Well...Update!

So lets see up to now. Me and my so called ex.
Fought, cried, yelled, loved, and hurt.
Like no bodys said bye more than we have lol.
But we just had break up sex. Dat was nice.
And ive been giving myself a casanova rating.
lets just say it went up to 56% after las fri. Hehe ^_^
Sorry gatta boast she was a hard gurl to please.
But now im der first! lol.
But yea der my first too.
But like idk, i guess after dat im good u kno.
Jus kinda here.
Doin my field hockey practice, 3rd week.
And ITS HELLA HOT!!!!!!!!!
waiting for it to die down.
Start skool next tuesday, UGH!!!!
and doing link crew today, tomorrow, and wed.
its where the older classmen help the incoming freshmen we make them more comftorable and show them around and stuff.
Its cool. =)
But der hard to manage. Freshmen *rolls eyes*
Ima senior now btw.
Yup yup.
Soooooo ready to graduate but very scared.!!!!!!
*scared puppy whimper face*
lol. but yea. dont know what else to say.
Oh oh!!! bout da Justin situation, well i finally talked to him and told him i couldnt date him.
That im not ready to date anyone.
And i love him as afriedn ALMOST a brother...but not really. lol.
Were just so tight, and idk.
But things have been A LOT better between us we still hang out not as much but still enough and talk aaaaall da time lol.
But were just friends.
But who knows what the future brings you kno.
But for the time being im content not trying to figure it out.
I kno for one once im not ganna try.
I got enough personal/spiritual/mental and even phisical things to take care of now.
So untill da next time. Ta Ta ^_^
oh i mean CIAO!

Checkin Up..

Well as of now. I told Justin that (yea i kno no intro this time im jus ganna go straight into it.) we need to not hang out as much, cuz we really are litteraly always together. And well wen u just went through the worst break up of your life thus far and hangging out with one of your closest friends who also happens to like you really doesnt help anything. I just needed space from him cuz im jus getting to the point where he was getting on my nerves BUT HE IS A GREAT GUY dont get me wrong. But im having a mental mulfunction. I dont know what I want or Need in my life.
Im bored with my life so i want fun.
But my un just broke up with me.
So now i miss them.
But i know that its hopeless and they dont love me.
So im back at trying to make new friends.
But....well school hasnt started yet so that is very hard.
So im stuck ina rut.
And its starting to depress me. And i said i would cut again, so thats out.
I cant run away.
Got no one to hang with.
Soo i narrowed it down to one option which i think is really truly da next safest thing.
But im debating putting it up here cuz idk who'll read dis.
But bottom line is now its just a question of how do i get dis.
AND NO ITS NOT DRUGS!
Jeez.
lol...
But yea.....Im Lost and confused.
But still living.
Till next time.....Ciao....

Well Helloooooo...

Well Hellooooo, so like im still trying this "tell the whole world wats up" thing.
But im not thaaaat bad right?
so like last we heard i wasnt on da best of terms with my ex. we got in fight earlier this week, and 3 days later they call me.
But during those 3 days i was plotting my revenge for how badly they treated me, but then they unexpectdly call me and apologized although i have yet to ever forgive them for most of the moajor horibble things they did, i politly acknowledged the fact that they said sorry.
So we talked and i guess were just friends or sumthing like that.
lol, and then they called me and woke me up this morning! it was 10...but still!! lol.
It was cool they called me to tell i was mean for calling them fake on that annonymous truth box things on myspace. but u kno it was all good we just talked like normal people. Shocker I know.
And yea. Ive got lots of stuff planned randomly throughout my last bit of summer.
Weird.
But i guess thats it for now. Ciao! ^_^

Keepin it Real-Im Actualy Talkin w/o Poems

So Ive decided to strat actualy blogging here.
u know writting real things rather than poems.
I'll leave those for my myspace one.
So let me clue you all in. I just broke up with my two year love, yes the one ive written so much of. Most of these 1000+ poems are of or for her. Yes her. I loved, love and always love them.
Well were not talking as of friday. Yes for once Im not Perssuing them, nope nope.
But i miss them, and love them.
But gatta go on without them...
My current dilema is this great guy in my life.
He truly is perfect.
I wont say his name. we'll just call him....Justin.
Yes Justin. we met in chemistry class and well i talked to him then forever later he texted me and we became super tight since. This started in january of this year.
7 months later, i had the crasiest summer so far, dun so many new things loved and last, and found my potential husband.
But im stuck because as great as he is I dont love him.
I love what he can offer me and i truly care about him... You see i feel that if I get with him thats it.
hed be the guy i marry and spend the rest of my life with happily and content.
But im the kinda girl who needs excitment i need sumthing going on.
So im afriad id be content but wanting more.
Or i could just keep serching to see if i can find love after love, find someone else i can love fully.
But my mom is afraid ill lose him, Justin, and what if i do. And never find the perfect guy and i end up alone.
So all in all i go with Justin and be content and play it safe.
Or I go da other way and take chances of getting heart broken and having to all the work of searching but with the chance that in the end I find the man that completes me.
What to do dear reader what to do- Any ideas??

When life seems so lost and dead.
Like theres nothing left.
Remeber the little things that last made you smile.
And if its from the very thing that now makes you cry,
then rember they once made you smile..
Its Not the End.
Its a New Beginning to Find that New Person who will make you soar high
and make you smile and laugh.
You cant change the past-
So lets make the best of the Future! ^_^