What is this i feel?
Is this right?
I am losing all the need i had to leave you.
But yet, i still have want, i still have drive..
But....i love you....
And so much says "stay." When every logical thing says go. What to do?....what do i do??.........

Without you......

I look out at the sea of people. An ocean of eyes, voices and skin. And see no one..
I listen to the suitors, of admirers, and of loved ones. And hear nothing..
I reach for the air, the water, the dirt beneath my feet, or the feel of warmth in someone else. And feel nothing..
Without you......Everything else is empty and lifeless.
It was through you I could see, I could hear, and I could feel.
It was through you, that I was alive.

Let me be........

Try as I might, work as I will, I just cant find the way to rid my mind of you. At times its easy, a few cuss words from you said the right way and Im set to just walk away and never look back.

But why, WHY?! do you follow as I leave??

You want me gone, so I go.

But then you mutter one of your honest "Im Sorrys." You make me laugh, make me smile, make me want to talk to you even when Im mad. And so I listen....

Until you do it all over again, it never changes.....My hearts in knots twisted by your grasp.

Let me be! Just leave me be....

I want no more of your smiles, no more of your laughs, no more of your jokes or cute words.

"I dont want to fall another moment into your gravity."

"Your neither friend or foe though I cant seem to let you go, but one thing that I do know, is that your keeping me down..."

"But something always brings me back to you...It never takes too long."

No matter what I see or do, its you that always lingers in my mind......Why is it so hard.....

Is it the anger I feel towards you? The undying sadness? The everlasting pain? Or the haunting memory of our happiness that hovers everywhere??............

So many promises......So many secrets........So many things......between two people.

Can you really erase it all? Can you really forget me that easily??.........

Can you really pretend that we never kissed or loved?........

That those things were never said, and that we didnt almost spent the rest of our lives together........

Can you really pretend so much that you forget.....??

"Did I really make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

"I should have known youd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do....."

But I cant help what I felt, it was never my plan to Love You.....

But I know if I went back in time and had a chance to change what has been, with no knowledge of the future except that at that moment I did one bad choice, I can assure you that I would never have thought it was you.

And I'd fall for you, every, single, time.......

I wanted to share it all. Give it all to you!......But you didnt understand....you didnt get the feelings I was showing you. Intensity just wasnt in your arsenal of emotions.......You turned away, when I told you what I wanted to share for our future, you laughed when i told you my dreams...........and you ran when I showed you how much i really loved you....

You didnt understand.......You felt that the only kind of genius came from books and GPAs.

You called me stupid, and said you would never respect me until I was up to par with your unrealistic expectations........

You tore everything I believed, and shredded my hopes and dreams......

You left me with nothing to stand on, so I fell.......

And now here I sit, in a dark pit, with nothing but broken pieces of everything I ever thought was real.....

But when you said...."I never loved you. i regret it all. I regret everything!"..............

Even my dark pit of despair crumbled in. I was caved in by the very words that will haunt me forever.....

You never loved me........you even told me the only thing that kept you around was your lust.......

I never meant a thing.......Everything yo said, everything you shared.......was a lie........

I lost it........I panicked. Searching for reason, searching for proof to combat every word you uttered.......

I couldnt believe that I spent three years of my life giving all of myself........to someone who lied to me all along.

I had to find justification. That our secrets, our promises did mean something.

That a part of you will always be mine..............

I didnt ask to hear those things......you go out your way to hurt me...........

But I'm still here. I still stand. I made out of the hole you threw me in and left me in for dead.

Now I walk, alone and deserted, distraught.....Not being able to comprehend the idea of you meaning what you said.......

"So your gone and Im broken but I bet that you are just fine....."

"Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream Im trying not to think about you cant you just................... let me be!!!......"

Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk

Gravity-Sara Bareilles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEXhAMtbaec

Life support for the Heartless

You leach on, with all your might, intent on sucking out all the life.
You break hearts, destroy families, and make people go insane.
Your life support is that which you steal from others, you take and take and you'd rather run 100 miles North, than ever have to give anything back.
Your cold; transparent mind, with a glass heart.
Your delicate to the touch, but so far have you fallen, you have lost all human inclinations.
All thats left is an empty shell, of a human that once was.
Your heartless.
Heart/less.
>-He-ar-t->less....

Just wishful thinking....

If I said that I need you, would you be there?
If I said I miss you, would you even think once of me?
If I said that I would die for you, would you even care?
If I said I die without you, would you even glance back?
If I said that I think of you always, miss you dearly, am dying with every hour that passes without you, would it mean anything?.....

Titanic Memory Moment........

