~AnalyZeR~

2012-01-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

2011-12-15T14:54:00.001-08:00

I believe regardless, and will always keep believing. I am sorry, that I let you think, for even a moment that you could tear me down. Cuz you know what sets us apart, I will grow and change, and will love always. Own up to whats been done, apologize, and move on and grow. Walk with my head held high. Yeah, Im sorry, for letting you think you had that power for even a second. But I wont hate you, your a product of the lies around you. I wish you the best, may you learn one day, as Im working to learn now.
With love, Someone who no longer needs you.

2011-12-14T17:55:00.000-08:00

I feel as though, my life is quickly spinning out of control.

Going downward, slowly crashing, and Im just standing there; watching.

My heart aches, my head hurts. My chest burns, and my eyes blur.

I dont know what to do, how do I gain control.

I just want to be happy, to smile again. Once more...

Much Adieu about Nothing

2011-12-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

You looked into my eyes, said those words, were they lies?

I forgot how happy, were those times, when you kept me in mind.

In an instant, in a flash you were here now your gone. Now I find myself asking, what went wrong?

I know your mind has changed, I can't move it, once it's made.

Sadness fills my heart, I can't help it, I just care.

But I guess this is it, no last words, so I'll write this note.

I thought about what you said, though harsh words, I got their sense.

I guess in the end, doesn't matter if I've changed, you'll always see me in those ways...

I wanted tell you that I was sorry, for it all.

I know you'll never see me, as that sweet girl.

I never meant to hurt you, I was just a fool, so deeply in love.

I never should have chased you, or done those desperate things, moments I'm not proud of..

If you knew just what I meant, and how I felt, you'd know,

this is for real... So from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry, and I have love for you.

But I'll keep it short, you wont hear from me anymore.

With those words I promise you, I will never bother you.

And if you ever slip up, and come to me, I swear I'll make it easy, and give you no reply.

So this is my gift to you, forevermore I bid you adieu.

2011-12-11T21:41:00.001-08:00

Why does it hurt, why does my heart tear, at the thought, that your no longer there?

A poisoned love, thorn through my heart, my toxic rose, so harsh was your love.

Long for your look, long for your touch, isn't once enough?! it seems as though I long for you pain and suffering too.

No good were you, but yet here am, writing this little petty note.

I take a step out, but as soon as you advance into my life, I fall 3 steps back.

No more do I cry, at the missing sight of your eyes, but oh how my heart begs for your unwilling lullaby.

I don't know how, to rid of this pain; will you never think of me again?

My mind no longer yearns for your torture, at least to some point, I have mustered enough courage.

But deep inside, where secrets lie, I wish for you, even one last time...

And if I ever got that time, I debate between gauging your eyes out or kissing you as though you were mine.

But no more, will I think of this, at least for now...I am rid of you.

And when you return to haunt me once more, will you this time leave a note at my door;

telling me, why, you tortured me so...

2011-11-27T14:21:00.001-08:00

Dont assume the worst, or bad will always come. Keep your expectations realistic, so disappointment doesnt hit you when it doesnt always turn out your way. Think a little less, and smile a lil more. Life's not as complicated as it seems, and when it is- Scream, yell, cry, but never give up. Then get back up, and you keep walkin. Cuz life goes on, and time truly does heal the wounds and gashes, and scars are part of life. Dont dwell on the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. But most of all, be grateful for it all, because what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. So much to enjoy in life, so why stand there thinkin about what went wrong? When there's so much right to be done. =)

Insperational Song

2011-11-21T00:40:00.000-08:00

What drives you?

2011-11-20T23:34:00.000-08:00

What drives a person to think that they don't deserve kindness or respect?
Abuse?? Hardship??
What drives a person to think they're so worthy of kindness and respect when they don't ever give a single ounce of it?
Guilt? Fear? Cowardliness??
The wicked hide behind false walls of strength, and the good are convinced they are worthless...
God is the only one who can judge us.
So let no one tell you your not worth it, and let the self righteous fall hard upon their own lies. We all go through the hard, to learn and cherish the right.
So be grateful, and don't forget that everything you have, will one day be gone,
and in the end.....
All that matters is what you've done, and said on this earth, cuz the rest, is temporary.

Never Forget You-Lena Katina

2011-11-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

Coinscience; (Life Lesson)

2011-11-08T12:00:00.001-08:00

Move aside, step outside.
Beside yourself.
Watch.
Look.
You see yourself?
Look as you make that choice, choose that thing.
Hear as you say those words, whisper those nothings.
Look into their eyes, hold onto their arm.
Kiss their lips, and taste their mouths.
Feel their breaths, feel their hands.
Your hearts racing, you feel that rush?
But watch it from the outside. You know as you see all that, there's more than meets the eye.
Your eyes glazed over, shut tight, refusing to look into the face of a stranger.
Grip their arm, keep yourself steady, as you release an unknown laugh for some question mark reason to some joke and phrases you cant remember.
Everything feels like it's moving, and your being dragged along.
Kissing them, no thoughts, all worries buried underneath slurred words and unknown moments.
The taste, bearable, and almost wanted.
Your body accepting, and slowly clinging to this unfamiliar shape next to you.
Feeling the vapor of your altercations across your mouth, across your skin.
Their hands a teasing persistent menace to your morals; as they pull and tug at you.
Groggily refuse, and then once again taken over, under a spell you no longer can control.
Almost in too deep, almost don't care.
But Wait!
Watch as you stop it, and all reality rushes back, for a few seconds you remember, a few minutes you regret it, for a few moments you wanna pull away.
But there you go, diving back in, with a person committing the same acts as you.
Now walk away, head held down, cause you just got to watch one of your moments of shame, from the outside.
And at times, that's all you do; sit there and imagine your life, watch it reel before you as you stand beside yourself.
But which shoulder will your hand land on?
Will you be the angel or the devil to the person you stand beside?

Moving So Fast; (Slow Down)

2011-11-08T11:59:00.001-08:00

It's not my intent, to rush, to fly through the parts of life that should be slowed and paused for forever.
To regret, forget the things that made you who you are today.
To relinquish power to those who are no good for you.
To lay reliving, rethinking of the pain from yesterday.
Dreaming, blowing wishes to the wind.
Hopin someday those little whispers will become a reality.
But there they go, riding the breezes of tomorrow, watch them fade into the debris of yesterday.
It's no coincidence, you came into my life. You sweet pretty little thing.
A heart of gold, lips so soft and smooth, a mind so sweet, make me melt caught in those pretty brown eyes.
But stuck, in liquid love, molten honey. Burning into me, right through me.
Searing pain, breaks me in two at times.
What do I do?
Can't choose between the two- God and you.
Shoulda stayed alone, shoulda never spoken, opened my mouth to spill these ridiculous tears.
Now Im riding my own mess. Intoxicated in this bliss.
Downright split in two.
But what's the rush, no need to speed.
After-all, I'm paying for my own deeds..

2011-08-31T19:17:00.000-07:00

How do I say it?!??

2011-08-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

What to do, what to do-
When the heart is split in two.
She says, "Gaby I love you."
And I always say, "Baby I love you too."
But how do I let you know that my hearts else where, hiding deep inside me.
I dont wanna give it away, I wanna live.
Before I give away this key.
But dont misunderstand, the thought of never hearing your voice again is something I cant stand.
The vision of the tears, you once let me hear, breaks me down.
I wanna do good by you, but trust me when I say, you really dont understand.
You dont know how I die inside, when I cant hold you at night.
I just cant lie to you, or me.
And this does have somethin to do with her, but its mainly bout me.
Your the sweetest, kindest, greatest person to ever love me.
And oh how I wish we could be!
But right now, we cant, and I hope one day we maybe could?
You might hate me after I say this, but trust me....your better off without me.
You deserve the best, and even though you say it's me.
Im telling you, it's not.
So baby please be strong, hate me if it helps you, but try and see.
I love you....
Now if only I could tell her this.....

2011-08-18T23:54:00.001-07:00

You remind me, of me. So blind fighting for a love, that can not be. My crazy little honey bee.You have no clue how much you mean to me.I think, I could really love thee

2011-08-18T23:21:00.001-07:00

The truth is...right now....I want nothing more than to be in your arms tonight.....even though i wish youd die. I hate that i still love you with all my life!

2011-08-18T23:06:00.001-07:00

I'll never let it show......you will never know......just how much this hurts....Every. Single. Day...

2011-08-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Oh how I hate you, words could not describe the fire of hate I feel inside.
How every fiber of my being burns when I think of you.
How ever part of me shakes with pain, at the mere mention of your name.
How..you drive me insane! Without even being here.....
I cry! I cry inside!! Every day I must carry that part of me that died....the day you said those things......
Every day I trudge with a part of me missing, a part so deep, I feel that at times I may just collapse from the inside out, without that little part of me.....
I am incomplete.
And you have the rest of me...
If I say "just keep it!" Will you let me be?
Will you no longer haunt my dreams??
I dont even want to be complete, at this point, all I want, is peace of mind, and peace of heart.
For my soul to troll no more.
Just let me erase!! Please oh God let me forget!!!
Every stupid part of you, every stupid kiss we shared, every stupid love note I wrote, every stupid lie you told, every single stupid memory we created, especially the ones that we had planned....for our future.
Let me forget them! Every last damn word!!!
Erase them! Burn them all!!.....
Oh God.....please burn them all.......

2011-08-14T17:36:00.001-07:00

I see your face, in my mind. I see your face, all the time. I see your face, I see your face- You poor twisted Disgrace.

2011-08-14T17:32:00.001-07:00

Your In Love with a Dream, so Dont be Decieved.

2011-08-14T17:26:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I hope that I'll lose my mind, so that I can live in this silly world of mine and just forget time.

