There are no real words that I could write that could express in one set of writting,
how I feel.
So im stuck, writting forever.

"Gives You Hell"-NOT

If i were a bad person.
Who had no heart.
I would be GIVING YOU HELL!
Making you pay, for everything.
And Laughing my ass off with joy as I watch you squirm.
But IM NOT.
and you should be thanking God, that I pary for your Happines, and Always wish you the Best.
Cause Im just that Kinda gurl. Da one whos nice enough to tell the bully "im sowy your so bad. But one day you'll realize how much of an ass you are and it'll hurt. Bad. I just hope you learn da right and least painful way." Or sumthing like dat....lol.
So as much as Id LOOOOOOOOOOVE to Torture you.
I wont.
At least not conciously I wont.
^_^
Pray you learn- and learn it GOOD!
But make it out well in then end.
I Love You! (You know wat I mean)

The FURY-thats not me.

The Furry that I feel.
As my blood begins to boil and bubble.
I can feel it, running through hot; searing hot.
Anger like no other-This is the anger that kills.
And at the site of you, this anger got Worse!
Had I not been so eager to leave-I swear I would have walked right up to you grabbed you by the neck pin you to wall and-hurt till you bled...
And thats not me!
See what you done to me! By leaving me!
I HATE TO YOU SEE YOU HAPPY WHILE I SUFFER!
It's YOUR CHOICE WHY I DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!?
ITS NOT FAIR!
i dont want to cry...im tired of crying...i havent stopped in weeks.....
AND YOU THINK THIS IS BETTER!!!!
URGH!
I WANT THE WORLD TO BURN!!!
BURN AS I BURN!
FEEL MY PAIN and SEE why I cant smile ANYMORE!!!!!!
FEEL WHAT I FEEL!
SUFFER!!!!
......
but that's not me...im not like that.
Fury tears me apart. Voicing things I wouldnt truly want.
I fear myself for what I may do, in blast of that burning fury.
Its not me, but it quickly consumes me, and slowly becomes a part of me.
Im not Red im more pink this new color doesnt suit me.
But see what you've done- you couldnt decide to "turn a new leaf" AFTER
youve made someone happy...No. It had to be now, NOW! When im losing everything....
*sigh*
Well this is what is happening I dont know what will happen next....I just hope- I dont slip up under tension and stress and do something stupid....*RIP*....
all [this] because of you.....*crys*
(DIS IS WHY I NEED CLOSURE)

Let me Cry-

In Quiet Dismay-

.

So that I may Never,-

.

see the Light of Day...

You see the:
Girl struggling to keep trying?
Girl who smiled and gave all her attention to the things/thing she thought was best in her life-And ended up falling and being let down as always?
Girl who is growing tired, of constantly being strong and having to be brave enough to go on?
Girl who can never please people enough so that someone will be truly proud of her?
Girl who feels so hurt she can barely hold her tears now in public?
Girl who got lost somewhere along the line of being the best she could be?
Girl who is getting too extremely close to quiting?
That Girl who is now almost to the brink of exhaustion-And is dragging herself on her knees to try and get to the light although her tears blur her vision and her pain shows only darkness she continues to crawl on in desperate hope that one day,she'll make it or she'll be saved.
Have you seen the Girl?
No? Yes you have, You do now.
That Girl's Me.

I Need this-Happy? Ending

So this is where it comes to?
A few sad words and a thousand angry phrases?
All the shouting and no sincere goodbyes or I'll miss yous?
Just a ton of cover ups,the hate,anger,sadness,excuses-to Cover Up how we really feel.
No not me, you.
(the world will not come tumbling down if you look pass the fear and anger and express what you really will feel, I promise. Dont be stubborn. Dont be stupid.)
I am telling you, I want goodbye with a hug and a smile.
That'll let me know you'll be okay.
I want to know that I didn't waste my time, that you did love me.
I want to hear it one last time.
I wont ask for one last kiss...that's too much.
I know you can't handle it all.
But I Can.
And I won't let you fall.
So give me the chance, I wont let you make the same mistake, I will put restraint on both of us.
I just Love You, and don't want to leave this....Knowing I never got to tell you how much I care one last time, or see you smile with those funny dimples;so cute or smell that intoxicatingly heavenly smell you carry that drives me wild, or just hear that voice that makes me feel so at home (with you),all these things-One Last Time. It Kills Me.
I NEED One Last Good Memory. So that for future reference I can think back, and Smile
rather than frown, at the Last Time...
I Need this more than you know- And I want you to do the same.
Tell me everything-as if I were leaving to heaven and never coming back.
Tell Me.
And I'll Tell You.
We Need to-say our happy endings.
For Closure.
Don't Let it End like this...Please....I Beg You-Because It'll Kill Me.
(you're not cold hearted your my sweethearted yvonne I know you-
you could do this for me. just this once and say goodbye as you know I want to hear it. And I'll never turn back again-
As I Know You Want It to Be.. )

The Dream that has a Chance to Live~

I had a Dream-

We were together.

In that Dream-

We were so happy.

Because in that Dream-

We let ourselves...Just Be-

Together.

Shoulda seen that smile-

On your face.

Shoulda heard my laugh-

So real and full of sheer joy.

Wish you coulda been there-

Wish you coulda seen it-

Oh Wait!-

You Still Can..

(give it a chance,

you wont regret it...)

I Promise...

[Because I love You-

And I'd never hurt you,]

(and I'll never let you go...)

I wish there was a way that I could make you see just how much you truly mean to me...
I dont want you to feel like that....Im Here for you. Trust me love. Let me be here for you.
Dont lie to me. You broke your word soon as you made it "I'll stick around as long as you do,"
Im still here...Where are you?
Why do you hate me? When I only try to be nice and good to you, to want and care about you, I dont care if it's not my job, you dont seem to get that it is. Because Im your friend, because Im more than your friend...I know you and I care. That's all I need to help you,to want to be there for you.
Dont be stubborn, dont be stupid babe. You got something good in front of you. Are you ganna throw this away too?...?

Toy Soldier with a Glass Heart

"Im suppose to be the soldier, who never blows his composer

Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders

I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it

Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter

I'd never drag them in battles that I can't handle unless I absolutely have to

I'm supposed to set an example

I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em

If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em..."

So what do you do when you find that all the hope that was being fed to you was all a lie, and was only to make you happy? What do you do when all that you were fighting for is taken away from you...Before you were even given a chance??
What do you do when life isn't fair???
What?!?!
....
What do you do, when your put on the stand and convicted, without a real chance to plead your case, and if you plead, you know that they're not listening...?
IT'S UNFAIR!!!
I Fought! So Damn Hard!! I should get a chance!!!
.....I should be allowed a chance.....a real chance....to make you happy
It's just not fair....why? Why am I not granted a chance??
What did I do to push you away so, to make you want to leave so...What??
I will now spend the rest of my life in Shackles, wondering What if- I had been given a chance. Just One...
Forever I will wonder, because I never got the chance to know.
And I worked so hard for that chance, that you just wouldn't give me!!
What do you do now hm? Lying in the cell of your mind, with your heart in shackles, wondering...forevermore What If-