Right Now...

"I Wanna Make Up Right Now...
Wish We Never Broke Up Right Now now....
We Need to Make Up Right Now now now....
I miss you much, I cant lie.
Till I get you back , Im ganna Cry.
You were the Apple of my eye."
{Fiji Apple lol.}
"I want you to fly with me...
Miss how you lie with me...
I Wanna Make Love Right Now now now...."

I Try So Hard.

Im Trying.

The Lord knows im trying.

To be good, and do the best I can-

Not to break the Rules.

Or our rules.

On my knees,

Im trying.

But like yesterday,

I was running away from the place I call home.

Fighting, screaming, and crying,

is what I seem to know nowadays.

My smiles and laughs; never seem to last.

They fade away.

My dreams, have pieces of heaven in them.

But never fail-to show me what Ive lost/

The promises that have been broken;

When I wake Up.

I am Trying so hard.

Not to call them,

not to talk to them.

But Lord knows How Hard it is.

Im Strong-

But whos THIS strong?!?

Im Trying...

But I dont want to Keep working so hard to smile.

Work to be happy.

What makes me happy always leaves.

Never lasts.

Home is Broken to my vision-

or is my lens cracked?

Crack?

Even drugs is startin to sound nice to my bleeding ears.

Bleed?

No. No more cuttin.

My scars remind me.

Im strong.

Im on my knees-

But drugs Ive never touched

&Scars I will not restart.

I Try So Hard-

But I Want Them Right Now....

Soo Bad....

Come Back to me....

Please.

And Save me.

Moving On...

Trying to move on from them is like depression.
So many ups and downs-its actualy worse than the actual relationship.
When your in the euphoric stage its like a blinded fake bliss-Your happy smiling and laughing.
But you know its temporary.
And then you go back down,mostly when your alone-its like jumping off of something that made you happy and plunging heart first into an ice cold river,that just carries you through all the memories that make you miss and want but cant have.Through everything that you loved and is gone.
Its horrible to have Love and Lost.....
But it is true, I would much rather have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.
My hearts big, I have much care to give.
And I have no doubt that I have the ability to make the one I love happy.
Because I had made her laugh-I made her happy.
And she knew that...She didnt want to stay for the best-
Had she said those words-Had she made me truly hers-
She would have had THE BEST. And I would have made her so happy...
But I can't live in the past........
No matter how much a day I die without her--
I Must move on.....but "where do I go?"
(Id Much Rather Not Have to Move On..)

lluvia

If its Rainin,

Im thinkin of you.

Those time we talked and heard the rain together.

One of the last great times we had together

was on that day, before I left,

when we layed there and looked into each others eyes,

and you didnt want me to leave,

So Sweet.

That day, when you made it so hard for me to leave.

It Rained.

As I ran outside,

to get my ride,

and hada hide.

*laughs softly*

Babe, mi only amor,

how I miss you,

especially when im layin there at night,

closin my eyes,

I can feel you again;

Baby, as if you were there.

And its hurt,

cause when I open my eyes,

your not.

And I hear that rain, and cryin,inside;

thinkin if your hearin it too, and thinkin of me,

as I am of you.

The Dark is hard,without you by my side.

No more calls;

I took comfort in knowing that at night when Im missing you,

that you might call, make me smile, and help me sleep soundly.

In my dreams, were together, Happily;

Sleeping's a Blessing, when your there-

Cept when I wake up, and its a Nightmare.

Baby, I didnt think it would feel like this.

How I miss you.

I wanna be YOUR Babygurl,

and no one else's.

Te Quiero.

You were almost my all.

I wanna hear your voice,one way or another.

Idc, I just need you here;in my life.

Friend or foe. You gatta be here.

But Im bein forced to see you from afar.

Sometimes you dont even know im there,

but I see you,sadly,and cry inside,

cause your walking the wrong way,

your walking further,

your walking away.

So I just gatta shut my eyes,

turn around, and slowly walk away.

When I sing my songs,

it's you in my mind, your smiling face;

wit your cute dimples.

So many things we shared, can't believe theyre gone.

Like da rain, you want them washed away.

There they go, runnin, Im doin this for you,

and my future self.