2011-08-14T17:13:00.001-07:00

Thank you...for setting me free. =)

Question to the ones who cause pain

2011-07-22T16:14:00.001-07:00

Cmon, is that all you got? This dull sadness, blunt anger, oblique pain? Is that it!?....No nothing, just thought I'd ask.

Thoughts of Our End.

2011-07-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

I know your gone, permanently dissipated.
But forever burned in my memory, etched on my soul, forced onto my heart.
How I wish I could rip you from my heart, erase you from my memory, and clean you from my soul.
But I know it's meant to be as it is, didn't have to go as it did, but I cant change what has been..
As much as it pains me to see, the craze in your mind.
I pity you for the lies, you believe.
But I will always love you.....Till the day I die.
And in my heart you'll always lie.
As much as I wish I could begin again, in land far away, from all the pain.
Just let it all fade, close my eyes and begin again...
But here I stand, I'll be at the top, of something that you will never understand.
My sweet Butterfly, may you understand....

"My Sweet Honey Bee"

2011-07-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Dream

2011-07-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

Fear of the Uknown

2011-07-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Its like loving a ghost. Wanting to hold, what might not really be there.

Trusting what might easily flee away.

It's the fear of what you cant see...

The fear of what you can't touch...

But you can feel.

You can feel it there as if they were right in front of you.

You could see a picture, close your eyes and imagine theyre there, at your side, lying with you, holding your hand.

But the relief that theyre not there, sometimes, so you know you'll never have to feel the pain of not having them there.

You cant miss what you never had.

Right?

Yet I miss you, I crave you, I want you.....And dare I say it- I fear I may need you....

But so much rides on this decision....so many factors.... the same factors that had torn me apart before, now return..

But your not like them, at all....

Yet, you silly ghost, you still haunt my every waking thought, and bring a smile to this twisted heart.

Oh how I adore you so.

But let me just walk on, and think I know what Im doing, and ignore this yanking fear

of the Unknown.

Bliss Mess-Lovely Dream

2011-07-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

I never get tired of hearin your voice. Seenin your face. Its kind of a maze, this intricate bliss mess that we've created. But here we'll lie, in our mess, playing with the stars, realigning the world. Pretending that we know. that we understand the extent, of this bliss mess.

But its okay, thats why we got every day, to wake up and make our ways. I mean, I might not get this, lovely dream. But I know that this just might be, as we see.

It might just be a blissful dream, an unreal seam, stitched by the hands higher than we, meant to let us be, and tying us together in this dream. But its crazy, you try and blink it away, but its kind of hazy. Nothings clear, you wanna walk forward but you got your hands out in front to support you, tryin to feel your way, not knowing the time of day.

But were in too deep, jumped too far, falling too hard. Its kind of scary, when I move to cover my eyes, feelin too weary- I feel you,takin me in, holdin my hands, grabin me tight, telling me it'll all be alright.

"I'll never be like them." And I dont gatta believe it, cuz I know it. Your nothing like them, not even close to the stem, which their black heart grew from.

Your the equivalent to gold, rare and precious. We speak; you use a voice that makes me go weak, that would make even the most senile come to, honey sweet times two. Watch us pretend, act like we wont ever bend. Like were so tough, and we dont care. But heres the stare, in your eyes i could find my soul. the one you stole the moment I opened that door.

Baby its clear, like crystal, youll see my tears, but not cuz you make me sad, not because of the fear, but cuz were that near, and id let you go where no ones veered. Id let you see,all the way, deep inside me.

I dont know how this can be, its no dream, its as it seems, all of this you mean to me.

Its a blissful mess, that i wouldnt wish away; not for all the dreams of yesterday.

Because for now your my lovely dream, a high quality reality.

And ima lie in this mess, twisted and tied, to your eyes.

But I wont turn my gaze, cuz I wanna die in this daze.

Forever more Ima spend my days, lost in this mess, cuz it truly is, the best bliss that i dont wanna ever miss..

Learning to Love

2011-06-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

It’s unbelievable to think, that este corazonsito mio, could carry such a pain.

A pain that could wash away every brilliant light on this earth and still keep running.

The pain of heartbreak……

But at the same time it’s impossible to know the true splendor of love, until you feel it, feel it with every fiber of your being, until you let it run through every vain and vessel in your body, until you’ve looked into those eyes, and seen the future of your life in their reflection. Until you’ve felt every great emotion through one touch of their lips on yours.

Now you might say it’s them, but no, that is the work of love. Only love will allow you to feel that and so much more. It’s….indescribable…..

How every hope, aspiration, every whim and smile, rides with that one person. That one single being alone…..carries your life……your heart……in their hands…..And it’s as if they and only they could make the lasting difference.

When your world was troubled it was them that you went to, to hold you, the only ones you could cry to, the ones you’d trust with your life…….The same only person, that you, would give your life for……….

Yes, it’s indescribable……it leaves you speechless, but wanting to say so much more…….

It’s the feeling that philosophers, poets, playwrights, lyricists, rappers, singers, artist, and so many more having been trying to capture through words, and pictures for centuries.

It’s the one emotion, whose essence cannot be captured through any human means what so ever…but one….and that one mean……is to feel it…..just to feel it.

There is no other way…..and you could for live eternity, you could be immortal, but you will not have lived until you have fallen in love……hopelessly in love.

It’s a beauty of a different kind, a delicate, unmatched, beauty…….

Nothing comes close in comparison, except for that one special person. Try as you might but no rose, no sun set, no starry night, or rainy day will be as beautiful as it was than the day when you saw it with them……

It’s not a curse. It’s nothing bad. If you pick the right person, it will be a harmonious unmatched splendor that God willing will last you forever……

You must never be afraid to feel it. You have to let it in. Why live a life in fear, in fear of emotions that we were created to feel. Let it in, let it fill you, and let yourself feel the feeling that a thousand words or more could never describe……

It truly is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all…..

I will mourn my love for now, but I will carry that feeling of love forever…….

Feel it….Experience it, cherish it……And never forget it……

Love, el amor, l'amour, dolce amore,…….sweet sweet love……..

There’s not much else to say about it…….But you will know……once it hits you, let it enter and fill you, you will know……..You will know its warmth…..how it will change you…..make you appreciate the world in ways you never understood before, make you care for someone in ways….so tender……you didn’t even know were in you……..

Feel it…..It’s love……the greatest feeling you could ever feel, so when it comes, don’t let it go by……because a life without love…..is no life at all…….

Learn to love…

2011-06-24T23:31:00.001-07:00

Regardless of where you go, who youre with, or what youve done....dead as u may b to me.....my heart will always call for you.......i miss you.....quietly....

R.I.P.

2011-06-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

Laying the dead to rest. R.I.P. ghost from my now past, nightmare from my now pain, love from my then happiness, Rest In Peace, because no more will you feel my sweet embrace, or taste my skin, or feel my love, no more will you receive those comforts and pleasures, that you once craved....No more....I did love thee,...unconditionally. But now someone else can take that bullet for you. I bid you adieu. My once love, my now pain, and my future.....nothing?.....R.I.H......<3

2011-06-10T05:26:00.001-07:00

I spent the last hour and a half thinking of you, of me,..of we. And your right....I am strong. If I were weak,...I wouldn't be here. And one day...Ill be strong enough to say..."I forgive you Yvonne Rivera....i forgive you" but that day is not yet here......I spent the last hour and a half realizing how stupid i acted.....but i put my faith in the right things. It was you that failed me.....not my faith. I believed in friendship, loyalty, honesty, kindness, courage and love.....above all i believed in love.....but it wasn't my faith in those things that failed me......it was you. You were weak. To weak to believe, too weak to see.....but you will grow as will i.....and one day,...somewhere we'll meet......and you'll look at me.....and you'll understand everything i had told you when we were in love.....and you'll think "that crazy girl had some good points...."....... We wont forget..........Will we Butterfly?........Always&Forever...........

Goodbye.

2011-06-10T04:43:00.001-07:00

I was never in love with you....I was in love with love.....

Cloud 9

2011-06-09T19:11:00.001-07:00

Shes got me floating on cloud 9.
When I talk with her its like every bad thing just dies.
Shes beauty, how I wish I could make her all mine.
Shes so sweet, so fine. And one of a kind.
I wanna be with her all of the time.
Be my princesss, my queen, my sweet Stephanie.

2011-05-27T15:17:00.001-07:00

What is this i feel?
Is this right?
I am losing all the need i had to leave you.
But yet, i still have want, i still have drive..
But....i love you....
And so much says "stay." When every logical thing says go. What to do?....what do i do??.........

Without you......

2011-05-22T16:06:00.001-07:00

I look out at the sea of people. An ocean of eyes, voices and skin. And see no one..
I listen to the suitors, of admirers, and of loved ones. And hear nothing..
I reach for the air, the water, the dirt beneath my feet, or the feel of warmth in someone else. And feel nothing..
Without you......Everything else is empty and lifeless.
It was through you I could see, I could hear, and I could feel.
It was through you, that I was alive.

Let me be........

2011-05-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

Try as I might, work as I will, I just cant find the way to rid my mind of you. At times its easy, a few cuss words from you said the right way and Im set to just walk away and never look back.

But why, WHY?! do you follow as I leave??

You want me gone, so I go.

But then you mutter one of your honest "Im Sorrys." You make me laugh, make me smile, make me want to talk to you even when Im mad. And so I listen....

Until you do it all over again, it never changes.....My hearts in knots twisted by your grasp.

Let me be! Just leave me be....

I want no more of your smiles, no more of your laughs, no more of your jokes or cute words.

"I dont want to fall another moment into your gravity."

