

I don't want to see it happen,

I want to stop the crash before it occurs.

Hear me.

Damnit!

...

Suffer.

And when your on the floor crawling and no one will help you,

I will Still kneel beside you, pick you up,

dry your tears.

I who never judged you.

I who never abused your trust.

I, who when others would have judged you, only comforted your tears.

I who was always there for you no matter what.

I that you insult, and take for granted, would still pick your dying body up,

and heal you, never once rubbing it in your face that you messed up.

But its ok treat me as you wish, But know [and never forget] that I will always care

(and always have.)

So heed my words,

Please,

You Are going to Suffer...

More than you could ever imagine.

Fix it all?

If I just wave a wand and say POOF and make everything Perfect,

I would.

If I could just wish on a star and make everything Ive ever done wrong be gone,

[to wish all those I hurt, cured.

All those I made cry, spared.

All those I made angery, Happy.]

I would.

If I could just grab a wrench and tweak and fix all my imperfections,

TRUST ME

I would.

But I Can't.

Never say Never,

But I cant,

I really just cant...

God knows that with every day I feel the EXtreme guilt,

of what Ive done;

of all those Ive hurt.

I carry the pain,

of all those that have hurt me.

Everyday, I FEEL it,

Everyday, I HEAR the hate, like a broken record,

Everyday, I could [swear] I can TOUCH it, GRASP it;

The Horror, takes form, through me, In Me.

It moves, and runs,

Drives and swims,

Carrying Terror Throughtout every GoshDamn Vain and Essance of my body,

Dropping little Demons that Crawl throught my brain,

That leave little reels of tape behind,

So I can watch and relive the Horrid Terror again,

and again and again and again

and again and again

and...AGAIN!!!

....

But I make mistakes,

but the thing that seperates me from most others,

is that I Learn,

Yes, the hard way, Always the Hard Way.

But I learn,

and I Grow...

Sometimes, in the wrong direction...

But somehow...I Always make it to the light...

And I KNOW lifes Just begun..

And it Terrifies me, but...

I Am Brave,and I WILL Fight,

And Ill go through livin life best I can,

Stupid as I am.

So No,

I Cant Fix it all,

But I WILL try.

Just keep that smile on for me, with ur heart in full shine on it,

and Ill come around, and realize by someway how Effin Dumb I am, and how I cant quiet get the rights words out straight, right when its most important.

And somehow...Ill say the right things,

And Sometimes...Just Sometimes...

We Can Fix It All.

(And if not...Make Sure, you can say, You Tried.)

Well im glad Ive got someone for Valentines...
Just wish I actually liked/loved them...
But its all fake, he doesnt like me...right?
Well its only for a day....so it doesnt matter right???

well

Happy

Valentines...

anyways

Me.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simpleplan/untitled.html

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/evanescence/lithium.html

Heres A truth...

Im way too tired

to pretending...

I just can no longer

lie...

to satisfy your needs...

Here you go, I "OPENED UP"

Hopeless,

Meaningless,

Forgotten,

I just wanted to make you proud.

"Im sorry I cant be perfect."

Sorry that Im...Nothing.

Blow me away,

Wash me down...

Would that be better?

Better than seeing me,

hating me, from a distance,

and pretnding, acting when Im near...

just so you can smile.

Who said I didnt care...Why do you think I "act" that way?

How do people treat me?!

...

Lifes much easier if you...pretend your hollow,

things go right through...

But when my gaurd is down and reality hits me,

and I must realize that Im not hollow...

And that every word whispered,

yes, I heard it.

And every look,

yes, I saw them.

And every thought unmurmered,

yes,...I felt them.

And yes,...It Hurts...

Very much...

Tell the world,

The eccentric fake smiled girl,

Who Doesnt Care..

Has a Gosh Damn Heart!

And tell them-

She feels every sting you throw,

every "joke" you laugh,

and every behind-the-back-she'll-never-know word you say.

Tell the world-

That because of THEM...

I cry...

.

Dont keep me around,

if this is what your going to do to me...

I suffer deeply on the inside,

and guess which lovely soul is to blame...

I am too kind to hate,

but yes I shall frown,

DO I AT LEAST HAVE THAT RIGHT!?

...

Do I?

I hurt so bad,

so desperate for guidence,

Lord if there was a God...

Please, I am on my knees,

I BEG YOU...

Fix it...

Please...

Cure me...

At least help... them.

...Please, I cry more now than ever before.

The tears no longer crystalized,

but tainted red with such pain and resentment I feel.

So desperate am I, that I am settling for

Abusive Love,

But its love right?

Its something...

Beggers cants be choosers...

And a begger I am...

...

Why would God help trash,

much less look at it...

Im thrown,

in the trash,

into waste.

...

Gone,-

I wish...

AGH!!!!!!
WHAT TO DO!!!!?
I AM INSANE!
Away from going,

Im Gone!-

.

I AM-

LOST

mind incomplete,

in too deep,

never sober,

drunk with pain, sorrows, depression

from deep impressions

-

(Complain that I lie, change and make up stories,

and that I never "open up".

Well is this what you wanted to hear?

This is what I have to tell-

Now you wish you hadnt asked...)

Too Damn Late! YOU got me started...Now

I Must-

finish.

-

Suicide-

Do you see that stupid little mark on my arm?

Its a reminder of how much more stupider I am,

a permenant constant reminder of just how SCREWED UP

I am...

Are you Happy World-?

You know now...

The story of a lost and deadly soul-

The Story of a Fucked Up Girl...

(To Be Continued...)

((Because life has only started and my sufferings have only JUST begun-))

(((I havnt tried hanging, or a gun it may just [most likely will] be less painful...)))

((((I think it is...hmm...))))

*Dont look*

*Monster in the Making*

*Dont help*

*Soul that is Gone*

...hopeless...