But Baby, it hurts, so damn much.

(Too Damn Much..)

I want you.

Why you gatta cut it all;

I know one day, I can see you as just a friend,

but you neglect that too.

And it's hard for me to face.

Cause I never counted that you would want me,

completely out.

I had taken some comfort in thinking that

at least someday, we'd be talkin again.

But now I count on nothing.

But the cold.

Its getting old,

being sad.

But this feelings kinda hard to ignore.

But hey, this isnt a plead.

Its just my statement.

Letting myself know.

And just letting it show,

Your Supergurl's weakness

is Having Her Heart Broken.

But Im not mad, Im actualy past that.

I write this now, with no anger and minimum sadness.

Reminiscing is just da only way I can have you again,

here in my mind,

we stay.

But it's ok-If it makes you happy love.

*laughs to self* I miss your lil barks.

Im doin em now *smiles* as an ode to you,

I bark and whine now,*laughs* (dat sounds weird)

like you wanted me to but i never would,

and now, I always do it,wit friends and stuff (but only a lil,) wit you in my mind.

I wish you were still wit me,

wen Im dancin, I think of you,

I can do it now-Dance wit you;I culd do it now.

*smiles*

And things you showed me I never forgot.

*holds finger out*

Now I just need your finger to finish it. *laughs softly*

Just so many lil things I wish I wulda done for you.*barks softly,laughs*

But hey, If you ever get this,

you'll know. lol.

All the promises made;

I never forgot about the Cabin.*smiles*

And you would have loved New Zeland,

it's beautiful, like you.

(You should look it up one day.)

And the things I showed you;

did for you:sang to you,wrote for you,cried to you

(never forgot that day I held your pretty crying face)

just all those lil things; DONT FORGET EM.

Cuz theyre the special things youll cherish in da future;

so you'll never forget that theres Always someone out there who loves you.

So when it rains;

when Im lookin at da moon;

at da stars.

When Im cold;

when Im alone;

when Im hurtin;

when Im thinkin-

Its all You.

And I don't mind it-It's things we shared.

Things we had and we'll always have.

Things I dont wanna forget.

*smiles*

Ima keep em safe-Here *pats heart*

right next to the perfect memory of you.

When it's rainin,

from the stars,

I'll look into that moon-

And see it all~Forever.

*smiling*

(Remember that smiling face, with big eyes of love&care.Cuz shes the one thats got your back no matter what.

No matter when.)
"promise i'll be there everyday,Just close your eyes lets start to fly,I'm gonna love you until i die,

Until the day of my death till my very last breath i'm gonna love you,When no ones left."-Supergurl

Mwa!~ ^_^

~Ode to the first love of my life.

(dont get cocky bout the first.lol.k.)

So dis isn't bye from me,

just a "till we talk again" kinda thing.

So till then, Be Good. Dont do nothing Jesus wouldnt do.lol.

~Ciao~Wit much luv

:Sum1s Babygurl

(dat sum1 will always be you tho)

Understanding-?

Understanding as I may.
I cant help but not quiet grasp
the concept you so eagerly wish me to understand.
I can not quiet understand why?
Or How? You can stand what you are doing??
I dont get it!
But i do.
I understand your reasoning,
your reasons as to Why you had to.
But just,
Not your reason as to
How you could.
So Understanding as I may be-
I will always love you, but I will forget you??
Dats not me? Its you??
So as Understanding as I may be-
I understand-But I dont quiet get it.

There are no real words that I could write that could express in one set of writting,
how I feel.
So im stuck, writting forever.

"Gives You Hell"-NOT

If i were a bad person.
Who had no heart.
I would be GIVING YOU HELL!
Making you pay, for everything.
And Laughing my ass off with joy as I watch you squirm.
But IM NOT.
and you should be thanking God, that I pary for your Happines, and Always wish you the Best.
Cause Im just that Kinda gurl. Da one whos nice enough to tell the bully "im sowy your so bad. But one day you'll realize how much of an ass you are and it'll hurt. Bad. I just hope you learn da right and least painful way." Or sumthing like dat....lol.
So as much as Id LOOOOOOOOOOVE to Torture you.
I wont.
At least not conciously I wont.
^_^
Pray you learn- and learn it GOOD!
But make it out well in then end.
I Love You! (You know wat I mean)

The FURY-thats not me.

