Toy Soldier with a Glass Heart

"Im suppose to be the soldier, who never blows his composer

Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders

I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it

Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter

I'd never drag them in battles that I can't handle unless I absolutely have to

I'm supposed to set an example

I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em

If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em..."

So what do you do when you find that all the hope that was being fed to you was all a lie, and was only to make you happy? What do you do when all that you were fighting for is taken away from you...Before you were even given a chance??
What do you do when life isn't fair???
What?!?!
....
What do you do, when your put on the stand and convicted, without a real chance to plead your case, and if you plead, you know that they're not listening...?
IT'S UNFAIR!!!
I Fought! So Damn Hard!! I should get a chance!!!
.....I should be allowed a chance.....a real chance....to make you happy
It's just not fair....why? Why am I not granted a chance??
What did I do to push you away so, to make you want to leave so...What??
I will now spend the rest of my life in Shackles, wondering What if- I had been given a chance. Just One...
Forever I will wonder, because I never got the chance to know.
And I worked so hard for that chance, that you just wouldn't give me!!
What do you do now hm? Lying in the cell of your mind, with your heart in shackles, wondering...forevermore What If-

Grrr!!

Rrrr....RRRR....rrrr...
I hate missing you, hate that things are different, hate that things aren't the same between us.
I miss the way we were, miss the hope so strong you gave me and I had, and I hate the new fear that I have...(that has replaced the hope)
I Miss the summer, when you wanted me with you, when you used to ask me to hang out with you, and I wasn't the one always asking. When things were so...good. When you would take time for me, when we had those talks-Do you remember? Late at the night...Oh the beautiful talks we've had...
When...things were so different and we weren't afriad to show and tell each other how we truly felt, when there was nothing but communication between us. And so much care, you were so sweet....
Now you hide it all...I don't feel any of it...I miss it all....I Miss You.
I Miss what we had and you gave me. And Hate that...you gave me hope, at least you lied to me to make me happy....at least....but not I know the truth and know there is no hope[,and I hate it...]
Then what am I fighting for??
Urgh!
Rrrr...rrrr...rrRrrr.
*smiles to self quietly*

Thanx A Lot...

You never gave me a chance,
How could you turn down something before you even know what it's like..
But ok. I see, you no longer want me. You seem to be growing tired of me, you don't need me...
You want me stop liking you, you want me at a distance.
At least that what your saying to me.
When you don't talk to me, never come see me like before, and always choose others over me without even a goodbye...
You Don't Want Me.
But the thing that confirmed it the most, and really was a direct stab at the heart-
Was when just last night, you told me you didn't want Pablo...The way you said it, like he meant nothing to you.
You have thrown around your room like trash,that's probably when I should've taken him back, when you started to treat him like trash. Knowing how much he meant to me, and how much I wanted you to have him, you say what you said. I cried after that. And I realized, why did I give him to you, you've never given me a gift. Not Once. Never a Christmas gift, as I gave you, Not Even a Birthday gift! At least I gave you a card! You really have never once given me a single thing to remember you by...Yup I'm Special.
So Ok, I'll take Pablo back, but if he gets returned, I want it all back. My Munky, the CD I bought you, even the Charm Necklace-I'm Sure you won't miss any of it...I'm sure it all means nothing to you anyways...Well at least that's what you've shown me. They're probably all lying somewhere, you can't find them.
Oh but you can keep the card, I couldn't do anything with that anyways.
But that's how much it hurt me, just that sentence, was actually one of the most painful things you ever told me, and showed me how little I mean to you...
Saddens me tho, Because...Well, I guess I just want to hear that you want them, that they mean something to you, my little trinkets, because they all meant something to me. And even after you've stopped talking to me(which I hope doesn't happen,as I fear), you'll still treasure them...As I would have, if you ever bothered to give me something....

My Confession

I Love You, I Do. I truly truly do. Mi Amor.
Pero me duele. I can't be with you any longer.
I Can't: Kiss You, Hug You, Caress You, let you Hold Me.
I Can't: let there be Touching or hand holding; I can Barley talk or look at you. [Because all I'll want to do is to look at you with love, to talk to you with care, to hold and caress you with endearment, to kiss and touch you with passion- just to Show You Love.]
And I Can't, when your Not Mine. I can't do it any longer. And although, this may be the hardest thing of my life, I may just have to....let you go. You'll never be ready for me, So it seems. And I love you too much, to continue torturing myself. All I want is you, but you want it all. You won't be happy with just me, so it looks, and if I'M not good enough for you...then you shouldn't be worth my time...But...I Just Can't Help It...I Love You.
I Do!
I Cry for you, My Rose! ... I do...
Pero tu nunca me vas a quierer, como yo te quiero a ti.
So you see, if the road you choose is to never have me, and always keep running, then I must say....I Think I am Falling Out of this Game...
(how it pains me to even type those words, if I'm crying now, i don't know how i will say them to you...)
These words I type may not be exact, and no where near how I truly feel, but use your mind, to understand me, my dear, I've worked so hard...So Hard-Para ti!
Do you know what I am saying?
Do you understand?!?
This is hard, so very hard, and I Don't Know how you feel about me, I don't know what exact impact Ive had on you or your life....But my words still Stand.
I Love You....and if playing is what you choose to keep doing.....then.....break my own heart I must...
(You Don't Want Love,you don't know what love is, you want a fling, and you'll never be happy With just Love, you need to have the person not want you for it to be your kind of "Love".)

I Just Can't Help-Feelin'...

I'm Sorry to Mislead, Didn't mean to Confuse.
I Just Can't Help, but Feel How I Feel.
I know I make no sense, and I delay saying things.
And I also Know that I Don't say everything and I hide what I feel,
saying what wants to be heard.
And I'm sorry, but hey at least you can't complain, I Can Make you/them Happy.
But regardless, I know Ive been acting weird lately, and Im sorry.
It's just that the things I hear, I Don't know what to believe and all the things that are said got me So Confused. And..Urgh! It gets to me every now and then, just too much to think about.