The Story Behind The Monster...

Can never tell...
Always hide...
Call to it...
tell em to come out...
Always in shadows....
Hiding, whats true, to keep the better side of reality there longer....
Don't go, always there....
Hiding....
Much untold....
Much to tell.....
But lips sealed....
words don't escape...
Tears hidden....
Run away when they try to talk....
Cant handle it, don't know how....
run and hide....all to cry alone, and walk back in with a smile on the face....
Deceiving...no just scared.
Love never given, cant be received.
So when its handed you don't know how to dish it back out.

"Amanezco y me acuesto contigo

En mis sueos simpre ests tu conmigo

No hay momento en que me estoy pensando

Que por fin, tu me sigues amando

Las estrellas estan en tus ojos

Aun te digan que estan en el cielo

Yo no se, de tristeza su en ojos

Con tu amor

Corazon me consuelo..."

~Selena's, Aunque No Salga El Sol

or

"Late at night when all the world is sleeping

I'd stay up and think of you

And I'd wish on a star

That somewhere you are thinking of me too..."

~Selena's, Dreaming of You

.

Perfect Example for (some) of what I feel

New Thoughts---

Okay so I lied-
I hid the crap that my heart didn't understand but fully felt...
I hid it because I knew you'd take it the way you did, and that hurt me,
but it's ok...I don't care anymore...because that's the past and as for the present...
The feelings....(and poems) are much different....

They're....real.

Tengo Meido...

I'm afraid that with every passing day....

I like you more and more...

Is that a bad thing?

I like it....you....

but...is it bad that the liking of you grows?

I tried to stop it..(once)..but it didn't work out to well...

I guess...I'm scared?

But...I don't care...

I want to be with you...and that's the scary part...

But... I leave it to you.

You tell me-

Is it bad that my liking is growing?

Should it only be at a neutral liking?

Violation,
story of a nation.
Hey Mr.President why dont ya try a little harder,
to help your people, protect US ur ass's not ganna get bombed.
Be the father of our country, not the asswhipe that u are now.
But hey too young to vote, my word doesnt count.
Hysteria,
all you cause, poor Iraq-
WHATD THEY DO TO YOU!
Hey, Mr. P.,
Go take a ride a ride in our bus, a tour to our town you wanna see how we cant pay our bills because of taxes, you wanna see how we gatta walk because you take our school funds?
You wanna see how we live on streets with no food or shelter?! HU?! DO YOU!?!?
Didnt think so,
Mr.P. GET OFF STAGE! UR LIGHTS HAVE JUST BEEN SHATTERED!!!!
(Cuz I threw my shoe at them)

Confused, oh so confused...

I don't know whether or not I should

fall, for you...

.

So confused...

It hurts, it truly does...

I want to believe u care but...

.

Then I see ___

And I know your hearts split,

but my question is...

Who has more [of your heart]?

Me or ___?

.

I wont say I love you...

But I cant lie, I care...

I truly, truly care...

...Too much maybe...

Please Forgive Me

Im sorry,

I never meant to drag you into this...

It was the last thing that I wanted...

...Im sorry....

So sorry...

My dear, My freind

Mi amiga, this is NOT what I wanted.

NOT what I planned.

Please know this...from the bottom of my heart.

I care, too much to want ANY of this for you.

So Id rather...(as much as it pains me,...as much as KILLS me) break it off with you completly...

But it's too late...then...

Ill stop it before it gets any worse....Im sorry....so so....

Sorry.

Untrusted

Untrusted,
unloved.
...
Broken...tears stream...
What else can I do when Im trapped in such a prison...
UNFAIRNESS!!!
...
I dont want this...please...
Dont make me say it....I dont want her to know....I wished to wait forever without telling her...
But...I must...I....Cant...
I JUST CANT!!!!
NO!
...
Yes.?
yes....my tears they suffocate, flood me.
I dont want to do this to her, to me.
ITS NOT FAIR!!!!
"Life's not fair."
Dont say that!!!! Dont tell me!!!!
Please make this easy...I dont want to cry I tried to hold my head up high....but....how high must I hold it before all this goes away? Not high enough, because its still here...I Still have to do it...and I STILL dont want to...
I JUST DONT DAMNIT !!!
I DONT....just dont....
I cant be this strong.,..no one is....I cant hold it in any longer I cant....
But I must for my own sanity?
What sanity, My sanitys long gone....
Lord please help me...
I dont want to cry, I dont want that to end....
I want....
But I cant....
I will go...to break heart now.
Ima go do it now.....ARE U HAPPY MOM!!!?
HU?!
ARE YOU!?!?
CUZ IM NOT!!!!
....Im not....