"Your neither friend or foe though I cant seem to let you go, but one thing that I do know, is that your keeping me down..."

"But something always brings me back to you...It never takes too long."

No matter what I see or do, its you that always lingers in my mind......Why is it so hard.....

Is it the anger I feel towards you? The undying sadness? The everlasting pain? Or the haunting memory of our happiness that hovers everywhere??............

So many promises......So many secrets........So many things......between two people.

Can you really erase it all? Can you really forget me that easily??.........

Can you really pretend that we never kissed or loved?........

That those things were never said, and that we didnt almost spent the rest of our lives together........

Can you really pretend so much that you forget.....??

"Did I really make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

"I should have known youd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do....."

But I cant help what I felt, it was never my plan to Love You.....

But I know if I went back in time and had a chance to change what has been, with no knowledge of the future except that at that moment I did one bad choice, I can assure you that I would never have thought it was you.

And I'd fall for you, every, single, time.......

I wanted to share it all. Give it all to you!......But you didnt understand....you didnt get the feelings I was showing you. Intensity just wasnt in your arsenal of emotions.......You turned away, when I told you what I wanted to share for our future, you laughed when i told you my dreams...........and you ran when I showed you how much i really loved you....

You didnt understand.......You felt that the only kind of genius came from books and GPAs.

You called me stupid, and said you would never respect me until I was up to par with your unrealistic expectations........

You tore everything I believed, and shredded my hopes and dreams......

You left me with nothing to stand on, so I fell.......

And now here I sit, in a dark pit, with nothing but broken pieces of everything I ever thought was real.....

But when you said...."I never loved you. i regret it all. I regret everything!"..............

Even my dark pit of despair crumbled in. I was caved in by the very words that will haunt me forever.....

You never loved me........you even told me the only thing that kept you around was your lust.......

I never meant a thing.......Everything yo said, everything you shared.......was a lie........

I lost it........I panicked. Searching for reason, searching for proof to combat every word you uttered.......

I couldnt believe that I spent three years of my life giving all of myself........to someone who lied to me all along.

I had to find justification. That our secrets, our promises did mean something.

That a part of you will always be mine..............

I didnt ask to hear those things......you go out your way to hurt me...........

But I'm still here. I still stand. I made out of the hole you threw me in and left me in for dead.

Now I walk, alone and deserted, distraught.....Not being able to comprehend the idea of you meaning what you said.......

"So your gone and Im broken but I bet that you are just fine....."

"Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream Im trying not to think about you cant you just................... let me be!!!......"

Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk

Gravity-Sara Bareilles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEXhAMtbaec

Life support for the Heartless

2011-05-07T00:46:00.000-07:00

You leach on, with all your might, intent on sucking out all the life.
You break hearts, destroy families, and make people go insane.
Your life support is that which you steal from others, you take and take and you'd rather run 100 miles North, than ever have to give anything back.
Your cold; transparent mind, with a glass heart.
Your delicate to the touch, but so far have you fallen, you have lost all human inclinations.
All thats left is an empty shell, of a human that once was.
Your heartless.
Heart/less.
>-He-ar-t->less....

Just wishful thinking....

2011-05-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

If I said that I need you, would you be there?
If I said I miss you, would you even think once of me?
If I said that I would die for you, would you even care?
If I said I die without you, would you even glance back?
If I said that I think of you always, miss you dearly, am dying with every hour that passes without you, would it mean anything?.....

Titanic Memory Moment........

2011-05-02T17:39:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting here, studying, music playing in the background when before I knew it I found myself thinking of shared kisses and the beauty of moments from not so long ago.......When I noticed it was this song playing, from a movie that we all know and love, Titanic.
I remember when we first watched it.........I waited so long to watch it with you...........we kissed on the part when this song played, when Jack and Rose first kiss. Its hard to forget, when your everywhere............Theres just too many moments where we had our own magical kiss, that made everything seem perfect...........It makes me smile............But I cant help but always think in the back of my mind if its just me............If it was just me who felt the magic all along..the touches, whispers, laughs, murmurs.............did they mean at all the same to you?.............Or is it really....just me?
"I'll Never let go," of those memories regardless.....there's too much beauty in those memories to let them slip away so easily......

Weak Moment

2011-04-25T01:16:00.000-07:00

My heart still beats for you.
At night my mind still thinks of you.
When I dream, its you I end up with.
Ive no shame, to express my fondness.
No fear, to stop me from letting you know the few moments I am weak and I long for your embrace once more.
At times I am afraid, that if you asked me back, I would go.
I only fear my love for you.
I was once told that "love gives the same effects as drugs do to the mind and body"
"and when someone goes through withdrawal they are actually experiencing the same effects as someone who did drugs"
Love is strong. Love is powerful. Love can overwhelm the strongest.
I thought I was strong once. I thought I was brave.
But love put me to the test< love made me crawl.
It stripped me of my pride. Made me naked and bear.
Id give it all to you, at times I think to myself, if it meant I'd hold you again.
I know I musnt, I know yes its bad.
But this thing we call Love. Knows no limits in its pursuit to consume its victims.
I wish I could outrun, destroy it, kill it, fight it.
But I finally found my match. And it's not you.
Its this heart of mine that cries for you.
It hurts at times. Bleeds your name, tattoos it across my mind. So I see your face, and smile. I hear your laugh and I go wild.
Like an animal in a cage. Tortured to no end. I go insane sometimes. But yet I still try. To hide it all inside. Because a really pretty girl, asked me to.
She doesnt see how I die inside. But for her Id climb a mountain side. Its love, that poison has infected my mind.
But shh, dont ever tell, that if there ever was a cure, I would never take it. For loving her, was and is, the greatest.
So I'll straighten my legs, and stand back up. Ill silence my heart and calm my soul. But without her, it will always be something near the end of me.
Yes love has got me. The only thing to have brought me to my knees. But I'll try not to surrender to thee. But oh how my heart aches in times like these...But it'll pass, it'll stop.
But without her, it'll never heal.
My heart still beats for you, at night my mind still thinks of you....And no chain could ever hold back my heart, this love drug, is just too strong.

Words.

2011-04-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

Dont underestimate the power of word.
Every unspoken word could sting like a thousand knives, and any spoken world could take just as many lives.
Its hard to see how a few words could do anything. But words have changed nations.
What if I told you mine were meant to change a planet?
I believe words could prevent an apocalypse.
And I also believe that ours is upon on us.
Be the change you wanna be, you dont have a lifetime, you have every second of now.
Make it count, live out of anger, away from pain. Be good and kind to those who hurt you.
If you live to hurt those who hurt you, your just like them.....It does no good to be like the bad of the ones you look down at. Look up and keep walking.
Because in the end all that will matter is you, and no one else.
No one elses judgment or actions will determine your fate, only yours will.
So be who you want to be now, because it all adds up.
Cmon, you be the pad and Ill be the paper, lets write an ending for this world to look up at and follow, and become the world of peace we all dream of.
Lets be the best us we can be...

2011-04-24T23:25:00.000-07:00

“A women’s heart is as deep as the ocean,” it’s perilous and full of secrets. It’s a wonder what we keep locked away, in the crevices of our hearts and minds…

There is no journey left untouched by the mystique of life. No heart unchanged by the tinge of love. There are no lips untouched by the hint of joy. There is no one left unturned by the power of emotion.

Nothing in this life is worth having, if you do not feel passion for it. A need, a want, a ‘must have’ feeling for whatever it is you treasure most, or hold dearest. A want….So strong nothing can stand in the path between you and it.

Love is that passion for me. Love burns me free. Sets me alit amongst the world, to wander in joyous confusion, in utter disillusion. Love melts all pain away, and at other times it scathes the worst scars in its way…

But one must never quit. There is no end to the attainment of happiness, until complete utter delusional joy is attained. Happiness so great you drown in it. That is true joy. And it is eternal.

The path to that joy is long, and tiresome. Lonely and almost abandoned. A true warriors’ path. But with a god’s reward.

A lil Lesson:

2011-04-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

Theres something to be said about the quiet and smart. As your on loud Ima sit back and do my thing. It not up to you to judge who I should be, none of you are better off. So go on, rant and bant.
But dont expect anything from me. Im smile and walk away. And then one day, Im blow you away when I say "look mom, Im the president!"

Quite means theres more than meets the eye.
If you say everything on your mind then youve got no substance.
If all you do is talk and never listen, your on your way to quick grave, with ignorance as you crime.
Cmon world listen up!
Be slow to judge, quick to listen, and somewhere in between is where you should be doin all your thinking.
The mute are the intelligent ones.

There Aint no Rest for the wicked

2011-04-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

"There aint no Rest for the wicked. Until we close our eyes for good" - Aint no Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant.

Theres too many good lessons to learn from songs.
ma start a religion where we worship history's famous songs and quotes.
Bless you music, without you I'd be dead.
And yes im kidding bout the worshiping of music. I believe in God,
but music is definitely one my gospels.

2011-04-22T19:17:00.001-07:00

Tell me how i win your heart? Id buy the moon if itd make you mine.

One thing I ask of thee...

2011-04-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

Wheres thine lips, whose sweet curves have caressed mine so often?
Wheres thine arms, whose embrace have cradled me so warmly?
Wheres thine love, of which I coveted so closely?
I ask of thee only one thing-
Let me keep mine fond memories of you, intact as I have them now?
I only wish to see thee in the warm light I have given you, so perfect, so warm.
Will thee allow such a pleasure for one such as me?

Checkin In:

2010-10-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

Well wow it has been a while since I have checked into my blog. lol. Hello world!!! Much and nothing has changed since my depressive messages of long ago.
Changes: Im a year older now
i have graduated
i am moving onto college
i am leaving for a month longest ive ever been away from home or from my family.
And im still with my "lovely" gf
mamy has cancer....
Things that havent changed:
lifes still hard
still have no friends cept one
and still fighting with the gf

UPDATE!