The Furry that I feel.
As my blood begins to boil and bubble.
I can feel it, running through hot; searing hot.
Anger like no other-This is the anger that kills.
And at the site of you, this anger got Worse!
Had I not been so eager to leave-I swear I would have walked right up to you grabbed you by the neck pin you to wall and-hurt till you bled...
And thats not me!
See what you done to me! By leaving me!
I HATE TO YOU SEE YOU HAPPY WHILE I SUFFER!
It's YOUR CHOICE WHY I DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!?
ITS NOT FAIR!
i dont want to cry...im tired of crying...i havent stopped in weeks.....
AND YOU THINK THIS IS BETTER!!!!
URGH!
I WANT THE WORLD TO BURN!!!
BURN AS I BURN!
FEEL MY PAIN and SEE why I cant smile ANYMORE!!!!!!
FEEL WHAT I FEEL!
SUFFER!!!!
......
but that's not me...im not like that.
Fury tears me apart. Voicing things I wouldnt truly want.
I fear myself for what I may do, in blast of that burning fury.
Its not me, but it quickly consumes me, and slowly becomes a part of me.
Im not Red im more pink this new color doesnt suit me.
But see what you've done- you couldnt decide to "turn a new leaf" AFTER
youve made someone happy...No. It had to be now, NOW! When im losing everything....
*sigh*
Well this is what is happening I dont know what will happen next....I just hope- I dont slip up under tension and stress and do something stupid....*RIP*....
all [this] because of you.....*crys*
(DIS IS WHY I NEED CLOSURE)

Let me Cry-

In Quiet Dismay-

.

So that I may Never,-

.

see the Light of Day...

You see the:
Girl struggling to keep trying?
Girl who smiled and gave all her attention to the things/thing she thought was best in her life-And ended up falling and being let down as always?
Girl who is growing tired, of constantly being strong and having to be brave enough to go on?
Girl who can never please people enough so that someone will be truly proud of her?
Girl who feels so hurt she can barely hold her tears now in public?
Girl who got lost somewhere along the line of being the best she could be?
Girl who is getting too extremely close to quiting?
That Girl who is now almost to the brink of exhaustion-And is dragging herself on her knees to try and get to the light although her tears blur her vision and her pain shows only darkness she continues to crawl on in desperate hope that one day,she'll make it or she'll be saved.
Have you seen the Girl?
No? Yes you have, You do now.
That Girl's Me.

I Need this-Happy? Ending

So this is where it comes to?
A few sad words and a thousand angry phrases?
All the shouting and no sincere goodbyes or I'll miss yous?
Just a ton of cover ups,the hate,anger,sadness,excuses-to Cover Up how we really feel.
No not me, you.
(the world will not come tumbling down if you look pass the fear and anger and express what you really will feel, I promise. Dont be stubborn. Dont be stupid.)
I am telling you, I want goodbye with a hug and a smile.
That'll let me know you'll be okay.
I want to know that I didn't waste my time, that you did love me.
I want to hear it one last time.
I wont ask for one last kiss...that's too much.
I know you can't handle it all.
But I Can.
And I won't let you fall.
So give me the chance, I wont let you make the same mistake, I will put restraint on both of us.
I just Love You, and don't want to leave this....Knowing I never got to tell you how much I care one last time, or see you smile with those funny dimples;so cute or smell that intoxicatingly heavenly smell you carry that drives me wild, or just hear that voice that makes me feel so at home (with you),all these things-One Last Time. It Kills Me.
I NEED One Last Good Memory. So that for future reference I can think back, and Smile
rather than frown, at the Last Time...
I Need this more than you know- And I want you to do the same.
Tell me everything-as if I were leaving to heaven and never coming back.
Tell Me.
And I'll Tell You.
We Need to-say our happy endings.
For Closure.
Don't Let it End like this...Please....I Beg You-Because It'll Kill Me.
(you're not cold hearted your my sweethearted yvonne I know you-
you could do this for me. just this once and say goodbye as you know I want to hear it. And I'll never turn back again-
As I Know You Want It to Be.. )