Dont cry any longer...

Those tears that ran,

that froze my heart.

The sight of such warm tears,

I didn't want to see,

Because they came from such cold thoughts.

It scarred me to see them,

pained me to wipe them,

but joyed me to see that the little things I did,

made all the difference for you.

I love you...My friend

And I'll Always be there...

to warm those cold tears and

comfort your disturbed heart.

Come to me...Because I'll be there...

~Always~

~To Someone Dear...an old friend...

The Game of Life... (Exerts From other poems)

You deal your cards...read them out
your game of poker
never won
roll your dice and see your fate
oh how your heart can be misplaced
Your life, you gamble
All away

BY: ME

..

Like a deck of cards,

my fate is dealt.

I held the dagger to my hearts, but my jacks said otherwise

with one more roll left to go

I found a soul no one would know.

My royal court adjourned

I barely passed by a thread, but

From broken hearts to broken mirrors,

I live on...

BY: ME

12/3/07

Well as Christmas Spirit takes over more people i happily join in everything christmas I LOOOOOOOOOVE CHRISTMAS!!!! :D :D :D :D =D :D :D :D :D :D


And well ive been helping ppl (well just one person) with their blog. they pick a poem of mine they like and post it. its meaningful i guess cuz they like it. guess it means something to them. i just write em.


Well at the moment im watching a christmas movie. so i think im done.

the ME!...that Dares...

Reaching out,

touching air,

grasping...atmosphere.

.

Touch whats not there,

Feel what you "belive" is there,

grasp what others 'think' is there...

This is how it works,

always,

tradition,

belifs,

trends...

.

And why cant I fight it?

Why cant I question, it?!

Anythig out of the "norm." Scares you, people.!

Well...I DARE TO DIFFER!
DARE TO BE DIFFRENT...

I DARE, TO BE...

ME!!!

CHRISTMAS!!!!

Well because of the Macys Perade on TV on thanksgiving, you know at the end they have Santa come out well that to me said CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!!!!!
And in case u didnt know I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! =D =D =D I love the lights, the music, the happiness and cherriness in everyone, I love the food...just the overall atmosphere. But last but not least the preasents :D lol. But i just LOoooooooVE IT!

and it actually took me out of that horrible place I was in and brought me back to human earth, but its temporary but untill then, the time when I gatta go back... Im Happy! :D

The Way to Make it Through Life.

Inspiration found in the strangest of places.

.

~like from a movie about things you want but cant have because they're too perfect, but you still dream of.

~

Hope shone from where there was no light.

.

~like from the thought of a newly made friend, when you've had ancient friends who've tried to help you all along but somehow this one makes all the difference.

~

Reminiscing is danger to the heart and soul, but bliss for the mind.

.

~but when i think back to all that has happened to me in my life, all the inspiration and good thoughts disappear leaving only scorn and pain.

~

Inspirational speeches bring hope.

.

~But then after having an inspirational talk with someone who's going through a little of what you went through and you give them confidence and inspiration. You regain your strength back too as well.

~

Pain and suffering of the past and the hope and good times of the present mix in a tidal wave that presents itself in a repetitive tidal wave.

.

~but of course it never ends, and it'll start all over again, so all you can do is prepare yourself for the next wave and not hope but know your going to make it out alive.

~

One day you'll make it to shore.

How Can I Cope?

How can i Cope,

when such sorrows gnawing at my feet,

tearing their way to my heart,

ripping through my skin,

destroying my soul.

.

How can I cope,

when your not around to help me?

Not around to see,

Not around to bleed.

Maybe its better,

You shouldnt suffer...

But Why do I have to do this alone??

.

How Can I Cope?

Fighting alone once more.

But last time...I feel like you were there,

spirtually, emotionaly

holding my hand

guiding my body.

Lifting my soul from the depths so near destruction.,

...So near...Hell...

So close...

.

How Can I Cope?

When, yet, here I am...