2010-01-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

I havent been on in forver because ive been posting all of my poems on my myspace blog. More people read them there. But I have not forgotten about my cherised blog!

So let me tell you people life has been good lately!

Remember that gurl that Ive been writting about for forever- well I finally got her people! and damn happy! this is our 3rd month on the 23rd. But it was totally not what I expected. nut more details on tis later ok. im in class right now and this period is about to end.

Till later, Ciao~Gaby

Well...Update!

2009-08-31T18:57:00.000-07:00

So lets see up to now. Me and my so called ex.
Fought, cried, yelled, loved, and hurt.
Like no bodys said bye more than we have lol.
But we just had break up sex. Dat was nice.
And ive been giving myself a casanova rating.
lets just say it went up to 56% after las fri. Hehe ^_^
Sorry gatta boast she was a hard gurl to please.
But now im der first! lol.
But yea der my first too.
But like idk, i guess after dat im good u kno.
Jus kinda here.
Doin my field hockey practice, 3rd week.
And ITS HELLA HOT!!!!!!!!!
waiting for it to die down.
Start skool next tuesday, UGH!!!!
and doing link crew today, tomorrow, and wed.
its where the older classmen help the incoming freshmen we make them more comftorable and show them around and stuff.
Its cool. =)
But der hard to manage. Freshmen *rolls eyes*
Ima senior now btw.
Yup yup.
Soooooo ready to graduate but very scared.!!!!!!
*scared puppy whimper face*
lol. but yea. dont know what else to say.
Oh oh!!! bout da Justin situation, well i finally talked to him and told him i couldnt date him.
That im not ready to date anyone.
And i love him as afriedn ALMOST a brother...but not really. lol.
Were just so tight, and idk.
But things have been A LOT better between us we still hang out not as much but still enough and talk aaaaall da time lol.
But were just friends.
But who knows what the future brings you kno.
But for the time being im content not trying to figure it out.
I kno for one once im not ganna try.
I got enough personal/spiritual/mental and even phisical things to take care of now.
So untill da next time. Ta Ta ^_^
oh i mean CIAO!

Checkin Up..

2009-08-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

Well as of now. I told Justin that (yea i kno no intro this time im jus ganna go straight into it.) we need to not hang out as much, cuz we really are litteraly always together. And well wen u just went through the worst break up of your life thus far and hangging out with one of your closest friends who also happens to like you really doesnt help anything. I just needed space from him cuz im jus getting to the point where he was getting on my nerves BUT HE IS A GREAT GUY dont get me wrong. But im having a mental mulfunction. I dont know what I want or Need in my life.
Im bored with my life so i want fun.
But my un just broke up with me.
So now i miss them.
But i know that its hopeless and they dont love me.
So im back at trying to make new friends.
But....well school hasnt started yet so that is very hard.
So im stuck ina rut.
And its starting to depress me. And i said i would cut again, so thats out.
I cant run away.
Got no one to hang with.
Soo i narrowed it down to one option which i think is really truly da next safest thing.
But im debating putting it up here cuz idk who'll read dis.
But bottom line is now its just a question of how do i get dis.
AND NO ITS NOT DRUGS!
Jeez.
lol...
But yea.....Im Lost and confused.
But still living.
Till next time.....Ciao....

Well Helloooooo...

2009-08-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

Well Hellooooo, so like im still trying this "tell the whole world wats up" thing.
But im not thaaaat bad right?
so like last we heard i wasnt on da best of terms with my ex. we got in fight earlier this week, and 3 days later they call me.
But during those 3 days i was plotting my revenge for how badly they treated me, but then they unexpectdly call me and apologized although i have yet to ever forgive them for most of the moajor horibble things they did, i politly acknowledged the fact that they said sorry.
So we talked and i guess were just friends or sumthing like that.
lol, and then they called me and woke me up this morning! it was 10...but still!! lol.
It was cool they called me to tell i was mean for calling them fake on that annonymous truth box things on myspace. but u kno it was all good we just talked like normal people. Shocker I know.
And yea. Ive got lots of stuff planned randomly throughout my last bit of summer.
Weird.
But i guess thats it for now. Ciao! ^_^

Keepin it Real-Im Actualy Talkin w/o Poems

2009-08-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

So Ive decided to strat actualy blogging here.
u know writting real things rather than poems.
I'll leave those for my myspace one.
So let me clue you all in. I just broke up with my two year love, yes the one ive written so much of. Most of these 1000+ poems are of or for her. Yes her. I loved, love and always love them.
Well were not talking as of friday. Yes for once Im not Perssuing them, nope nope.
But i miss them, and love them.
But gatta go on without them...
My current dilema is this great guy in my life.
He truly is perfect.
I wont say his name. we'll just call him....Justin.
Yes Justin. we met in chemistry class and well i talked to him then forever later he texted me and we became super tight since. This started in january of this year.
7 months later, i had the crasiest summer so far, dun so many new things loved and last, and found my potential husband.
But im stuck because as great as he is I dont love him.
I love what he can offer me and i truly care about him... You see i feel that if I get with him thats it.
hed be the guy i marry and spend the rest of my life with happily and content.
But im the kinda girl who needs excitment i need sumthing going on.
So im afriad id be content but wanting more.
Or i could just keep serching to see if i can find love after love, find someone else i can love fully.
But my mom is afraid ill lose him, Justin, and what if i do. And never find the perfect guy and i end up alone.
So all in all i go with Justin and be content and play it safe.
Or I go da other way and take chances of getting heart broken and having to all the work of searching but with the chance that in the end I find the man that completes me.
What to do dear reader what to do- Any ideas??

2009-08-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

When life seems so lost and dead.
Like theres nothing left.
Remeber the little things that last made you smile.
And if its from the very thing that now makes you cry,
then rember they once made you smile..
Its Not the End.
Its a New Beginning to Find that New Person who will make you soar high
and make you smile and laugh.
You cant change the past-
So lets make the best of the Future! ^_^

I Cant see you-...

2009-06-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

If everything were to fall around me, would you save me?
If my wings broke, would you catch me?
If my lungs ran of air, would you give me some?
If all were to end, would you be there-
at the end of that light??
...
I cant see you being there....For Me.....

It's A Passion.

2009-05-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

In my arms you were.
Baby, so close.
The touch and feel-
the Smell that drove me wild.
Its passion I feel.
Its what I am.
I carry it in my veins-
in my blood.
To be Passionate.
Its in me.
Let me be.
Let me show it.
Cant Hold back.
When they know they want it.
And I wanna let it go!
Passion-runs deep.
Its a Want, its a Need.
Rapid and Quick but to the core.
the feeling Unexplainable.
Insane and Erotic.
Its Passion.
Its thriving.
Its Living.
Its in me.
Its- Gaby.

2009-05-11T17:01:00.000-07:00

I Dont Know What Happened.
But a Change occured.
Both You& I Felt it.
It was Good,
Funny, it took that "exchange" for things to Change.
We both felt it, it is good.
No?
Things can be-As we see-
Things can continue, as they are,
Because Good I am For Now.
^_^

Announcement:

2009-05-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have been posting on my other blog on myspace a lot:

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.controlcenter

So if its not updated here. its on there. K. ^_^ Check em both! Thanx!!!

When Lust meets Want&Need

2009-05-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

I so badly want their touch.
Yes, I know it sounds bad.
But if you knew-
Knew my reasons why- You'd understand.
It was the only time-They Were Mine.
And I just Need[ed] that One Last Time.....
(and Always Will.)

Dilemma

2009-05-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

Why Cant I Get You Out of Mi Corazon?
And now that I dont have you,
your in my mind even more...
Woe is me-What am I to do??.....

Cant No More...

2009-04-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

Wheres the me I love and knew?
This new attitudes not me...
I don't wanna feel like everyone else does-
Like they're better, just make themselves feel better.
I'm not that shallow, I'm better than that.
I want to feel good about myself the right way.
Not the easy way, like sooo many do now a days.
Where'd I go? that strong Gaby, with friends at her back, and care at her front, but a sword hidden just in case.
I need me back......but I don't know where Ive gone....
This whole situation has blown my life out of proportion and Ive lost myself in the process.
How could what they did to me.........Really affect so much of me, and my life.
Its CRAZY!
But true...........And I don't want it to be.......
No...please no more...........let things go back.
Rewind the clock.......what could I have done to stop this.........to change this.......
So that you'd be with me here now???.............

2009-04-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

Broke my Heart, after I heard this song.
You told me you HAD been listening to......I think I got what you were trying to tell me.......

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

But that doesnt apply anymore....Right?
You no longer feel that way....Right?
My kiss no longer burns on your lips.....that kiss that was just for you....Only yours....
My Face is no longer Painted on Your Heart.....Im starting to doubt it ever was to begin with....
But it had helped....knowing that I wasnt the only one....But that's not the case any more.....hu?
Im no longer there.....in your heart......was I ever.....?........Right?

Stars

2009-04-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

In Dreams, I see in the stars up above.
So high in the sky.
In my eyes, I can see the Future come true.
I can see what could of been, and what can be.
Sometimes, just wanna fly, get up there.
And run.
Watch the world fade away, feel my worries wash away.....
The stars, they speak.
They tell me dreams.
They come to me.
At night, when I cry.
When I think.
When I'm happy.
Or Just there.
They mark so many moments.
But I can see, what they mean.......
So much, and to me too.
They tell me what can unfold.......
They're the dreams I wish could be.
They're my memories long gone and come back to me.
They breathe for me when my air is gone.
And cry with me.
las estrellas, have always been there for me......
But who can I share this Fairytale with??
Tell me.....Who.......?

