Why does it hurt, why does my heart tear, at the thought, that your no longer there?

A poisoned love, thorn through my heart, my toxic rose, so harsh was your love.

Long for your look, long for your touch, isn't once enough?! it seems as though I long for you pain and suffering too.

No good were you, but yet here am, writing this little petty note.

I take a step out, but as soon as you advance into my life, I fall 3 steps back.

No more do I cry, at the missing sight of your eyes, but oh how my heart begs for your unwilling lullaby.

I don't know how, to rid of this pain; will you never think of me again?

My mind no longer yearns for your torture, at least to some point, I have mustered enough courage.

But deep inside, where secrets lie, I wish for you, even one last time...

And if I ever got that time, I debate between gauging your eyes out or kissing you as though you were mine.

But no more, will I think of this, at least for now...I am rid of you.

And when you return to haunt me once more, will you this time leave a note at my door;

telling me, why, you tortured me so...

Dont assume the worst, or bad will always come. Keep your expectations realistic, so disappointment doesnt hit you when it doesnt always turn out your way. Think a little less, and smile a lil more. Life's not as complicated as it seems, and when it is- Scream, yell, cry, but never give up. Then get back up, and you keep walkin. Cuz life goes on, and time truly does heal the wounds and gashes, and scars are part of life. Dont dwell on the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. But most of all, be grateful for it all, because what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. So much to enjoy in life, so why stand there thinkin about what went wrong? When there's so much right to be done. =)

Insperational Song

What drives you?

What drives a person to think that they don't deserve kindness or respect?
Abuse?? Hardship??
What drives a person to think they're so worthy of kindness and respect when they don't ever give a single ounce of it?
Guilt? Fear? Cowardliness??
The wicked hide behind false walls of strength, and the good are convinced they are worthless...
God is the only one who can judge us.
So let no one tell you your not worth it, and let the self righteous fall hard upon their own lies. We all go through the hard, to learn and cherish the right.
So be grateful, and don't forget that everything you have, will one day be gone,
and in the end.....
All that matters is what you've done, and said on this earth, cuz the rest, is temporary.

Never Forget You-Lena Katina

Coinscience; (Life Lesson)

Move aside, step outside.
Beside yourself.
Watch.
Look.
You see yourself?
Look as you make that choice, choose that thing.
Hear as you say those words, whisper those nothings.
Look into their eyes, hold onto their arm.
Kiss their lips, and taste their mouths.
Feel their breaths, feel their hands.
Your hearts racing, you feel that rush?
But watch it from the outside. You know as you see all that, there's more than meets the eye.
Your eyes glazed over, shut tight, refusing to look into the face of a stranger.
Grip their arm, keep yourself steady, as you release an unknown laugh for some question mark reason to some joke and phrases you cant remember.
Everything feels like it's moving, and your being dragged along.
Kissing them, no thoughts, all worries buried underneath slurred words and unknown moments.
The taste, bearable, and almost wanted.
Your body accepting, and slowly clinging to this unfamiliar shape next to you.
Feeling the vapor of your altercations across your mouth, across your skin.
Their hands a teasing persistent menace to your morals; as they pull and tug at you.
Groggily refuse, and then once again taken over, under a spell you no longer can control.
Almost in too deep, almost don't care.
But Wait!
Watch as you stop it, and all reality rushes back, for a few seconds you remember, a few minutes you regret it, for a few moments you wanna pull away.
But there you go, diving back in, with a person committing the same acts as you.
Now walk away, head held down, cause you just got to watch one of your moments of shame, from the outside.
And at times, that's all you do; sit there and imagine your life, watch it reel before you as you stand beside yourself.
But which shoulder will your hand land on?
Will you be the angel or the devil to the person you stand beside?

Moving So Fast; (Slow Down)

It's not my intent, to rush, to fly through the parts of life that should be slowed and paused for forever.
To regret, forget the things that made you who you are today.
To relinquish power to those who are no good for you.
To lay reliving, rethinking of the pain from yesterday.
Dreaming, blowing wishes to the wind.
Hopin someday those little whispers will become a reality.
But there they go, riding the breezes of tomorrow, watch them fade into the debris of yesterday.
It's no coincidence, you came into my life. You sweet pretty little thing.
A heart of gold, lips so soft and smooth, a mind so sweet, make me melt caught in those pretty brown eyes.
But stuck, in liquid love, molten honey. Burning into me, right through me.
Searing pain, breaks me in two at times.
What do I do?
Can't choose between the two- God and you.
Shoulda stayed alone, shoulda never spoken, opened my mouth to spill these ridiculous tears.
Now Im riding my own mess. Intoxicated in this bliss.
Downright split in two.
But what's the rush, no need to speed.
After-all, I'm paying for my own deeds..

How do I say it?!??

What to do, what to do-
When the heart is split in two.
She says, "Gaby I love you."
And I always say, "Baby I love you too."
But how do I let you know that my hearts else where, hiding deep inside me.
I dont wanna give it away, I wanna live.
Before I give away this key.
But dont misunderstand, the thought of never hearing your voice again is something I cant stand.
The vision of the tears, you once let me hear, breaks me down.
I wanna do good by you, but trust me when I say, you really dont understand.
You dont know how I die inside, when I cant hold you at night.
I just cant lie to you, or me.
And this does have somethin to do with her, but its mainly bout me.
Your the sweetest, kindest, greatest person to ever love me.
And oh how I wish we could be!
But right now, we cant, and I hope one day we maybe could?
You might hate me after I say this, but trust me....your better off without me.
You deserve the best, and even though you say it's me.
Im telling you, it's not.
So baby please be strong, hate me if it helps you, but try and see.
I love you....
Now if only I could tell her this.....

You remind me, of me. So blind fighting for a love, that can not be. My crazy little honey bee.You have no clue how much you mean to me.I think, I could really love thee