Sitting here,

pouring myself to who?!

To whom,

Who listens?

I go through it again my ____,

and your not around...

I spin looking for you...

but your no where near,

nowhere within miles,

Nowhere within years...

.

How Can I Cope?

How Can I Cope?

How Can I....

Live?

.

How Can I ?

I Cant...change it...

I feel an emptyness,

yes thats it, an emptyness.

That eats me,

Eats me up on the inside.

Bleeding in,

Quiet out.

My hand outstreached,

but invisible.

None see it,

is that my fault?

Am I too dramtic??

How am I,

When its how I feel,

What I truly deeply feel,

and sadly...I cant change that.

Renewing, Renewed

Renewed,

Redoing, mistakes of my past.

Revoking, Prevoking,

that thing that scarred me so deeply last time.

Reborn,

Rebirth,

of what I ran and hid from so much it deeply wounded/hurt me.

Replaying,

those awful memories and nightmares.

Re-killing, what

I fought so D@#! hard to destroy.

Recking the heart that I had just re-stiched...

Re-falling,

Re-drowning,

Re-collapsing,

Re-dying...

Renewing.

Not Yet...

"Little girl take my hand ill guide you,

across this crowded street...

Ill hold your hand, Ill guide you and protect you..."

Wonderful lady,

Ill take your hand, Ill let you guide me, because I was blind,

But now,

I see.

I dont need you...

...

Shes what?

WHAT?!

No...No!

No...

Its impposible,

that cant be, my rock cant be gone,

my cane....my guide....CANT, just

cant.

How can I live, without....you???

How?

I still had so much to ask, so much to tell, so much i wished, hoped to share with you...

But now...

No!

now...

I cant...

Im sorry..

Im sorry... I lied!

I did,

I Do need you!

Dont leave me!!!

....

Im not that grown, I "still" need You.
You and only You.
Now and forever, so please dont leave me... not yet...
(dont take that bright smile of yours with you,

and leave me with nothing...)

not yet...

dont leave me...mamy...not yet...

im not ready,

not yet...

_____ (You)

If I told You my choice,

how would you feel?

About something so contriverstial....

would you exile me?

(How could you..Im part of Your heart)

But would you be dissapointed...?

(I dont think i could handle MORE dissapointment....)

Then what....do I tell you, will it pass, should i wait ???

So many questions cloud my head, but no answers arrive through the thinkness of my drowning tears....

Cant You just tell me what to do....?

Please, help me once more, heal me ___,

Im not that grown, I "still" need You.

You and only You.

Now and forever, so plese dont leave me... not yet...

not yet...

Icons.

More (great) Icons.

Icons.

Good Icons.

Because are pretty much all the ones I have that are nice enough to post.

I Pray?

Kneels Down,

looks up to the heavens,

bows head,

closes her eyes and preys.

For what?

As a single, lone tear rolls down her still cheek,

eyes shut.

She prays harder...

Looks up, open eyes,

Streaming tears...

Why has God Let her down....

Or maybe...

I let "him" down.

Bella Traicion~~(Beautiful Deception)

Your nothing but a Beautiful Deception,
here to break my heart.
Selfish,
and unknowingly,
I don't hate you...
nor her....
I just wish...
That it wasn't me-
The Deceived
Your Just a
Beautiful Deception...

Remember when you cried?
I held you.
Remember when you fell?
I carried you.
Remember when you felt defeated?
I brought you back up.
Remember when you needed someone,
and no one was there for you?
I, judge free, and help-full, was there for you.
Always…
Remember that girl…that was always by your side, and when she needed you most...you weren’t there?
No? You don’t remember?
I do…and so does she.

Changes...

Something that I like to change....hmm....
I dont know. There are to many things in this world that could be changed and that Id like to change. Knowing that I cant do it all. I guess Id have to start with my personal life. Meaning my family. Id want to make things better for us and easier. I feel a little bit selfish picking me as first, but i do so because i feel that you cant change anything else and expect it to come out right until your happy with who you are and where your life stands right now. So in helping my family get better id be making many people dear to me happy. Therefor Id then be able to help those around me and then start making major differences in the world as well and if possible. But in specific Im not sure if there would be anything that i could or would or even want to change specificly. I guess i must be happy with where my life stands right now.

9/11

So impactful. On my soul.