Trust

2009-04-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

How could you be shocked that I have no faith in you?
I've even told you, "I never fully trusted you."
And after all the things I find out....How could you expect me to have any belief in you........
But wanna know a secret.........It kills me to say I don't......
I always wanted to trust in you.........Alexsis........But I knew I never could.......
And I guess it just scares me now........Knowing that I can.........and Knowing all that you did as well.......
The pains too much.......and Trust is something you just never earned,
you cried, and apologize-
But does that really make it all right?
I don't believe so.......You never gave me a valid reason to Trust you.......and you still really haven't.
Except for your word that you've changed. But after what you've done, How is your word worth anything??.....
You Haven't Changed.
You might be in the process. But the you I love, is always there.....
But in my eyes, heart, and mind.
Your always going to be intertwined with the memory of the way I feel now- Result from what You've done....
And I Hate to say that........I feel like a Horrible Person........For feeling these things.
I'm not used to seeing the worst in someone for so long.......especially not someone that I had always seen and looked for the good in, no matter what......Like you.
I did.
I truly did......
But look what I got in return.....But hey.......
Secretly.......I want to trust you.......
Even though you don't trust me, having no reason not to.
I still keep searching for the good in you.........it's just harder to see now..............

For da Only One Who'll Read dis.

2009-04-22T18:50:00.001-07:00

So what do I gatta do?
To prove Im true??
I dont cheat.
Im DONE lying.
And I AM trying.
So what do I have to do?
To convince you-
That I need you.??
(I'll open my heart, go from the start, stop bein so mushy gushy,
I got pride, but Im not ashamed, to say these things. Believe me babe, I swear to you, on my grave-)
((no I should stop. Cuz this aint ganna matter......hu? You aint care bout me for too long now.....what am i doing? Why cant i just let you be.......You Got Me Stuck-Got Me Tripping. Goin Crazy. But I dont care. Cuz I think of way back when and it seems worth it. At times. And den it dont, at other times. Dang.lol...))

Will You?

2009-04-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

There is a hole in my heart,
that Only Someone can heal.
Who will be that someone?

Sanctuary

2009-04-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

Be my secret haven.
My little piece of relief.
My positive yes to peace.
Let me know you'll always be there when I need you.
When I fall and bleed you'll help me stand.
When I cry you'll hug me.
Be what I need.
Be what I want.
Be there.
That's all.
Don't be scared.
Because I will repay the favor, always.
I have no issue being there.
Being your strong arm, to pick when you fall,
smile when you cry,
or cry with you when you bleed-clean the cut and kiss da boo boo.
I want to be there.
Its my nature to want to give what I have, and I have a lot of love and care.
My friends and family I adore.
So be my Sanctuary.
Please....
I need one, to keep my heart safe from the world the wounds it so......
I don't wanna cry no more.....
Be My Sanctuary....
You wont regret it.
I Promise..

Tired

2009-04-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

exsausted. beat down.
torn apart. and shattered.
There was a time when going to school was a haven; made me happy.
Because I had people to see, to look forward to.
But now those same people make me want to run.
Make me hate.
Make me want to die.
I want them gone!
I want these tears to end, and my soul to be free....
I dont want to feel like this.
Think I like feeling like I want to die, and want to kill?!
Well I dont....I used to always think I was the flawed one, and only me, now I see that
I am flawed and so is everyone around me....and I liked it better when I only had to fought with myself.
Rather than now, having to fight with everyone...
I Hate it.
I truly do.
Why cant they just play nice.?
Im put out, from these games.
All these stupid lil lame games.
Make me cry, make me bleed.
I dont want to see it anymore.
.....I just want....my friends back.....my life back in my control.
I just want.....I dont know.
I do, but then I dont.
Im just soooo tired....
Draging my body on charted grounds.
Reach depths uncharted, unmarked and unknown.
And its not Bliss.
ITS NOT!
And im tired.....oh so.....tired......

2009-04-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

Tryin to move on,
tired of hangin on to _______.
"Dey aint worth it," they said.
"Forget em, you can do better," they told me.
But I sold me short.
Stopped me fast, for the first thing that showed me-
And it wasnt even real!
Hate em to the core, love em, still adore.
But I deserve more.
This loves not theirs anymore.
I got lots to offer, of this im sure.
But im not ganna play that stupid game anymore!
I wanna feel it, but for real.
But for now Im just happy being me.
But when it comes to me it better be-
Worth all the love I can give.

Dont Play Me!

2009-04-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

So what has come to be?
things that come to me-
I cant believe, I dont ask to hear,
sometimes dont even wanna be near.
But it comes, I wont fight it,
but same mistakes i WILL NOT do.
Im not stupid.
Dont mistake my kindness for weakness.
I AM strong.
But i dont gatta parade it down the streets, im happy just being me.
Dont make me step out of character.
DONT ABUSE ME, STOP USING ME!
Who did I play to deserve this.?
I dont use people, because I know how it feels and would wish it
on No One.
Its not me.
If your a part of my life-Its For A Reason.
Dont be selfish tho.
Give back to me-What I give to you.
And we'll be just fine.
As long as you offer the best of you,-
Its all that I'll give back.
It's da Only Game I play.
If you dont know me, then it's cause you haven't earned it.
I keep my stuff quiet.
You wont know it, till I show it.
Not too many know how troubled I am.
Like two know how my mind works.
Outta 20 dat aint many.
But it's whatever, Im done trying to keep people.
People play with me, come to me only when dey need something I can offer,
but when I need them, they're always "busy," nowhere to be found.
So Im just ganna stick around, be around, be an Ass and your out.
Control yourself people, it aint that hard to have compassion.
Just remeber that others got feelings and "what goes around comes around."
But I'm not complaining,
people are acting cool-for now.
Just for future reference-
Im Not a Fool!

Announcement:

2009-04-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

My Internets Out, BUT I'll still be posting, just not as often.
Just so you all know.

looking for&tracing-what is you.

2009-04-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

I could trace the line a thousand times
and find new mistakes and ways to cry every time.
But what good does it do me, to relive what I can not keep-
or ever have again?.....
Answer; there is no good to it.
Except to remember the look on their face when they laughed or smiled.
To remember their quirky expressions that made me smile.
To listen to their voice again, when they spoke, when they cried, especially when they laughed or did their cute little dog impressions.....
To re-live...the good times I so much miss.....to re-live all my great times spent with them-
That I would do anything for........to have them again.......
To remember promises that I look forward to seeing if they will be kept.......promises that I also know have been broken.......
But how much longer until my Looking Glass breaks-
.....Until I can no longer see......
No Never. I will always look out my window, and see those times, see some of my happiest times See.....- Us.
The tears I cry now are not cold, not full of hate or regret.
But carry happiness at reminiscing, sadness that I don't have them, pain at what had happen, great pain at not knowing that all those things we had and have that makes me smile were all based on a lie that they told me....Now they turn into tears of confusion-
Did they lie to me? The whole time??
No part of me says. No....some of those moments....some of those things ........you just can't fake.......right??
But then another part says, yes. They did so much bad that you know for sure is true, who's to say that all those times......all those things that were said......all those things that were exchanged........were all lies.....to get to you........to me......??
I wish I knew the truth......then my decision would be so much easier......and this pain would be so much less......
I feel so much......you can not imagine....and it hurts that I will never know how much they lied to me.......how much of what they said was true...........or if their sorry is real.
But the more I trace that line, or look out the window of my looking glass-
I see both bad and good.
I always looked at the good in their hear that to this day I still see.
Always focused on that- Because I was too scared to the see the bad.....and now that I have......
I don't know.....
I know there's good........But how can I forgive them without knowing if that good was all one big lie??
How?
I cry; because I want them with me, near and close.
Because I want them to be happy, I want what best for them.
Because I want them gone, far far, so far away.
I feel so much at once. Its only a burden when they're not with me.....or speaking to me-
Or when the them and I just aren't together in some way.
Those are the only days it hurts.......
I don't want to wish bad......but I'm getting no good from this......
So many days......
Ive traced and looked......and have yet, to find my answer.......

Pretend-

2009-04-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

Saw what I must do.
Saw what is right to do.
I must do what is right- for them.
Forgetting what I want is best.
Must be self-less.
And the hardest part of all......is letting go of the thing I want most.....
I've always said "life's not fair," and now I see that if it was-
we would never learn.
I want to be the best me I can be.
And I guess that takes sacrifices.....this will be a sacrifice I know
I will pay for, for a long while......But it's ok, right?,as long as they're happy because of it.?
Right?
I enjoy making others happy, Im cursed because I care too much-
I just never thought that when those two things met-.....
I'd be paying so dearly for it-or because of it?
If......pretending is what will help them-
Then pretend I forgot, I shall do.......Pretend It Never Happened.........
(they say if you love someone you'd do anything to make them happy.....)

Alone.

2009-04-05T22:50:00.000-07:00

The feelings a mutual ghost that creeps inside you.
And lays there.
Consuming you.
In utter sadness and self-pitty.
Against your will.
Feeling like a stranger to the outside world.
Its as I feel Now.