I was just sitting here, studying, music playing in the background when before I knew it I found myself thinking of shared kisses and the beauty of moments from not so long ago.......When I noticed it was this song playing, from a movie that we all know and love, Titanic.
I remember when we first watched it.........I waited so long to watch it with you...........we kissed on the part when this song played, when Jack and Rose first kiss. Its hard to forget, when your everywhere............Theres just too many moments where we had our own magical kiss, that made everything seem perfect...........It makes me smile............But I cant help but always think in the back of my mind if its just me............If it was just me who felt the magic all along..the touches, whispers, laughs, murmurs.............did they mean at all the same to you?.............Or is it really....just me?
"I'll Never let go," of those memories regardless.....there's too much beauty in those memories to let them slip away so easily......

Weak Moment

My heart still beats for you.
At night my mind still thinks of you.
When I dream, its you I end up with.
Ive no shame, to express my fondness.
No fear, to stop me from letting you know the few moments I am weak and I long for your embrace once more.
At times I am afraid, that if you asked me back, I would go.
I only fear my love for you.
I was once told that "love gives the same effects as drugs do to the mind and body"
"and when someone goes through withdrawal they are actually experiencing the same effects as someone who did drugs"
Love is strong. Love is powerful. Love can overwhelm the strongest.
I thought I was strong once. I thought I was brave.
But love put me to the test< love made me crawl.
It stripped me of my pride. Made me naked and bear.
Id give it all to you, at times I think to myself, if it meant I'd hold you again.
I know I musnt, I know yes its bad.
But this thing we call Love. Knows no limits in its pursuit to consume its victims.
I wish I could outrun, destroy it, kill it, fight it.
But I finally found my match. And it's not you.
Its this heart of mine that cries for you.
It hurts at times. Bleeds your name, tattoos it across my mind. So I see your face, and smile. I hear your laugh and I go wild.
Like an animal in a cage. Tortured to no end. I go insane sometimes. But yet I still try. To hide it all inside. Because a really pretty girl, asked me to.
She doesnt see how I die inside. But for her Id climb a mountain side. Its love, that poison has infected my mind.
But shh, dont ever tell, that if there ever was a cure, I would never take it. For loving her, was and is, the greatest.
So I'll straighten my legs, and stand back up. Ill silence my heart and calm my soul. But without her, it will always be something near the end of me.
Yes love has got me. The only thing to have brought me to my knees. But I'll try not to surrender to thee. But oh how my heart aches in times like these...But it'll pass, it'll stop.
But without her, it'll never heal.
My heart still beats for you, at night my mind still thinks of you....And no chain could ever hold back my heart, this love drug, is just too strong.

Words.

Dont underestimate the power of word.
Every unspoken word could sting like a thousand knives, and any spoken world could take just as many lives.
Its hard to see how a few words could do anything. But words have changed nations.
What if I told you mine were meant to change a planet?
I believe words could prevent an apocalypse.
And I also believe that ours is upon on us.
Be the change you wanna be, you dont have a lifetime, you have every second of now.
Make it count, live out of anger, away from pain. Be good and kind to those who hurt you.
If you live to hurt those who hurt you, your just like them.....It does no good to be like the bad of the ones you look down at. Look up and keep walking.
Because in the end all that will matter is you, and no one else.
No one elses judgment or actions will determine your fate, only yours will.
So be who you want to be now, because it all adds up.
Cmon, you be the pad and Ill be the paper, lets write an ending for this world to look up at and follow, and become the world of peace we all dream of.
Lets be the best us we can be...

“A women’s heart is as deep as the ocean,” it’s perilous and full of secrets. It’s a wonder what we keep locked away, in the crevices of our hearts and minds…

There is no journey left untouched by the mystique of life. No heart unchanged by the tinge of love. There are no lips untouched by the hint of joy. There is no one left unturned by the power of emotion.

Nothing in this life is worth having, if you do not feel passion for it. A need, a want, a ‘must have’ feeling for whatever it is you treasure most, or hold dearest. A want….So strong nothing can stand in the path between you and it.

Love is that passion for me. Love burns me free. Sets me alit amongst the world, to wander in joyous confusion, in utter disillusion. Love melts all pain away, and at other times it scathes the worst scars in its way…

But one must never quit. There is no end to the attainment of happiness, until complete utter delusional joy is attained. Happiness so great you drown in it. That is true joy. And it is eternal.

The path to that joy is long, and tiresome. Lonely and almost abandoned. A true warriors’ path. But with a god’s reward.

A lil Lesson:

Theres something to be said about the quiet and smart. As your on loud Ima sit back and do my thing. It not up to you to judge who I should be, none of you are better off. So go on, rant and bant.
But dont expect anything from me. Im smile and walk away. And then one day, Im blow you away when I say "look mom, Im the president!"

Quite means theres more than meets the eye.
If you say everything on your mind then youve got no substance.
If all you do is talk and never listen, your on your way to quick grave, with ignorance as you crime.
Cmon world listen up!
Be slow to judge, quick to listen, and somewhere in between is where you should be doin all your thinking.
The mute are the intelligent ones.