Blogging

2009-04-05T22:35:00.000-07:00

LATELY I HAVE BEEN POSTING ALL MY NEWER STUFF ON MY MYSPACE BLOG:
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.controlcenter
OR MY FACEBOOK BLOG.
SO U CAN GO THERE TO C MY NEW STUFF! ^_^
ALTHOUGH I TRY TO POST AS MANY AS I CAN ON HERE AS WELL.
THANKS FOR READING!! ^_^

The Fallen-

2009-04-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

Here Comes the Army.
All dressed in Black.
We Call Them-
The Fallen.
They walk aimlessly,
With purpose-
To Find that Which they have Lost.
Heartlessly,
Broken.
They Search-
Here comes my initiation,
To Become one of the forever Lost.
One of the Forever Damned…
Scarred I stand.
Empty and Hallow as them I am.
But…Im not ready to go yet….
Because I carry what they do not-
Hope.
Hope for what I Won’t lose.
In Fear of Spending the Rest of Eternity,
Chasing it.
a Beautiful Lie-
yes.
But my Love I will carry,
Tired and Exhausted from the Pain.
But I Will Not Lose what I have come to Love.
No.
I will Walk on my Knees,
to the Black Gates,
see those Black Feathers Fall
from the Darkened Light in the Sky…
I will Knock on those Gates-
and Wake!
Finding that which has caused me my Trek,
Close to me,
At my side,
In my Arms.
In my Heart.
I Will Not Lose this Battle.
I Will not meet those Black Gates in
My Nightmare.
Because in that horrid dream
I Lose.
And if you Lose the War.
You Must Join the Army-
In Eternal Peril of Agony.
I Will Not Lose…
I Cant…

3/12/09

Letter to Her~

2009-03-23T16:29:00.000-07:00

Mi Corazoncito,
Como me duele.
Its crys for you.
Las lagrimas que lloro son por que se
that I lost you bebe.
Come back to me Mi Amor.
Dont let me cry anymore.
Baby en mi corazon you lie.
No other could replace you, not in a week, not in a thousand.
No other.
Por que what you gave mi amor, will always be there no matter what.
For you, I would have given you the galaxy (see last poem I wrote)
if it meant seeing that cute smile a little while longer...
I wont beg for you any longer.
But I have no shame, in telling you como Te Extrano.
It's who I am.
Know your loved.
Know your cared for by me.
Note to the next who holds you:
If they break you, if they make you cry, if you ever hurt because of them-
I Will Kill Them.
Dont settle for just anyone.
You deserve much.
(And so do I.)
Make sure you choose them right.
Wait until you find that guy that makes you want to be committed for once.
And then youll know...he's right.
...You did me wrong. But were asked to forgive por Dios. So I dont hate you.
How could I,
but don't give me those eyes....That look of hate.
Dont hate because you did whats right, dont be mad because Im trying to do as you want.
I will never forget you.
But I am trying.
I will probably never stop trying to talk to you, but I will move on.
Its what you want....And I pray, you dont hate me.
Learn to be friends.
Im praying, so that this won't hurt.
But when I hear those songs, when I see those things, it's you I see-
In my mind.
And its the tears I feel warm swelling up.
Te Quiero soooooo much.
You don't know.
But I swear to you I am trying.
But im not too proud to let you know how I feel.
Because it helps me.
I dont mind....that I am dying as you live free.
You said it doesnt hurt you.....And even when I pray mi amor, it still hurts.
But I am trying.
God knows I am.
But I am human.
I crack and break- Strong as I am.
So permit me these words.
Permit me to write to you.
Its the one thing I can do.
Just knowing you read them.
Helps.
Permit me this.
You dont have to reply.
You dont have to do anything.
But you have your method of running away, to move on.
And I have mine.
Im not running.
I have nothing to fear.
As it slowly sinks in- "It's Over." Replaying in my mind.
I slowly die.
But I will not run, and I will Stand.
Just know this, Te Amo.
I do.
But Shhh.
That will fade. But till it does.
I still do.
And I will never stop caring.
and for my sanity let me know you'll pick the next one good.
Make sure he loves more than I.
And then you'll know for sure, he's the right guy.

This Song I had dedicated to you, and you didnt know what it meant. I dedicate it to you again...
Mi Corazoncito by Aventura
(if you could understand, you'd know what I mean)
(and you can find the lyrrics in english, jus so you kno)

En Las Estrellas I'll Wait

2009-03-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

En Las Estrellas I'll Wait.
Cuando tu miras al cielo,
piensa en mi.
Por que tu sabes que yo estoy pensando en ti.
Mi amor, Las Estrellitas te las doy todas a ti.
Me monto en la luna, y te cojo todas las estrellitas que mis brazos pueda traerte.
Y cuando yo vea esa sonrisa tan bonita tuya (en esa carita que es mia)- ninita te lluevo en mis brazos y te abrozo
y te beso como nunca antes.
Te Quiero, Te Amo.
Y Mi Amor, Mi Vida, te Quiero dar el Mundo.
Y enstonses en las Estrellas esperare para ti Carino.
Para siempre...

-the Latin way

2009-03-07T12:29:00.001-08:00

I have a vision.

That in my arms,

we dance a tango; the music of passion.

Or a Salsa; music to excite the senses.

Alone.

But together.

So close together.

What more beautiful chemistry could there be than two

perfect bodies moving

in sync with music of passion and romance in the background.

Hands tracing silhouettes of a songs spell on the body.

As the song quickens,

can you not see how the bodies pace quickens into the others body.

Then slows.

For a moment the bodies move oh so sensually against each other;

then hasten the pace.

Dramatic movements,

and facial expressions of pure passion.

The breathing,

the looks,

the touches,

exchanged-cosas que excita y ase mi piel cemar.

Can you not see,

that this is how love should be made-

through dance and passion.

Romance the Latin way.

Y mi Amor, I can vision us making love-

Como Nunca Antes.

Making love-

the way I dream it.

Making Passion-with Dance!

Right Now...

2009-02-28T18:10:00.000-08:00

"I Wanna Make Up Right Now...
Wish We Never Broke Up Right Now now....
We Need to Make Up Right Now now now....
I miss you much, I cant lie.
Till I get you back , Im ganna Cry.
You were the Apple of my eye."
{Fiji Apple lol.}
"I want you to fly with me...
Miss how you lie with me...
I Wanna Make Love Right Now now now...."

I Try So Hard.

2009-02-28T17:38:00.001-08:00

Im Trying.

The Lord knows im trying.

To be good, and do the best I can-

Not to break the Rules.

Or our rules.

On my knees,

Im trying.

But like yesterday,

I was running away from the place I call home.

Fighting, screaming, and crying,

is what I seem to know nowadays.

My smiles and laughs; never seem to last.

They fade away.

My dreams, have pieces of heaven in them.

But never fail-to show me what Ive lost/

The promises that have been broken;

When I wake Up.

I am Trying so hard.

Not to call them,

not to talk to them.

But Lord knows How Hard it is.

Im Strong-

But whos THIS strong?!?

Im Trying...

But I dont want to Keep working so hard to smile.

Work to be happy.

What makes me happy always leaves.

Never lasts.

Home is Broken to my vision-

or is my lens cracked?

Crack?

Even drugs is startin to sound nice to my bleeding ears.

Bleed?

No. No more cuttin.

My scars remind me.

Im strong.

Im on my knees-

But drugs Ive never touched

&Scars I will not restart.

I Try So Hard-

But I Want Them Right Now....

Soo Bad....

Come Back to me....

Please.

And Save me.

Moving On...

2009-02-28T16:48:00.000-08:00

Trying to move on from them is like depression.
So many ups and downs-its actualy worse than the actual relationship.
When your in the euphoric stage its like a blinded fake bliss-Your happy smiling and laughing.
But you know its temporary.
And then you go back down,mostly when your alone-its like jumping off of something that made you happy and plunging heart first into an ice cold river,that just carries you through all the memories that make you miss and want but cant have.Through everything that you loved and is gone.
Its horrible to have Love and Lost.....
But it is true, I would much rather have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.
My hearts big, I have much care to give.
And I have no doubt that I have the ability to make the one I love happy.
Because I had made her laugh-I made her happy.
And she knew that...She didnt want to stay for the best-
Had she said those words-Had she made me truly hers-
She would have had THE BEST. And I would have made her so happy...
But I can't live in the past........
No matter how much a day I die without her--
I Must move on.....but "where do I go?"
(Id Much Rather Not Have to Move On..)

lluvia

2009-02-21T16:04:00.001-08:00

If its Rainin,

Im thinkin of you.

Those time we talked and heard the rain together.

One of the last great times we had together

was on that day, before I left,

when we layed there and looked into each others eyes,

and you didnt want me to leave,

So Sweet.

That day, when you made it so hard for me to leave.

It Rained.

As I ran outside,

to get my ride,

and hada hide.

*laughs softly*

Babe, mi only amor,

how I miss you,

especially when im layin there at night,

closin my eyes,

I can feel you again;

Baby, as if you were there.

And its hurt,

cause when I open my eyes,

your not.

And I hear that rain, and cryin,inside;

thinkin if your hearin it too, and thinkin of me,

as I am of you.

The Dark is hard,without you by my side.

No more calls;

I took comfort in knowing that at night when Im missing you,

that you might call, make me smile, and help me sleep soundly.

In my dreams, were together, Happily;

Sleeping's a Blessing, when your there-

Cept when I wake up, and its a Nightmare.

Baby, I didnt think it would feel like this.

How I miss you.

I wanna be YOUR Babygurl,

and no one else's.

Te Quiero.

You were almost my all.

I wanna hear your voice,one way or another.

Idc, I just need you here;in my life.

Friend or foe. You gatta be here.

But Im bein forced to see you from afar.

Sometimes you dont even know im there,

but I see you,sadly,and cry inside,

cause your walking the wrong way,

your walking further,

your walking away.

So I just gatta shut my eyes,

turn around, and slowly walk away.

When I sing my songs,

it's you in my mind, your smiling face;

wit your cute dimples.

So many things we shared, can't believe theyre gone.

Like da rain, you want them washed away.

There they go, runnin, Im doin this for you,

and my future self.

But Baby, it hurts, so damn much.

(Too Damn Much..)

I want you.

Why you gatta cut it all;

I know one day, I can see you as just a friend,

but you neglect that too.

And it's hard for me to face.

Cause I never counted that you would want me,

completely out.

I had taken some comfort in thinking that

at least someday, we'd be talkin again.

But now I count on nothing.

But the cold.

Its getting old,

being sad.

But this feelings kinda hard to ignore.

But hey, this isnt a plead.

Its just my statement.

Letting myself know.

And just letting it show,

Your Supergurl's weakness

is Having Her Heart Broken.

But Im not mad, Im actualy past that.

I write this now, with no anger and minimum sadness.

Reminiscing is just da only way I can have you again,

here in my mind,

we stay.

But it's ok-If it makes you happy love.

*laughs to self* I miss your lil barks.

Im doin em now *smiles* as an ode to you,

I bark and whine now,*laughs* (dat sounds weird)

like you wanted me to but i never would,

and now, I always do it,wit friends and stuff (but only a lil,) wit you in my mind.

I wish you were still wit me,

wen Im dancin, I think of you,

I can do it now-Dance wit you;I culd do it now.

*smiles*

And things you showed me I never forgot.

*holds finger out*

Now I just need your finger to finish it. *laughs softly*

Just so many lil things I wish I wulda done for you.*barks softly,laughs*

But hey, If you ever get this,

you'll know. lol.

All the promises made;

I never forgot about the Cabin.*smiles*

And you would have loved New Zeland,

it's beautiful, like you.

(You should look it up one day.)

And the things I showed you;

did for you:sang to you,wrote for you,cried to you

(never forgot that day I held your pretty crying face)

just all those lil things; DONT FORGET EM.

Cuz theyre the special things youll cherish in da future;

so you'll never forget that theres Always someone out there who loves you.

So when it rains;

when Im lookin at da moon;

at da stars.

When Im cold;

when Im alone;

when Im hurtin;

when Im thinkin-

Its all You.

And I don't mind it-It's things we shared.

Things we had and we'll always have.

Things I dont wanna forget.

*smiles*

Ima keep em safe-Here *pats heart*

right next to the perfect memory of you.

When it's rainin,

from the stars,

I'll look into that moon-

And see it all~Forever.

*smiling*

(Remember that smiling face, with big eyes of love&care.Cuz shes the one thats got your back no matter what.

No matter when.)
"promise i'll be there everyday,Just close your eyes lets start to fly,I'm gonna love you until i die,

Until the day of my death till my very last breath i'm gonna love you,When no ones left."-Supergurl

Mwa!~ ^_^

~Ode to the first love of my life.

(dont get cocky bout the first.lol.k.)

So dis isn't bye from me,

just a "till we talk again" kinda thing.

So till then, Be Good. Dont do nothing Jesus wouldnt do.lol.

~Ciao~Wit much luv

:Sum1s Babygurl

(dat sum1 will always be you tho)

Understanding-?

2009-02-17T18:10:00.000-08:00

Understanding as I may.
I cant help but not quiet grasp
the concept you so eagerly wish me to understand.
I can not quiet understand why?
Or How? You can stand what you are doing??
I dont get it!
But i do.
I understand your reasoning,
your reasons as to Why you had to.
But just,
Not your reason as to
How you could.
So Understanding as I may be-
I will always love you, but I will forget you??
Dats not me? Its you??
So as Understanding as I may be-
I understand-But I dont quiet get it.

2009-02-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

There are no real words that I could write that could express in one set of writting,
how I feel.
So im stuck, writting forever.

"Gives You Hell"-NOT

2009-02-10T19:20:00.001-08:00

If i were a bad person.
Who had no heart.
I would be GIVING YOU HELL!
Making you pay, for everything.
And Laughing my ass off with joy as I watch you squirm.
But IM NOT.
and you should be thanking God, that I pary for your Happines, and Always wish you the Best.
Cause Im just that Kinda gurl. Da one whos nice enough to tell the bully "im sowy your so bad. But one day you'll realize how much of an ass you are and it'll hurt. Bad. I just hope you learn da right and least painful way." Or sumthing like dat....lol.
So as much as Id LOOOOOOOOOOVE to Torture you.
I wont.
At least not conciously I wont.
^_^
Pray you learn- and learn it GOOD!
But make it out well in then end.
I Love You! (You know wat I mean)

The FURY-thats not me.

2009-02-10T16:54:00.000-08:00

The Furry that I feel.
As my blood begins to boil and bubble.
I can feel it, running through hot; searing hot.
Anger like no other-This is the anger that kills.
And at the site of you, this anger got Worse!
Had I not been so eager to leave-I swear I would have walked right up to you grabbed you by the neck pin you to wall and-hurt till you bled...
And thats not me!
See what you done to me! By leaving me!
I HATE TO YOU SEE YOU HAPPY WHILE I SUFFER!
It's YOUR CHOICE WHY I DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!?
ITS NOT FAIR!
i dont want to cry...im tired of crying...i havent stopped in weeks.....
AND YOU THINK THIS IS BETTER!!!!
URGH!
I WANT THE WORLD TO BURN!!!
BURN AS I BURN!
FEEL MY PAIN and SEE why I cant smile ANYMORE!!!!!!
FEEL WHAT I FEEL!
SUFFER!!!!
......
but that's not me...im not like that.
Fury tears me apart. Voicing things I wouldnt truly want.
I fear myself for what I may do, in blast of that burning fury.
Its not me, but it quickly consumes me, and slowly becomes a part of me.
Im not Red im more pink this new color doesnt suit me.
But see what you've done- you couldnt decide to "turn a new leaf" AFTER
youve made someone happy...No. It had to be now, NOW! When im losing everything....
*sigh*
Well this is what is happening I dont know what will happen next....I just hope- I dont slip up under tension and stress and do something stupid....*RIP*....
all [this] because of you.....*crys*
(DIS IS WHY I NEED CLOSURE)

2009-02-10T16:45:00.000-08:00

Let me Cry-

In Quiet Dismay-

So that I may Never,-

see the Light of Day...

2009-02-10T16:35:00.000-08:00

You see the:
Girl struggling to keep trying?
Girl who smiled and gave all her attention to the things/thing she thought was best in her life-And ended up falling and being let down as always?
Girl who is growing tired, of constantly being strong and having to be brave enough to go on?
Girl who can never please people enough so that someone will be truly proud of her?
Girl who feels so hurt she can barely hold her tears now in public?
Girl who got lost somewhere along the line of being the best she could be?
Girl who is getting too extremely close to quiting?
That Girl who is now almost to the brink of exhaustion-And is dragging herself on her knees to try and get to the light although her tears blur her vision and her pain shows only darkness she continues to crawl on in desperate hope that one day,she'll make it or she'll be saved.
Have you seen the Girl?
No? Yes you have, You do now.
That Girl's Me.

I Need this-Happy? Ending

2009-02-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

So this is where it comes to?
A few sad words and a thousand angry phrases?
All the shouting and no sincere goodbyes or I'll miss yous?
Just a ton of cover ups,the hate,anger,sadness,excuses-to Cover Up how we really feel.
No not me, you.
(the world will not come tumbling down if you look pass the fear and anger and express what you really will feel, I promise. Dont be stubborn. Dont be stupid.)
I am telling you, I want goodbye with a hug and a smile.
That'll let me know you'll be okay.
I want to know that I didn't waste my time, that you did love me.
I want to hear it one last time.
I wont ask for one last kiss...that's too much.
I know you can't handle it all.
But I Can.
And I won't let you fall.
So give me the chance, I wont let you make the same mistake, I will put restraint on both of us.
I just Love You, and don't want to leave this....Knowing I never got to tell you how much I care one last time, or see you smile with those funny dimples;so cute or smell that intoxicatingly heavenly smell you carry that drives me wild, or just hear that voice that makes me feel so at home (with you),all these things-One Last Time. It Kills Me.
I NEED One Last Good Memory. So that for future reference I can think back, and Smile
rather than frown, at the Last Time...
I Need this more than you know- And I want you to do the same.
Tell me everything-as if I were leaving to heaven and never coming back.
Tell Me.
And I'll Tell You.
We Need to-say our happy endings.
For Closure.
Don't Let it End like this...Please....I Beg You-Because It'll Kill Me.
(you're not cold hearted your my sweethearted yvonne I know you-
you could do this for me. just this once and say goodbye as you know I want to hear it. And I'll never turn back again-
As I Know You Want It to Be.. )

The Dream that has a Chance to Live~

2009-01-23T16:57:00.000-08:00

I had a Dream-

We were together.

In that Dream-

We were so happy.

Because in that Dream-

We let ourselves...Just Be-

Together.

Shoulda seen that smile-

On your face.

Shoulda heard my laugh-

So real and full of sheer joy.

Wish you coulda been there-

Wish you coulda seen it-

Oh Wait!-

You Still Can..

(give it a chance,

you wont regret it...)

I Promise...

[Because I love You-

And I'd never hurt you,]

(and I'll never let you go...)

2009-01-13T16:40:00.000-08:00

I wish there was a way that I could make you see just how much you truly mean to me...
I dont want you to feel like that....Im Here for you. Trust me love. Let me be here for you.
Dont lie to me. You broke your word soon as you made it "I'll stick around as long as you do,"
Im still here...Where are you?
Why do you hate me? When I only try to be nice and good to you, to want and care about you, I dont care if it's not my job, you dont seem to get that it is. Because Im your friend, because Im more than your friend...I know you and I care. That's all I need to help you,to want to be there for you.
Dont be stubborn, dont be stupid babe. You got something good in front of you. Are you ganna throw this away too?...?

2008-11-29T00:41:00.000-08:00

Toy Soldier with a Glass Heart

"Im suppose to be the soldier, who never blows his composer

Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders

I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it

Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter

I'd never drag them in battles that I can't handle unless I absolutely have to

I'm supposed to set an example

I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em

If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em..."

2008-11-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

So what do you do when you find that all the hope that was being fed to you was all a lie, and was only to make you happy? What do you do when all that you were fighting for is taken away from you...Before you were even given a chance??
What do you do when life isn't fair???
What?!?!
....
What do you do, when your put on the stand and convicted, without a real chance to plead your case, and if you plead, you know that they're not listening...?
IT'S UNFAIR!!!
I Fought! So Damn Hard!! I should get a chance!!!
.....I should be allowed a chance.....a real chance....to make you happy
It's just not fair....why? Why am I not granted a chance??
What did I do to push you away so, to make you want to leave so...What??
I will now spend the rest of my life in Shackles, wondering What if- I had been given a chance. Just One...
Forever I will wonder, because I never got the chance to know.
And I worked so hard for that chance, that you just wouldn't give me!!
What do you do now hm? Lying in the cell of your mind, with your heart in shackles, wondering...forevermore What If-

Grrr!!

2008-11-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

Rrrr....RRRR....rrrr...
I hate missing you, hate that things are different, hate that things aren't the same between us.
I miss the way we were, miss the hope so strong you gave me and I had, and I hate the new fear that I have...(that has replaced the hope)
I Miss the summer, when you wanted me with you, when you used to ask me to hang out with you, and I wasn't the one always asking. When things were so...good. When you would take time for me, when we had those talks-Do you remember? Late at the night...Oh the beautiful talks we've had...
When...things were so different and we weren't afriad to show and tell each other how we truly felt, when there was nothing but communication between us. And so much care, you were so sweet....
Now you hide it all...I don't feel any of it...I miss it all....I Miss You.
I Miss what we had and you gave me. And Hate that...you gave me hope, at least you lied to me to make me happy....at least....but not I know the truth and know there is no hope[,and I hate it...]
Then what am I fighting for??
Urgh!
Rrrr...rrrr...rrRrrr.
*smiles to self quietly*

Thanx A Lot...

2008-11-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

You never gave me a chance,
How could you turn down something before you even know what it's like..
But ok. I see, you no longer want me. You seem to be growing tired of me, you don't need me...
You want me stop liking you, you want me at a distance.
At least that what your saying to me.
When you don't talk to me, never come see me like before, and always choose others over me without even a goodbye...
You Don't Want Me.
But the thing that confirmed it the most, and really was a direct stab at the heart-
Was when just last night, you told me you didn't want Pablo...The way you said it, like he meant nothing to you.
You have thrown around your room like trash,that's probably when I should've taken him back, when you started to treat him like trash. Knowing how much he meant to me, and how much I wanted you to have him, you say what you said. I cried after that. And I realized, why did I give him to you, you've never given me a gift. Not Once. Never a Christmas gift, as I gave you, Not Even a Birthday gift! At least I gave you a card! You really have never once given me a single thing to remember you by...Yup I'm Special.
So Ok, I'll take Pablo back, but if he gets returned, I want it all back. My Munky, the CD I bought you, even the Charm Necklace-I'm Sure you won't miss any of it...I'm sure it all means nothing to you anyways...Well at least that's what you've shown me. They're probably all lying somewhere, you can't find them.
Oh but you can keep the card, I couldn't do anything with that anyways.
But that's how much it hurt me, just that sentence, was actually one of the most painful things you ever told me, and showed me how little I mean to you...
Saddens me tho, Because...Well, I guess I just want to hear that you want them, that they mean something to you, my little trinkets, because they all meant something to me. And even after you've stopped talking to me(which I hope doesn't happen,as I fear), you'll still treasure them...As I would have, if you ever bothered to give me something....

My Confession

2008-11-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

I Love You, I Do. I truly truly do. Mi Amor.
Pero me duele. I can't be with you any longer.
I Can't: Kiss You, Hug You, Caress You, let you Hold Me.
I Can't: let there be Touching or hand holding; I can Barley talk or look at you. [Because all I'll want to do is to look at you with love, to talk to you with care, to hold and caress you with endearment, to kiss and touch you with passion- just to Show You Love.]
And I Can't, when your Not Mine. I can't do it any longer. And although, this may be the hardest thing of my life, I may just have to....let you go. You'll never be ready for me, So it seems. And I love you too much, to continue torturing myself. All I want is you, but you want it all. You won't be happy with just me, so it looks, and if I'M not good enough for you...then you shouldn't be worth my time...But...I Just Can't Help It...I Love You.
I Do!
I Cry for you, My Rose! ... I do...
Pero tu nunca me vas a quierer, como yo te quiero a ti.
So you see, if the road you choose is to never have me, and always keep running, then I must say....I Think I am Falling Out of this Game...
(how it pains me to even type those words, if I'm crying now, i don't know how i will say them to you...)
These words I type may not be exact, and no where near how I truly feel, but use your mind, to understand me, my dear, I've worked so hard...So Hard-Para ti!
Do you know what I am saying?
Do you understand?!?
This is hard, so very hard, and I Don't Know how you feel about me, I don't know what exact impact Ive had on you or your life....But my words still Stand.
I Love You....and if playing is what you choose to keep doing.....then.....break my own heart I must...
(You Don't Want Love,you don't know what love is, you want a fling, and you'll never be happy With just Love, you need to have the person not want you for it to be your kind of "Love".)

I Just Can't Help-Feelin'...

2008-11-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

I'm Sorry to Mislead, Didn't mean to Confuse.
I Just Can't Help, but Feel How I Feel.
I know I make no sense, and I delay saying things.
And I also Know that I Don't say everything and I hide what I feel,
saying what wants to be heard.
And I'm sorry, but hey at least you can't complain, I Can Make you/them Happy.
But regardless, I know Ive been acting weird lately, and Im sorry.
It's just that the things I hear, I Don't know what to believe and all the things that are said got me So Confused. And..Urgh! It gets to me every now and then, just too much to think about.

My Rose Part II

2008-10-25T17:40:00.002-07:00

Beauty lies in the Soul & it's contents, not in what one is told of the person & it's outsides.
And yours, my Dear, is Beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7coPq-UjBJ4
Have you ever met such a rose? Such a rose as mine. It is beautiful, in my eyes.

Others have held it, and felt it's soft petals and blessedly piercing thorns, and have called it kind words like they do for all other flowers, but none have said sweet nothings as I have. For no other, holds this delicately fierce rose as I do. Because you see, in my eyes, this rose is an incomprehensible number of times more strikingly picturesque than any other. And most call me blind, and I do not argue but it is a blindness, I would never rid of. For it helps me see the loveliness of my rose, in ways that only I can see. In ways that only I, can feel. And better that it is I the only one to see her this way, for I would never think of sharing this great gift. She is at most my all, I would carry her everywhere, if her thorns would not prick me and her restlessness would not make her so determined to be left and replanted to grow alone on occasions. She is a wild thing, my rose, but so placid and warm she can be. And that is why I can not let her go. Why I must carry her always with me, to hold and caress, when either she or I become lonely. Even every now and then, she cries, my rose, and it breaks my heart to see those glistening watered drops slide down the lovely red of her coat. Pains me so, to know she hurts, making me to want to do nothing more but hold my rose, close and warm in my arms, and let her cry all her fears and worries away on my chest, in my cover. I will shelter her, best as I can, with all my ability from all harm, rain, sleet or snow; hurricane, landslide, or even death itself- I shall cover her always. But my rose, can be strong she can. She likes to put her I don't need help mask on and carry all the dirt alone, but when she begins to break,and wilt that's when I pick her up, clean her good, caress her gently, kiss her and get her growing again. She will grow a little forgetting of me, until once more she needs someone,. But it's alright, I love my rose. For her I will take the pain of her own will grown thorns.

Beautiful curves, my rose carries. The way she bends, how beautiful she smells, caress those velvet petals, running my lips on that silk made skin, can you just imagine it. The taste is pure honey gold to my mouth and the feel is heaven.

She has given me many pleasures, my sweet smelling rose has. She has brought so much joy, especially every time she permits my touch.

So you see My Rose is something special, something superior in comparison to others of it's kind, but only in my eyes. And you see that's what makes it special- That Only I, can love her the way I do. But my rose might not yet know just how special a flower she is to me, but regardless if she knows it or not my feelings for My Rose are unchanged until the end.
.
My Rose, stay with me, and let me continue seeing all that you hide.
Be my Rose Always...
[Mi Flor, te Extrano y Te Quiero Siempre.]
.
.
,
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Other Videos that I thought were beautiful and/or good&the song was similar to the top video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOiUKD-6R5U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW0i1zZhKKw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXDonUxBxig

Grrr.

2008-10-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

Rrrrrr Rrrrrr rrrrr Rrrrr.
Wait...Idk.

2008-10-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

If in my arms you rest, you'll be cared for.
If in my mind you lay, you'll be safe.
If by my side you stand, trust and loyalty from me you carry.
If in need you are, a friend you'll always have.
If love is what you require, a hug will always await you.
If uncertain you are, patience you shall see.
If down you are, a smile I will give you.
If bored you find yourself, a laugh I'll always pull out for you.
.
But if my heart you've stolen...then with care you Must handle.
And if my prayers you receive unknowingly, then much you owe me.
No. Wait- If for you I've _ and fought to _ for again, Then you owe me Much.
If my request you have not yet heard, then listening you have not been and said it I have already.
For the one thing I ask for: Is... nothing. *lying* (what you refuse so stupidly)